Sufferer Looking For Former Police Officers Who Have Ptsd

[joebeyondblue]

I am 36 now living in Ft Myers Florida area. Divorced x2 with two kids. I started in law enforcement in 1997 in upstate NY. Left NY for NC in 1999 where I started for a large NC agency. After a few years and a divorce I noticed many issues that I thought was part of the job we chose, or that chose us. I ignored and continued. I was involved in an on duty shooting, however being short staffed was back on duty the following day. I did complete a post shoot review but there was no way I was gonna say I couldn't do my job so back to full duty within days. Many personal problems at home. I excelled on the job becoming one of the youngest Detectives in SW NC. After a few more years I was involved in foot chase where I simply bruised/strained my back. A few days home then was back at it; however now weekly RX of pain, perceived or otherwise, percocet. Many bad choices later I found myself hating my life and convinced myself straight resigning was best. No discipline or other just pure burn out October 2007, and like in a movie the badge and gun on chiefs desk..

Fast forward every single day since on some form of RX. Started with percocet and zoloft from my family DR, to getting sick trying to quit everything which turned into Oxycontin and hospital shopping just to stay normal. Meanwhile burned through ten years of 401K and now the past two years on Suboxone, Xanax, Zoloft, Prevacid and odds and end jobs with the constant depression from leaving my life. I am at max stress and my personal life is almost as rock bottom as I've ever known. From divorce 2, kid brother ODing on same RX I am on, to only maintaining work for month(s) at a time before again wanting to stay in bed.

I am sure my story is not the only like this but forget getting help, rehab. counseling, or basic medical care for my various, real or again perceived. Where's the help, if any, for former LEOs? I feel like the bad guy now and never filed for any type of benefits. My family DR here in FL has me diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression. I can't help but miss the job every day and night but lets face it I truly feel like I am sick from it. The dreams turned into nightmares and lack of sleep to now my only joy, besides kids, is sleep.

Anyone can relate please post and maybe we can email.

Joe
SW Florida

 

[ericaboo]

Welcome to PTSD forums Joe.

I'm sure there are other LEO's on the site you can connect with. I hope you can find some support for what you've been going through.

-Erica

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[Raj]

Welcome I know you can find support here.

 

[nursenurse]

Hi Joe, and welcome, you are unfortunately not the first, nor the last to experience what you have, and I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope you will find solace here from kindred souls. I gather from your post that there isn't much support professionally for you out there. You are still the good guy.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

 

[Dennis # 121]

Hi Joe Welcome from another LEO. I spent 34 years as a police. In 1977 after being on the Force for 12 months, I shot and killed a 16 year old girl who stabbed me as I was arresting her father for Domestic Violence. I took a beating from the media. Well back in those days, there was no post shooting aftercare. In the early 90's I finally sought out treatment on the QT. Went to a different city to get it done, as you know we cannot be weak. Well I was diagnosed with Manic Depressive disorder. I was wrongly diagnosed. I retired in 2011. This past December I again started having night terrors, and had a flashback. Little to say it ruined my marriage. I again sought treatment and was diagnosed with PTSD. I have just completed EMDR, it is a wonderful therapy. I am much better from it. The worst part of my PTSD is 2 marriages. If you get the opportunity for EMDR, take it.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Pileofbrass]

I am here. Retried LE after 17 years. Medical retirement due to off duty back injury. Diagnosed PTSD during the course of trying to obtain the medical retirement. I have been thru the ropes of the agency that doesn't support officers who ask for help.

I am here brother, looking for those who can relate to me.

 

[joebeyondblue]

It has been some time since I was on this site. I am just today seeing the replies and comment of welcome and support. Thanks. Here is a quick update. Sadly not much has changed other then I am finding myself spiritually. I turned 37 in June and have been stuck in the same place since. I have had some good weekends with the kids but they do not like coming here as we just sit in the house. I am staying with a family member now and somehow I am still without a vehicle so this has not helped my social or work life. I must admit thought I suppose it was fate as the longer I sat the more I lost myself and started praying. In that I decided to write about my life and so far I feel this may turn into an actual book. I am telling my entire story starting from my parents meeting. I can say since writing about my life in detail I started to see where things got off course. The reality is what I am dealing with is nothing new and times are very tough for everyone nowadays. I have heard many times, "It is what it is". This is true but dammit I will make a change.

I am working on trying to take a trip to the mountains soon to hike and camp somehow. If anyone ends up in SW Florida and wants to join me send one back. Life is way to short to stay in this bedroom.

 

[steve vallance]

my name is Steve and I was LAPD from 1981-1991. In 1987, I asked for help for what was then called, "stress." and a stress case was opened. I was an emotional wreck, and I just walked in and resigned. I tried to hide it and ran to a job with Great Falls Montana PD, where I was admittedly not at my best. When I left I was in the grips of full blown PTSD. After that things went down hill, running away from everything. I would like to connect with others who know they were suffering and on the job, and their actions after that were questionable to say the least. Although when I was there, seeing a psych, the dept just stood by and let it happen. I hear more and more stories like my own, and I do believe that any officer who dealt with the shit I did should be and should have been helped at the time.