Lots Of Little Traumas.

[SnowJo]

Thanks. Too much time on my hands. I started a divorce recovery class. The divorce was 19 years ago...

wow, I hope you get the best in life to come! that is a terrifying tale and I hope you find really good calm people in your future that bring you peace and happiness.

 

[ground crew]

Thank you Snowjo, I am finding good and calm people in my life. I am really pumped about the interview in the afternoon tomorrow. I have researched the company, I know what they do and why they need me. I have developed a much more calm appearance, I am still jumpy inside but I don't show it as much. I am more patient, but still don't tolerate dumb asses or fools well. Never mind. I hear you on that grumpy thing, I had it pretty bad once or twice and it would not be useful now.

Snowjo, you have had some hair raising stuff going on too, and poverty, Hugs, cause I have been there. I believe you are going to get back to work. You can do about anything I think after reading your story, You go girl!!

 

[SnowJo]

Sending lots of positive thought rays out to ya for tomorrow... one step closer to it happening. One foot in front of the other, it will happen.

 

[ground crew]

Puttin on the interview outfit. and shaving, that seems important. Feeling good, feeling positive. I got this. they would be lucky to have me! Other positive talk that will come to me on the hour drive up there....

 

[SnowJo]

You can do it :)

 

[ground crew]

it went well. Now a long weekend of second guessing and doubt.

 

[RussH]

How about a weekend of anticipating the challenges your new job will bring you?

 

[ground crew]

say! that would be nice! but now my exe is pulling my chain with my daughter. so, anger will be here for a time. b**ch.

then i will calm down.

but what does one do with a malignant relationship which is hampered by one person refusing conversation on any level. and has my daughter. and has used every gift and confidence given selflessly (really) as another object to hit me with, and has her own law office? and this child was born to a woman who claimed to be sterile! this malignant scar on humanities ass has been beating me with my child for nearly a decade!

 

[SnowJo]

say! that would be nice! but now my exe is pulling my chain with my daughter. so, anger will be here...

That's trully horrid and I can understand why you suffer. There's nothing more hurtful than when someone actually means you harm. How they justify it is beyond me but they do. To have a daughter in the midst of it can only make you feel powerless. I hear your pain. I am sending comraderie rays across the ocean, you are not alone. I like to look at people like Nelson Mandella sometimes to remind myself I can not change the way some people are, filled with spitefulness, venom and hate, seeking to deliberately hurt people, but I can rise above it and put one foot in front of the other and through humility and tenacity walk out from hell into a better world of my own making.

Your daughter will need your wisdom one day.. I would imagine putting a snow globe over your x and see them unable to hurt you anymore as they can't penetrate the globe glass between you. Heal yourself by living for you... your daughter will need you to be strong and survive to help her one day when she seeks you out in the future. Avoid the topic of the x .. leave her in the snow globe of a chaotic world of her own making ...

My little journey for you.


Yes I have quite a journey ahead of me. It's mostly an emotional one... long story .. very difficult journey right now. It's one of my own making and one where the person I love most in the world is hurting because separating from me is causing them great pain. It's also crushing me and I wish there was a middle ground she could accept right now, but she doesn't see me as a separate person and I understand why, I simply lived in roles when she grew up and was unable to make her feel secure so she seeks to own me now as a way to feel close but I need to become a separate person now and set limits and that's not going down well. :(..... It's hard because it's so easy to hate myself for not being able to give her everything and just be there for them and forget myself.... but I have to get well now or I will simply delay more pain and insight her anger at not being able to cope without my help.

 

[ground crew]

okay, after anger comes depression, so that is where I am now. With agitation.

Thanks you are right. I should not react this way. I don't tolerate bullies. I was four when I tore into one, long story but formative. I seldom find a problem I can't out think, and those left I can physically destroy. This is unresolved for a decade. And I am tired of it.

Is there a chance you can get your daughter into therapy with you? From what you say, it sounds a little unlikely. But finding common ground is what you and her need, as well as me and the hex, yes I meant that spelling.

 

[SnowJo]

okay, after anger comes depression, so that is where I am now. With agitation.

Thanks you are righ...

Yes unsuccessfully tried that twice now :(

 

[SnowJo]

In therapy every week myself for years... gaining strength hoping to model beter skills and set limits without making her feel abandoned. Wip