Twisted and Distorted
New Here
Well hello to all of you, I don’t really know where to start with introducing myself or what I tell.
I grew up in Africa and have witnessed far too many things for a child (the list is extensive and I’m not comfortable with talking too much yet). Over the years accumulatively there were so many incidents that my grandmother decided it was best to send my brother and I to boarding school in the U.K. ( Mother wasn’t in our lives and my Farther lived to work). Needless to say coming from this fight or flight situation to England was a complete culture shock, I had always suffered from nightmares, not sleeping, bed wetting, bad thoughts... but I never said a word and just carried on doing what people needed me to do, my brother too, however we never talked to one another about it and in October 2008 at age 21 he committed suicide. I wasn’t aware at first but after a while when he didn’t return my calls and emails I went looking for him, I travelled Cape Town where he had moved back to and found him in his apartment hanging from the curtain rail, he had been there two weeks. A month later my grandmother died as well but it was from old age and that’s where I started to really spin out of control.
There are so many images that I cannot rid from my mind, everything is all too much and I can’t keep any of the flashes from entering into my existing day. Just to tip it all off I have just started treatment for PTSD which would be great however we are in the NHS here and you only get 12 treatments of CBT and then that’s it. I’m frighten of letting go and being left.
I grew up in Africa and have witnessed far too many things for a child (the list is extensive and I’m not comfortable with talking too much yet). Over the years accumulatively there were so many incidents that my grandmother decided it was best to send my brother and I to boarding school in the U.K. ( Mother wasn’t in our lives and my Farther lived to work). Needless to say coming from this fight or flight situation to England was a complete culture shock, I had always suffered from nightmares, not sleeping, bed wetting, bad thoughts... but I never said a word and just carried on doing what people needed me to do, my brother too, however we never talked to one another about it and in October 2008 at age 21 he committed suicide. I wasn’t aware at first but after a while when he didn’t return my calls and emails I went looking for him, I travelled Cape Town where he had moved back to and found him in his apartment hanging from the curtain rail, he had been there two weeks. A month later my grandmother died as well but it was from old age and that’s where I started to really spin out of control.
There are so many images that I cannot rid from my mind, everything is all too much and I can’t keep any of the flashes from entering into my existing day. Just to tip it all off I have just started treatment for PTSD which would be great however we are in the NHS here and you only get 12 treatments of CBT and then that’s it. I’m frighten of letting go and being left.
