Sufferer Managing PTSD Triggers and Anxiety

[daisymayhem]

Diagnosed 10 years ago. Not long after that I moved as I was living in an area that triggered me. My psychologist contacted the mental health place in my new area and asked them to support me. I was still new to ptsd, so much I still needed to learn. They discharged me and threw me to the wolves. Summer time I cope, just. I'm an existence not a life. August onwards I nose dive. Anniversaries etc. Inside I'm completely broke, held together by elastic bands and tape, outside I'm living in a roll of bubble wrap, safer but im suffocating. I'm scared. Scared of not hiding. Scared to look in the mirror. Scared of speaking it. Scared of breaking me completely. Yesterday I read that I'm doing everything that feeds it, but I don't know what else to do.

 

[Riley Jones]

Diagnosed 10 years ago. Not long after that I moved as I was living in an area that triggered me. My psychologist contacted the mental health place in my new area and asked them to support me. I was still new to ptsd, so much I still needed to learn. They discharged me and threw me to the wolves. Summer time I cope, just. I'm an existence not a life. August onwards I nose dive. Anniversaries etc. Inside I'm completely broke, held together by elastic bands and tape, outside I'm living in a roll of bubble wrap, safer but im suffocating. I'm scared. Scared of not hiding. Scared to look in the mirror. Scared of speaking it. Scared of breaking me completely. Yesterday I read that I'm doing everything that feeds it, but I don't know what else to do.

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles with PTSD. It sounds like you have been through a lot and are carrying a heavy burden. It's completely understandable to feel scared and overwhelmed by everything you are experiencing.

It's important to remember that you are not alone in this journey. Connecting with others who understand what you are going through can be incredibly helpful. Myptsd.com is a peer-to-peer community where you can share your experiences, find support, and learn from others who have been in similar situations.

While seeking professional help is crucial, talking to people who have firsthand experience of living with PTSD can also be extremely beneficial. On myptsd.com, you can find specific forums dedicated to various topics related to PTSD and CPTSD, where you can engage with others who may have insights and coping strategies that could help you navigate through this challenging time.

Remember, healing is a process, and it's okay to not have all the answers right now. Take things one step at a time, be gentle with yourself, and reach out for support when you need it. You deserve to feel safe and supported as you work towards healing and reclaiming your sense of self.

 

[arfie]

hello daisy. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

Yesterday I read that I'm doing everything that feeds it, but I don't know what else to do.

in my own recovery process, building my awareness of my condition often feels like i am feeding the worst of myself. perhaps i am. the analogies i adopted during my animal rescue work are springing to the conversation. during the initial rescue, an abused and/or neglected animal will fight its rescuers, tooth and nail. further starving the animal is not a solution. gentle handling and trust building awareness gets me further.

my own recovery has not been an event. it has been and remains a process. i work to be gentle with myself --especially the savage parts-- and patient with the process. there is a chorus from a john michael montgomery song i like to sing to help me be patient.

"life is a dance we learn as we go
"sometimes we lead
"sometimes we follow
"don't you worry 'bout what you don't know
"life is a dance we learn as we go." ~life's a dance

 

[daisymayhem]

hello daisy. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

in my own recovery process, building my awareness of my condition often feels like i am feeding the worst of myself. perhaps i am. the analogies i adopted during my animal rescue work are springing to the conversation. during the initial rescue, an abused and/or neglected animal will fight its rescuers, tooth and nail. further starving the animal is not a solution. gentle handling and trust building awareness gets me further.

my own recovery has not been an event. it has been and remains a process. i work to be gentle with myself --especially the savage parts-- and patient with the process. there is a chorus from a john michael montgomery song i like to sing to help me be patient.

"life is a dance we learn as we go
"sometimes we lead
"sometimes we follow
"don't you worry 'bout what you don't know
"life is a dance we learn as we go." ~life's a dance

Thank you. Fighting is all I seem to do, myself mostly. I've isolated myself because I can't cope with me and the rest of world. My dog is my one constant. I would say my cat, but I've come to the conclusion he is a narcissistic, control freak,lol ( I mean that with love)
I love the Montgomery piece. I write a lot, my journal is my best friend, my conscious,my truth and my therapist.

