Lost My Therapist And Good Friend

[bright_morning]

I am not sure that this is the right place to post this. I am a bit confused and numb right now as it is. I have to post this to check myself, to make sure I check into reality and have a running tab on it.

Yesterday I got a call telling me that my therapist of about 10 years and dear friend, maybe one of the best friends I have ever had passed away suddenly right in his office during work hours. I am shocked out of my mind and feeling very fragile and yet numb right now. Everything seemed to be going so well lately, and this man was one of the first people I ever learned to really trust. I feel like a giant pillar of my life has been knocked out from under me. He was my greatest advocate and source of encouragement.

He was my sounding board, my mentor, and one of the best people I ever met.

 

[janej32]

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, I know there is really nothing I can say that can make it better but I just wanted you to know someone is listening. It's a horrible thing when a good friend and mentor passes away especially one you trusted so (as I know how hard that can be), but now you know you can trust. I pray many more great trustworthy friends come your way in the future.

 

[Heather]

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. Take care of yourself during this time.

Peace to you.

Hugs.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi bright_morning. This happened to me with a psychiatrist I had that I was really attached to. It was painful and hard to start over. I had to go through a couple of them and have finally found one that I can trust. It will take time to mourn and grieve. take your time, and be very gentle on yourself. This is a very traumatic experience. I wish you the best in starting over. I wish you the best in finding a therapist that is a good match. Hugs.

 

[kimba]

How terrible for you! I am sorry this happened. Please be good to yourself and take care of yourself.

 

[bright_morning]

Thanks for the replies everyone today's really hard the numbness is wearing off. I feel very sad and quite exposed and vulnerable. Not sure what to do even as I know there's nothing I can do: he's gone. I cannot believe that I just lost my dad in February and now my therapist has passed away. It's quite hard to absorb.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

So sorry bright_morning for this devastating event! I would be numb as well. This, along with your father's death will probably keep you 'out of sorts' for quite a while. There is no way around it except to live it one day at a time.

Take care of yourself, grief can make you less careful, or preoccupied and accidents happen.
Blessings & Prayers for you!

 

[maddog]

Bright-Morning, I am so unspeakably sorry for this tragic event and can barely imagine the shock and loss and vulnerability you must now be feeling. I hope very much that there is someone close to you, either personally or professionally, who can offer you some support and companionship at this time. He sounds like a wonderful man and a true gift to you.

Please take gentle care of yourself. I hope you will feel able to come and connect here as you need to, there will always be people here to listen and share as we can.

Maddog

 

[bright_morning]

Thanks Maddog.

I have been running myself ragged, time to take your suggestion about gentle care. I had a family reunion for my grandparents memorial to go to in the interim, just the week of my friend's funeral. I'm hurting and I won't even stop to acknowledge it.

I drank my brains out all last week at the reunion. Felt good, but was not good. I knew I was in some kind of survival mode but refused to stop. Had too much on my plate. I was saying goodbye to my grandparents, the safest people I ever knew at a ceremony my dad had planned but died in February of cancer before he could attend it. All this in the immediate wake of my therapist and friend passing away.

When I got to the reunion I realized my very kind and loving Aunt was also not there because she too died of cancer last year! I hadn't even had a moment in the last 12-18 months to really think of her! I felt guilty, sad, and numb.

This is all so confusing to try and process at the same time as working on my more severe traumas. Ever ask yourselves, "How am I ever going to get to the bottom of the PTSD if life keeps happening?"

I feel like I need a pause button for life so I can get a couple of things sorted before I have to take on any more.

 

[bright_morning]

Ug. Its Friday again, the day I normally saw my therapist. An "anniversary" of sorts each week. The grief is setting in really well now and the loss of my father and then my therapist are overlapping a lot.

Also seeing my Dad in a new light, he had PTSD as well and pretty much died with it. Its so sad.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thinking of you bright_morning. You sure have had alot of painful losses. I hate it when I lose someone to death. It cuts through the day to day of life and everything is so real. It lasts as long as it lasts, and it is especially painful when we are close to the person. It will eventually get better after a long time of grieving. You will be ok. It will be ok.

It is just getting through each day that is so hard. This is one of those things that heals with time passing. I am so sorry you have had so many losses. It is so unfair. I am wishing you the very best. Big hugs.

 

[Tinyflame]

bright_morning, I think your friend would want you to take care of yourself, and remember what he helped teach you, or for you to believe in about yourself.

If there is a way that exists that is possible, maybe he's helping you even now more than you know.

I'm so sorry for all those terrible losses. :( :cry:
((((Hugs)))) to you.