Made a Mess of Things Again - Want to Commit Suicide

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I have sent you a PM cookie... oh, and I forgot to mention, I edit the thread titles to reflect what the person posts, and the "want to commit suicide" is a direct reflection of what you posted.

Please get yourself help cookie, for nobody else but yourself. Oh, I also forgot to include the diagnostic criteria for [DLMURL=""]Borderline Personality Disorder[/DLMURL] (BPD). I don't know whether you have that particular concern or not, but a good physician will soon find out if your honest with them.



:angry-fla got back in apt...near 10 pm....message from psychodoc's nurse on my machine....This is Alice...if you want to call me back...I'll be here til eight...That was it!!! :hit-boss: god....I left her 3 messages on her machine...she's supposed to remind him and see that he makes the arrangements for my hospital stay for Sat. AM!!!! SHIT!!!! I don't now what the hell to do to get clothes washed in morning plus get down to my mailbox by 3 pm to check to see if my pay is in it..if so...I have to get it cashed and get MO to get rent paid and mailed...and put together stuff to drive to hospital Sat.....I'm busted up with my uncle being dead and my chem system is all out of whack....evidently this ass of a nurse isn't getting her shit together!!!! [boil-boil-boil!!!!] as I said in my last message to her...just needed to know that all's been set up by the I not speaking English???????? don't have time to play phone tag with her tomorrow!!! now more STRESS cause I don't know what's happening about the arrangements!!!!:boxem: This will lead to sleep tonite??? I am going to leave a message on my psychodoc's secretary's machine....he usually checks that on the weekend....if I don't hear anything....I won't be going....cause I am not going to show up there and hope there's a bed for me...cause I know in those situations I can get sent anywhere[eeeeek!!!!] but not hopefully if I'm not suicidal....never know in this state...too far to drive and then have to drive home in my present state of arrangements made for my cat's therapist [Bill] was really helpfull tonite....when I got to the office door I put my head on his shoulder and finally could cry about my loss...he's 6'4" and it was like being hugged by a big teddybear....just what I needed....he tried to ask questions when I started crying into my bunnies...when I told him that EMPTY has no words he asked if I wanted to hold onto his hand and just to have him be there for me....that was also what I needed...He said he'ld call the hospital and check up on me....then my friend nearby his office met me in my favorite park and we had a little picnic for my birthday...couldn't get the charcoal she got grilled burgers from nearby restaurant...they tasted just like she had just fixed them on the grill there...NICE!!!....we talked and hugged a bit and that helped me home late....I keep seeing a long line of ghostly people....many rhymy poems going through my head...would be good if I could clear my mind enough to write them down...gonna get laundry ready so I can get to washer and dryer early and get 2 loads done...folded and my stuff packed....I feel my mind keeps wandering off....put it together-put it together....Keeping the PEACE....wildfirewildone......
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