Looking For Guidance On How To Help Myself

[zzzaaabbb]

Hello out there. I have just learnt recently that I am a sufferer of PTSD. In terms of recently I mean 8 months ago. I am from the United States and currently live in Washington. This is all very new to me and I am basically here for support and guidance on how to help myself so I do not hurt the ones around me that I love so dearly.

Here is a little background on my situation. When I was a child my stepfather verbally, physically and sexually abused me. My mother stood by him instead of me and let this happen on a multitude of occasions. They finally divorced and I suppressed everything. My mother has also been verbally and physically abusive. I had been in a mess of horrible relationships when I grew older that were also verbally and physically abusive. It was almost like I was drawn to the chaos without even knowing it.

Everything went downhill 8 months ago when my fiancé at the time told me he no longer loved me and we were through. I went into a tailspin of drinking and wanting to do drugs for the first time in my life. I ended up being hospitalised for the first time in my life and ended up with the diagnosis of PTSD. It was the best and worst thing to happen to me. I pushed through and passed my boards for my job and was about ready to start a job when I met the most amazing man of my life. I knew I wasn't over my issues but he was too perfect to pass up. He helped to make me feel whole again - normal again. I even stopped talking to my therapist during that time. Even the nightmares stopped. It felt like everything was going in the direction I wanted. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. Last month I think the PTSD resurfaced and I was horrible to my boyfriend. He is the most understanding and respectful person and I have hurt him beyond belief because of pushing him away and not opening up. I am dying inside knowing I did this to the man who I truly want to spend the rest of my life with. I am here for help, support, advice. Anything really. I am still talking with my therapist and even though my boyfriend says he is no longer my boyfriend he is going to counselling with me next week. Anything would be helpful in this situation. I want to get better so I do not destroy our relationship if he actually gives it another try.

Thank you so much in advance.

 

[amethist]

Hi Lindsay

Welcome to the forum.

Good for you in taking action and trying to get things back on track, finding this forum is another way to find loads of information to keep going forward. Maybe your boyfriend could have a look too, just to give him a better idea of how this effects people.

It will not be easy, but it may be possible to find your back to being at least good friends with him. You will have to let him decide for himself if in the future things could change back.

Look around the different areas and read how others cope with relationships, some can, some can't. That goes for sufferers and carers, is is hard for both sides.

Take care and keep going.

Amethist

 

[Deleted member 541]

Lindsay,

Welcome to the forum........I'm sorry that you are here, sorry that you have PTSD. It's so sad when I see yet another member join the forum, because it's one more story of pain and suffering. Sometimes I just get so sick of the shit in the world, and the sickos that cause it. Sometimes I would like to *do unto others*, but then I would be lowering myself to their level....

Anyway, I think that you need to work on you, your trauma, and do it for the right reason.....NOT to keep your boyfriend, but to do it for yourself. PTSD isn't going anywhere, but BF's may come and go throughout this process.....So I advise you to manage yourself and deal with the relationship later.......Right now, YOU need help....

 

[zzzaaabbb]

Thank you for all the advice and I would love to have more coming. I promise you I am doing this for myself - I do know that men come and go. I thought I was done and over with things when I had a period of 5 good months and then trouble resurfaced. I am getting help for me because I do not want this condition to ruin yet another relationship. I want to be free of this burden and live life the way that I should be. I know that I am sick right now and I want to be free and clear of this heavy cloud over my head so either this relationship will work out or a future relationship is not destroyed.

 

[Monarch]

with PTSD you will go up and down it is a fact but it becomes all about good coping skills when you are in a downward cycle. It is hard, really hard we all know that here.