Losing hope regarding managing anger

[Friday]

At work, nothing gets to me. I’m known for being good at deescalating people. Why? Dunno.

Professional distance is an amaaaaaazing thing, innit?

Anger? It drives the car and I want it to just be a passenger that… sure, i can’t ignore… but doesn’t drive the car of my life.

Meds are no longe working. Even the bad coping skills and like self injury don’t really work.

How long have you been using meds to control your emotions for you?

Because the rebound from that? Is OMFGINSANE.

At it’s best? It’s like the happy-dog who has slipped his leash and is now running hell bent for leather -a streak of CAN’T CATCH ME wanna try wanna try wanna try?!?- as people chase after him (total futility, whilst he just laughs at them, darting easily out of reach).

At it’s worst? It’s more like having a tiger by the tail, who turns around and roars IWILLEATYOU.

Don’t get me wrong, I love-heart-adore-revel in being able to choose my emotions via chemistry. Looooooove it. But it’s pseudo-control, rather than self-control. And when either the drugs stop working, or we stop taking them? There is a MASSIVE backlash, as the chemical leash breaks, and emotions run wild for a time, given the freedom to do so. Whether they’re golden retrievers or man-eating tigers.

There’s a durn good reason I call the feral/PTSD side of me “TheBeast”. It’s a wild thing, and ultimately? Shrug. So am I. That’s not everybody, but it’s the balance I’ve personally struck. As long as I give myself the space to run wild/ be myself-myself from time to time? I can use the leash the rest of the time, without having to choke it tight, and still lose control.

Cut yourself some slack. The meds and coping mechanisms you’ve been using for years have quit working. You’re having to learn something entirely new.

Also? (Just a word to the wise) The more upset you are AT yourself/whatever’s running free? The less likely it’s going to come back to you. Exactly like how panicking about having a panic attack just makes it worse. Tranquila.

 

[Justmehere]

The anger feels like I could claw out an attacking tiger’s eyeballs!!!!

MThe med is an adhd med. I take it about 4 days a week… because I dunno. I just don’t manage to take it everyday. It stops the impulsivity that combined with anger is just stuuupid… it stopping being a tamper on that in last two weeks.the math has been very much after the fact. Realizing every time I screw up was a day I wasn’t taking it. Now it’s while taking it. Which makes be want to take it less… which…I hate it all.. self injury has been its own “drug” that totally doesn’t work. I still don’t stop. I seriously get close to just tearing me apart… I got close to breaking my hand hitting the floor…

Doc has pushed other meds in the past but they are all heavy duty meds that screw me up more. It’s hard because addiction runs in my family and I’d give the world for a med that would shut this out.

Trying to take in a bit of grace for myself.

 

[littleoc]

Shutting it out would likely not be helpful, but I understand what you mean.

Sometimes ADHD meds stop working as well you take them with certain foods, such as anything with vitamin C or citric acid (just learned that today), if that's something that may be affecting you?

 

[JamesM]

Losing hope regarding managing anger…

I don’t even know what to try anymore. “Therapy” is a lecture of 1,087 “coping skills” of which I can repeat endlessly. Nothing improves. I even hear the words “how about grounding skills?” and I get tense. What follows is a checklist.

I not sure when that switched and felt like shit.

I will destroy me, whatever is left of me, if something doesn’t change. I don’t know what to do.

Ok. First of all. Congratulate yourself!. You have become aware of your anger. That is a really good position to reach.

If you didn't have the awareness, you would be in the grip of it without even knowing.

Next time you get angry, just notice it and allow it to be there without beating yourself up.

For example, Somebody upsets you. You explode. Then after you calm down. Just notice you did it and how you feel and what made you upset.

I used to be like you, I would explode at anything or anyone, all the time. I was like that for years.


Now I live a much better quality of life and have become a very quiet person.
It took me about 3 years to get on top of it, and I did it on my own.

The anger people like us have is from old pain. It's like a dysfunction operating within us. Think of it like a program on a computer that is wired to do a certain thing a certain way. And that program takes time to re-code.

So be patient with yourself. I believe it will get better for you soon.

 

[looking for the road]

Hi I have been accused of being angry most of my life. I have gone down the wrong path for a long time. Until I finally realized that I didn't like the way I was going, I completed a number of angry management classes and felt nothing. Until I met a therapist who said I may be having anxiety problems which turned me into anger.
Questions what do you remember just before you feel anger? I felt shortness of breath, sweeting, tension and stress. I am not saying that you have anxiety but you may take a look at it? They're very close to the same feeling.
The way in which I am dealing with it countless amount of talking with my therapist. Now am on a walk about on the 4th month of this journey. Still taking and investigating on the website how to gain control of this anxiety. Also I write down information every day good and bad days what I find for information. I believe write down question and answer to talk about. Read the posts from myptsd also help. I write any time of day or night sometimes just morning and night. This gives me how to measure my steps forward or back.
Good luck in your search for peices.

 

[butterflycari]

Losing hope regarding managing anger…

I don’t even know what to try anymore. “Therapy” is a lecture of 1,087 “coping skills” of which I can repeat endlessly. Nothing improves. I even hear the words “how about grounding skills?” and I get tense. What follows is a checklist.

I not sure when that switched and felt like shit.

I will destroy me, whatever is left of me, if something doesn’t change. I don’t know what to do.

Hello friend, it sounds like you have been at my house this week, lol. I am also just realizing how much rage I am holding in my body from childhood PTSD. I recently had a major life change that triggered flashbacks with a lot of anger. I haven't had one in many years. I have been keeping foam bats handy and dancing vigorously to get anger out. I have been doing this daily, like letting off steam and I haven't had as many flashbacks. Calming music and soothing isn't going to touch this one. It feels like a demon that wants to fight. So I am doing battle with it. It seems to be helping me. Also, thank goodness for snow. I go out in it with not enough clothing on, bare feet, when I can't feel anything, and I roll around until I feel something. It is helping.
I am so sorry you are feeling this. I hope this helps in some way. Take care and fight those dragons in safe ways. This is my strategy right now.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think anger often is entwined with great grief. It's not so helpful to turn it inward either.

Hugs to you @Justmehere .

 

[looking for the road]

Hi I'm a person who has been fighting dragon for many years. To defeat a dragon put a name to it and let's start braking it down. You can not win if it is a hole. I gave it a name, why it made me anger, what was the in my case a number of parts came up? Now pick just one of these parts to work on. Write the name and parts down. Work on one at a time which you think is causing you anger. Then write down how you are able to slain it. Write down your means to slain it. Wait feel see. Take another one do the same. Remember write it down you need to remember how you defeated each part.

 

[Freddyt]

To defeat a dragon put a name to it and let's start braking it down.

I like the analogy because that's how it really is. You have to find all the places that anger lives and exists to deal with it. In my case - i'ts something I have been working on since almost day one, and I am still working on it.

It's not all better but it is more controllable now. And every time we work on it in therapy we take away another little piece of it. But with all the crap that has happened - it lives in a lot of places.

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

I choose to honor my anger. I have very good reasons to be mad, sometimes. I try to practice mindfulness. Recognize that I’m pissed off. Breathe through it. Go burn it off by doing something productive or just let the anger take over for a bit. I kind of like the hot waves of rage. I find them to be interesting. I listen to rock music, pace around my home. Anger is a valid emotion like sadness, happiness, unbridled joy etc. It’s neither good nor bad.

However, I don’t use this anger against anyone that doesn’t try to f*ck with me and mine. Goddamn. I do let my spouse now I’m feeling spicy. He and I know each other very well. Any crackhead that comes at me is in for a nasty surprise.