Looking To My Therapist For Things I Know I Need To Learn Myself... Somehow

[Abstract]

Hi Hashi,

No pressure here. Just had a thought and it made me wonder if some of what I said could be too difficult for you or unhelpful for you. I know touching on child concepts other than your strong resilient Orphan Child is dangerous territory for you.

Thought I would just check in and drop off support and luck and let you know that I do totally trust in that resilience and strenght and that it will win through. Accepting the support you are getting now is a very strong and brave thing to do in my opinion. But maybe that is just projection! ;-)

 

[Hashi]

Hi Abstract,

No, you didn't say anything too difficult or unhelpful at all. I just got generally overwhelmed and stayed away for a few days. I'm still feeling overwhelmed so I'm not going to say much, but I wanted to thank you for your thoughts and your support.

You and maddog are right, of course. I didn't even think about having gone back to work when I wrote that I didn't understand why. It's exhausting, and the person training me has very chaotic and confused thinking which has affected me since I'm spending most of every day trying to understand things from her when she has little clarity and keeps contradicting herself. Thankfully I've got only one more day of this.

Of course there was the trauma work too. Unfortunately the trauma work is going to have to continue again very soon because part of what's so difficult at the moment is a particular aspect of trauma that I can't stop thinking about and feeling horrible about, and that means I need to talk about it in therapy. Grim.

Had a rough therapy session trying to talk about this (the thread topic), didn't manage very well because I was so sunk in negativity by then I found it hard to talk. Now I've got another two week break and wish I didn't. I'm thinking of emailing her - she said I could - but don't know what I'd say. (Obviously I haven't quite got the hang of this dependency thing.)

I like what you said about the healthy side of this, what others have said too.

I might need to go and hide again for a while now.

Thanks again.

 

[Abstract]

I totally understand being overwhelmed Hashi and it's OK. Run away now. ;)

I am sorry the person at work is chaotic and has confused thinking as being in a triggered state makes it hard enough to concentrate without that. I hope it improved. Remember to take a sick day if you need it and don't push yourself to hard.

Had a rough therapy session trying to talk about this (the thread topic), ...(Obviously I haven't quite got the hang of this dependency thing.)

I think when this stuff gets touched on it is intense chaotic and sure to bring up a whole lot of feelings and thoughts that don't line up in nice little well behaved lones. I tell myself that is OK (in a not OK way) as I think there is a lot of healing that can come with and from it even though it is so painful.

Be really patient with yourself if you can. Things will get better and you are just dealing with an awful lot at present. You are not alone in this.

 

[heidi]

I think other people are a mirror to us and reflect how we see ourselves. We should have independence from others' views but it's hard on a very deep level to do that. I think especially where family is concerned. I think maybe your therapist represents the support you are not getting in your life. Maybe you need more supportive people in your life who truely know you and are positive and reflect yourself back to you more accurately.