"Love isn't always enough." quotes from here

[user47718]

Well, he made a decision?

I think it doesn’t help to cling onto him like that with a reasoning of issues.
There are issues, and then there are decisions people make about other people.

He made his about you, and the relationship, and it doesn’t really matter what led him to ghost (or if that was the actual reason). His reasons do not matter that much, you cannot fix him nor you could have before, you are not doing wrong by moving on with your life.

Its not like you failed because you didn’t understand something about him. Misunderstandings and their clarification are a two way road. A 49 year old man living on his own should be able to do a basic talk about basic things with their partner.

I can't tell if you are a sufferer or supporter? Have you ever "split on someone? ghosted after many months of a loving relationship?

 

[Ronin]

Both, in fact.

And, yes, to your other question. That is why I said what I said. (That it is not your fault, or a fault, but it is not something that is easily fixed, or that maybe even IS fixable, and things being done mean the need to move on, trying to find the fault retroactively does not change the history or heal either of you.)

 

[EveHarrington]

To child abuse survivors, love can be the most dangerous thing in the world. I know that those on the outside.....will never understand love as anything but a wonderful thing. Parents, caregivers are supposed to love us. Our survival depends on relying on the same people who abuse us. We don’t become adults and suddenly realize that this was all wrong. So to you it may seem loving, but we teeter on this loving/dangerous line that was branded into our minds at a young age. I think this is why some of us run from a loving partner. They don’t understand why we run from love. Love feels dangerous.

 

[user47718]

Both, in fact.

And, yes, to your other question. That is why I said what I said. (That it is not your fault, or a fault, but it is not something that is easily fixed, or that maybe even IS fixable, and things being done mean the need to move on, trying to find the fault retroactively does not change the history or heal either of you.)

I know all that rationally, the heart is another matter. I know that i will be better off in the long run because he could never "be there for me" dependably. He literally struggled everyday with one symptom or another. It would have happened eventually at another time of conflict or challenge that is so common in relationships. I am 53 now and will need a partner that can be there to help face the getting older situations reliably - I know I will be there for whoever is my partner- I am a very loyal partner! I hurt for me of course- but I hurt so much for him as well. He is one of the sweetest people I know. I will always remember him that way. thanks for trying to help me deal with this.

To child abuse survivors, love can be the most dangerous thing in the world. I know that those on the outside.....will never understand love as anything but a wonderful thing. Parents, caregivers are supposed to love us. Our survival depends on relying on the same people who abuse us. We don’t become adults and suddenly realize that this was all wrong. So to you it may seem loving, but we teeter on this loving/dangerous line that was branded into our minds at a young age. I think this is why some of us run from a loving partner. They don’t understand why we run from love. Love feels dangerous.

This just makes me very sad. none of you sufferers deserves this. I think of it as the brain making quick connections to the fight or flight areas because they are the pathways that are worn in well, much like a computer remembers words most often used. It just quickly goes there and skips the rational mind. Sad. Thanks for typing with me Eve- you have helped me alot. wish I could help others too.