Living With A "startle-response" - Any Suggestions?

[Lady of Longbourn]

Lets please remember to treat each other with respect and courtesy.

 

[Loner]

I didn't mean any disrespect, I am sorry. I shouldnt of said that.

 

[safenow]

Apology accepted.

 

[rainy_daze]

@Loner: I wasn't sure if you wanted me to list the reasons why I cannot start on the sports idea just now, but a few of them include: finances, physical fragility, chronic pain and a complete lack of energy. I don't think my personality matches with extreme sports. At physiotherapy I was told to avoid "high impact" things. I used to be a swimmer until I lost all confidence in that. I do appreciate the advice though, and I guess I am someone who has never been good at sports, never felt confident or comfortable in my own body, and for these reasons I do not engage in that kind of activity. I know exercise is good for you; I know it benefits you physically and psychologically. It is difficult when exercise hurts you. I am clumsy and I guess I would have to find something that suits my lack of skills and can build my confidence as well. I think that is why I have taken to the grounding and affirmation ideas, because I feel that mentally training myself first is a good place to start. The sports feels like something I would need to work up to, slowly. I realise these things all sound like excuses. I know I need to do things in order to get better.

@safenow: It's tricky to know what ways to use the heightened sense of stress (for want of a better word) when this is something I have never considered before. If it is to do with reaction speeds, then I guess something like basketball is one? It isn't an extreme sport, but I reckon you have to be fast and alert. However, if you are indoors all the time then that wouldn't be easy. I have done a quick internet search just now and one of the things suggested was basketball. The other suggestions were all about exercising your upper body. I think you're right, safenow, it is a lot more difficult to do some of the suggestions Loner gave when you are in a wheelchair. However, juggling might be quite fun.

I am starting small. Thanks again for the advice everyone, it is appreciated.

 

[SweetPeaandSunBird]

If I get startled, it's pretty severe. Sometimes I fall flat on my butt on the floor and gasp for breath (hyperventilate). It's embarrassing. This has happened at the workplace, but my colleagues know I have ptsd. In a way, it reminds us all that ptsd is real (though so much of the symptoms are invisible to others). A teachable moment, I suppose.

My colleagues and I share a photocopying room. They know that I close the door behind me when I'm in there. That way, if my back is turned to the door while I'm at the photocopier, I have more of a chance to hear that someone is entering. Sometimes it doesn't work, but often it does.

Also, on my office door, I have a door hanger that says "Knock first." That's been helpful.

Of course, everybody's workplace is different.

 

[rainy_daze]

@SPSB: Oh, falling to the floor sounds awful. It's good that you've came up with ways to minimise it SweetPea; I like the sign idea. It's also really great that your colleagues are so understanding about it. If only the whole world was like that.

That is really want I want to do, learn to minimise this, and I think starting this thread is helping with that. Everyone gets frights, but ones with PTSD are awful.

 

[Loner]

@Loner: I wasn't sure if you wanted me to list the reasons why I cannot start on the sports idea just now, but a few of them include: finances, physical fragility, chronic pain and a complete lack of energy. I don't think my personality matches with extreme sports. At physiotherapy I was told to avoid "high impact" things. I used to be a swimmer until I lost all confidence in that. I do appreciate the advice though, and I guess I am someone who has never been good at sports, never felt confident or comfortable in my own body, and for these reasons I do not engage in that kind of activity. I know exercise is good for you; I know it benefits you physically and psychologically. It is difficult when exercise hurts you. I am clumsy and I guess I would have to find something that suits my lack of skills and can build my confidence as well. I think that is why I have taken to the grounding and affirmation ideas, because I feel that mentally training myself first is a good place to start. The sports feels like something I would need to work up to, slowly. I realise these things all sound like excuses. I know I need to do things in order to get better.

Those are excuses but thats ok, they are also reasons. I am going to say though that most of what stands in your way for these things seems to be mental. You say you arent good at physical things, that youre clumsy, but thats just because you probably gave up instead of making yourself learn. I don't mean that as a judgement, I understand. I play music and for a long time learning a new song was really hard for me, the feeling of not knowing, feeling stupid, feeling unskilled and untalented was really frustrating and overwhelming and I would give up easily. Even just looking at a new song would freak me out. Over time I confronted that more and more and eventually it got better. I have realized that most the things that will fulfill me and make me happy in life will also freak me out and give me anxiety which really really sucks, but if I confront that and work on it it will get better.

First though, I gave up. I tried and I had too much anxiety. I freaked out and gave up and hated myself for being weak and worthless and told myself it just wasnt for me that I wasnt one of the lucky ones that was talented or good at things. I still feel that way but the truth is I have LOTS of talent, unfortunately I also have problems with anxiety that make me have to work harder than most other people to access my talent.

I am guessing something similar happened with you. I hope I am not seeming condescending or overbearing but I urge you to take another look at what youre capable of. Things like balance and coordination are not bestowed upon someone at birth they are built by working at them. You say you are not one for extreme sports, but I was just offering examples, the goal in terms of coping with a startle response isnt to do anything extreme that gives you an adrenalin rush, its just to do things that require fast reaction times. For you perhaps that is juts balancing on one foot. I do not know your limitations. I am sure there is SOMETHING you can do and I urge you to try. Start small. get to know your body and what you can do with it. I dont know how old you are but its not too late. Just start doing things that work on balance and coordination, I am sure you will get anxiety from feeling like you arent good at them but I urge you to work through it bit by bit. Remember the point isnt to be good, its to use your body and brain and start honing your reflexes.

