Managing my flashbacks better

[Tinyflame]

I am thinking you maybe are bringing up a good point @VelvetDream , that is there a difference from being triggered by what seems to be occurring (disproportionally influenced by the past), or are you triggered because it is occurring again in reality? Though of course now, the consequences needn't be the same.

Feeling so low or dysregulated likely colors heavily how you feel. But, just as equally, something I never did before is recognize I can actually read the situation or present correctly, sometimes more astutely or accurately than most. I think many of us can, because we needed to and learned to. There is triggering, but there is wisdom brought forward. and as you said, self-esteem.

I hope you will feel better soon.

 

[Freddyt]

Managing EVERYTHING in PTSD is learning not to get to that point where you lose control. It's about making space for all the things that happen so you can stay away from your worst reactions.
And about being able to head stuff like flashbacks off at the pass. It's not all totally controllable - but you can get to where the worst of it is reduced.

It's not easy, it takes work. Everyday it takes work. All the time it takes work. But you don't have to live in the "almost everything unexpected throws me into the dissociation zone.

Start with the stress cup - work on managing it, then rumination, then.....just keep adding to your toolbox............

 

[Deleted member 53709]

@Tinyflame yeah, thanks, i spent a lot of time gaslighting myself because in my head having ptsd symptoms dismissed what i was feeling, and i got stuck in the same hellish situations over and over again.
yes ptsd does distort thngs heavily, but it's not always random, sometimes it is not a neutral trigger, but as you said, some dynamic happening again. Not as bad, sure, but still the same goddamn place that doesn't allow me to go towards growth, awareness etc

I relate to the reading situation thing as well, basically how i survived starting young, learning to read and placate people.

I'm actually feeling better, thank you, this thread helps! I found Friday's post to be a bit confrontational at first but it was grounding in a way. And hey, it's the first time i'm able to exchange on a thread instead of just shaking in fear and asking Dr Catalyst because just having actual peopl writting words triggers the hell out of me.SO this is good! I was also able to pick up the guitar and paint a little bit, which i wasnt able to do those previous weeks. so definitely better

@Freddyt thanks, it's difficult for me i think because some serious triggers are almost always present : lights, natural or otherwise, white walls. So when it strikes, it is quite literally unescapable. I wish I had a safe zone where i can face the trigger on my own accord, but i simply can't, so i get very difficult symptoms almost everyday.Also I think, because things have been put aside, unadressed for soooooo long, now i have to adjust my situation into a somewhat healthy one at a rapid pace. so obviously it's causing commotion, my ptsd does NOT like sudden changes lol

 

[Freddyt]

it's difficult for me i think because some serious triggers are almost always present

Have you read this article? I know it has been recommended many time by one of our mods....

How to use triggers as a means to recovery?

To answer this question, lets first define a psychological trigger. A trigger is an activated traumatic memory due to your present environment via one or more of your five senses, sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. A trigger will result in a symptomatic or behavioral response. To fully...

www.myptsd.com

 

[Deleted member 53709]

Have you read this article? I know it has been recommended many time by one of our mods....

How to use triggers as a means to recovery?

To answer this question, lets first define a psychological trigger. A trigger is an activated traumatic memory due to your present environment via one or more of your five senses, sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. A trigger will result in a symptomatic or behavioral response. To fully...

www.myptsd.com

yeah, i've read it
i'll try i guess
it's just, it's so physically painful, you know? And there's little room for gradual exposure, because it's bam! Lights! white walls! everywhere!
Also i kind of feel i simply don't have the strenght? at the moment
like so freaking tired, would feel like adding even more stufff
fear of frying my brain too, because it hurts so bad

idk

i'll think about it

 

[Tinyflame]

@VelvetDream Idk if this will help, but I know what helps me with triggers if I know what they are, is to first go, ok, I know that is a trigger. But then what I now know to think is, what am I feeling (in words)? And when did I feel this way? Or, if I remember the event that had the trigger I might remember I felt that way, or know now I probably did. Lastly, I think, what story am I telling myself now? So (hypothetically) the white walls might remind me of event(s); I might acknowledge I felt afraid, despair, disbelief, crushed; the story I tell myself may be nothing changes or can, I am trapped, I am betrayed; I am alone with only my resources (depleted).

You are not alone. I know even of people (Concentration Camp survivors) where the showers have to not be white.

And as you said, if writing feels triggering and risky, you still did it anyway. And that is more success.

ETA @VelvetDream , I forgot to say, and then after that I can think or say to myself, no wonder I feel that way, even though it's simply a (white wall). then the next white wall, I am more ready to observe how I feel, more than take my feelings to heart. I won't like it, but I will be able to observe it more than live it. (I hope that makes sense.)

 

[Friday]

it's just, it's so physically painful, you know? And there's little room for gradual exposure, because it's bam! Lights! white walls! everywhere!

How much control do you have over your environment?

Painting walls, lanterns, etc?

 

[Freddyt]

Also i kind of feel i simply don't have the strenght? at the moment
like so freaking tired, would feel like adding even more stufff
fear of frying my brain too, because it hurts so bad

When you have had two T's ask the question "how are you still alive?" you know your trauma history is well, bad enough. Catching your T making the OMG face? you know your thermostat for "bad" has been badly damaged.

I switched T's this year. My new T is amazed how well I function but really? It's skills I learned here that help my everyday.

There's a story about a sales guy walking up to a house where the owner and his dog are out on the porch. As he is talking to the guy the dog keeps making moaning and groaning sounds. Finally curiosity get the best of the salesman and he asks why the dog is moaning and whining. The owner says "oh hes lying on a nail that's sticking up and he's moaning because it isn't hurting him enough to want to move."

Don't be the dog......

Know it or not - you came to a place where no matter why you have PTSD, you can learn to make your day to day better and start living with a "window of tolerance" where you can fnction day to day rather than living in the "mail slot of tolerance" where all you do is bounce from where you are to hyper everything and dissociation constantly.