Professional distance is an amaaaaaazing thing, innit?At work, nothing gets to me. I’m known for being good at deescalating people. Why? Dunno.
Anger? It drives the car and I want it to just be a passenger that… sure, i can’t ignore… but doesn’t drive the car of my life.
Meds are no longe working. Even the bad coping skills and like self injury don’t really work.
How long have you been using meds to control your emotions for you?
Because the rebound from that? Is OMFGINSANE.
At it’s best? It’s like the happy-dog who has slipped his leash and is now running hell bent for leather -a streak of CAN’T CATCH ME wanna try wanna try wanna try?!?- as people chase after him (total futility, whilst he just laughs at them, darting easily out of reach).
At it’s worst? It’s more like having a tiger by the tail, who turns around and roars IWILLEATYOU.
Don’t get me wrong, I love-heart-adore-revel in being able to choose my emotions via chemistry. Looooooove it. But it’s pseudo-control, rather than self-control. And when either the drugs stop working, or we stop taking them? There is a MASSIVE backlash, as the chemical leash breaks, and emotions run wild for a time, given the freedom to do so. Whether they’re golden retrievers or man-eating tigers.
There’s a durn good reason I call the feral/PTSD side of me “TheBeast”. It’s a wild thing, and ultimately? Shrug. So am I. That’s not everybody, but it’s the balance I’ve personally struck. As long as I give myself the space to run wild/ be myself-myself from time to time? I can use the leash the rest of the time, without having to choke it tight, and still lose control.
Cut yourself some slack. The meds and coping mechanisms you’ve been using for years have quit working. You’re having to learn something entirely new.
Also? (Just a word to the wise) The more upset you are AT yourself/whatever’s running free? The less likely it’s going to come back to you. Exactly like how panicking about having a panic attack just makes it worse. Tranquila.