Also, you might actually end up being good at something, who knows. The biggest difference between 'the lucky ones' and everyone else is the lucky ones keep trying new things and don't get discouraged. It doesnt matter how small you start. Just challenge yourself in little ways. Talk to your physiotherapists.

By the way, not only do I learn new songs now, although it still freaks me out, but I also write my own songs. I don't care if they are 'good' I love doing it, expressing myself and my emotions is invaluable for me when I am struggling with something. I recently got a loop pedal which allows you to record music than play it in a loop to play other things over it. I got so mad at the thing today I hated it it was so hard but I'm sticking with it and getting better and I am proud of myself. I've come to accept that its always going to give me anxiety and frustrate me to challenge myself musically but thats ok I still love it.

 

[InHell11]

I don't really scream when I get startled usually I jump or otherwise react physically but yeah sometimes my family will get on me about it like someone might say 'wow, its not like I hit you.' or something indicating how I massively overreacted when if they would simply just leave it alone everything would be fine...or even 'oh sorry didn't mean to startle you.' on occasion might be a nice response.

I try not go get to bothered by if someone startles me as a joke with no ill intent though I have snapped at people for that to just cause it startled me so much. However, people should respect you enough not to do it on purpose if you've explained to them it's bad for your health and makes you feel unsafe....sure people cannot totally alter their behavior as to never startle you but they should have a little respect.

 

[rainy_daze]

Those are excuses but thats ok, they are also reasons. I am going to say though that most of what stands in your way for these things seems to be mental. You say you arent good at physical things, that youre clumsy, but thats just because you probably gave up instead of making yourself learn.

Your post resonates with me. I am so clumsy I burn myself a lot when cooking. It is difficult to explain. I would agree this part of your post describes me to some extent. I don't do physiotherapy anymore. I don't do a lot of things because it hurts and I end up just getting frustrated with the pain which makes me stressed, and it's just a big cycle. I am a creative person, a bit like yourself, but I haven't taught myself a new skill in a long time. I haven't picked up my guitar in years. You are right about not giving up though; I suppose, in a way, exposing myself to new things, even if they are painful or make me feel stupid, would eventually be beneficial (like you learning new songs).

I am sure there is SOMETHING you can do and I urge you to try. Start small. get to know your body and what you can do with it.

I spend too much time in my head, and when I come out of it my head my body aches. I have always wanted to do yoga, but getting my brain to be quiet is difficult. Stopping the startle response is one thing I want to fix very badly. Dealing with the physical pain is on my list too. Taking up something gentle like yoga would be good, and doing some more creative things also. Like you said, small manageable things; they can be built up into bigger things over time. Thanks Loner.


@InHell11: It is hard for people to understand, and I think that is why they class it as "overreacting". I guess it really is overreacting though, but it's difficult to stop it and can't be helped. You just jump or scream or fall over, however the response has manifested itself. I am learning to be more assertive, while also making sure I don't take everything to heart. So much learning, my brain hurts, but it is worth it.

 

[Loner]

OH you HAVE to do yoga. IT WILL get your brain to be quiet!!!! I started a thread about how yoga was helping me be emotionally present and more mindful. I don't know what kind of painyou have. Some pain, like muscle soreness, just needs to be pushed through and actually becomes enjoyable after a while. Tendons get inflamed when they get used after not being used for a while because they are incased in a sheath that restricts swelling this causes pain but it goes away if you keep moving and using them. Joint pain is another story. Really i don't have a clue what your situation is. I know there is some yoga offered for seniors, even if you arent a senior maybe you could start with that just cus its easier?

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/yoga-meditation.27505/[/DLMURL]


Ok, yoga is great for clearing your mind but I still suggest doing something that requires fast twitch muscles and quick reaction times, it really really seems to help my hyper vigilance to have an outlet where its a thrill and joy to be hyper vigilant.

 

[p-no]

The Wii might be a good thing. Lots of games requiring quick reaction. And you can do it in your own home, play together for fun or really practice!

I really like the idea Loner had, about finding an outlet!

 

[p-no]

Any suggestions on how to manage this?

What has really helped me is slow down. Do all things consciously. That basically is grounding in all the little details. I. e. walk into the kitchen and focus on your feet on the floor inhaling and exhaling deeply, back upright, etc.

You mentioned that you get easily burned when cooking. Slow down... I tend to overreact e.g. when the water is boiling and I'm making eggs. So, I notice the water is boiling and (seriously) get startled. It's maybe a bit as if the shock were telling me: hey, how long has the water been boiling already did I miss it how long have I missed it I need to put the eggs where's a spoon oh there take it put the first egg on it... I wrote this last sentence the way those thoughts work their way through my brain - hurriedly and nervously, no break. So, what helps is breathe, feel my feet on the floor, tell my brain nothing will happen if the water keeps boiling another minute or two before I put the eggs in, etc. Slow down your breathing consciously and it will be easier to slow down the other things (movements, thoughts, etc.) as well.

Just my experience and 2 cents.