 

[arfie]

Fighting is all I seem to do, myself mostly. I've isolated myself because I can't cope with me and the rest of world.

ditto, to the point where even my therapy supporters watch their use of the word, "fight." rage is one of my meaner psych symptoms and all to easily triggered. when i isolate, it is frequently for public safety, but i fight myself far more often than i threaten public safety. why is it i am the only one who gets black eyes when i fight the demons in my head? anger channeling and reminders to be gentle with myself are my way out of that vicious cycle.

My dog is my one constant. I would say my cat, but I've come to the conclusion he is a narcissistic, control freak,lol ( I mean that with love)

i can't keep it loving when i call cats narcissistic control freaks, but learning how to listen to my dog might be the most important therapy tool i've yet to acquire. they have important things to tell me. i most often keep female dogs so they can double as tutors on how to be a REAL bitch. a REAL bitch will bite if she has to, but she gets back to tail wagging as quickly as possible.

donkeys have joined my therapy support network. you don't teach a dog how-to. you show a donkey why-to. that would be my ass's eye in my avatar picture. his name is donkey odie.

 

[daisymayhem]

ditto, to the point where even my therapy supporters watch their use of the word, "fight." rage is one of my meaner psych symptoms and all to easily triggered. when i isolate, it is frequently for public safety, but i fight myself far more often than i threaten public safety. why is it i am the only one who gets black eyes when i fight the demons in my head? anger channeling and reminders to be gentle with myself are my way out of that vicious cycle.

i can't keep it loving when i call cats narcissistic control freaks, but learning how to listen to my dog might be the most important therapy tool i've yet to acquire. they have important things to tell me. i most often keep female dogs so they can double as tutors on how to be a REAL bitch. a REAL bitch will bite if she has to, but she gets back to tail wagging as quickly as possible.

donkeys have joined my therapy support network. you don't teach a dog how-to. you show a donkey why-to. that would be my ass's eye in my avatar picture. his name is donkey odie.

This going to sound daft, but can you suggest any reading material for me to learn properly about ptsd please? I've learnt more in a few hours about it by asking Google. For example, I didnt/don't fully understand triggers, I know now that actually I'm triggered a lot of the time ( that its not just me being a difficult cow), i had a phone review for pip and the woman said one word 3 times so 3 times i put the phone down. How do you tell people not to say a word etc when you dont or cant say it yourself?. Also I didn't think I was hyper vigilant, naively. I've seen today im actually very vigilant. I'm sorry for the questions.
My dog is my rock. She knows me better than I do. She knows when to nag me, be in my face demanding I focus on her and at night she knows that sometimes I just need her to lay by my side just touching but not suffocating me.
Donkeys as therapists, the only donkeys I've known were grumps who would kick you sooner than look at you. I've had horses over the years. Got told not to risk further injury to me back and to stop riding in 2012. I miss the horsey contact, but mostly I miss burying my face into a pogle who has his winter woolies and that winter horsey smell of a field kept horse. Are you still in rescue?

 

[arfie]

This going to sound daft, but can you suggest any reading material for me to learn properly about ptsd please?

it might sound equally daft, but i haven't read an unguided psychology book --especially self-help-- since the 80's, long before the ptsd dx had hit the market. starting in the late 60's, as a teenager, i had developed an addiction to self-help books and was ingesting at least a few every week. my shrinks were united in their agreement that i was confusing myself with the random intake of so many warring experts. i haven't read a psychology book without guidance since i started to understand their concern. the first of the ptsd books didn't start proliferating until i was "graduating" to therapy maintenance around 2k.

that said. . .

pete walker's "from surviving to thriving" has been getting rave reviews on my therapy network. the discussions i have listened to from the folks who have read it sound downright logical and intelligent.

Are you still in rescue?

not officially, but people still bring me wounded wildlife. i live on a wildlife preserve and animals often come to me when they are in need.

 

[daisymayhem]

might sound equally daft, but i haven't read an unguided psychology book --especially self-help-- since the 80's, long before the ptsd dx had hit the market. starting in the late 60's, as a teenager, i had developed an addiction to self-help books and was ingesting at least a few every week. my shrinks were united in their agreement that i was confusing myself with the random intake of so many warring experts. i haven't read a psychology book without guidance since i started to understand their concern. the first of the ptsd books didn't start proliferating until i was "graduating" to therapy maintenance around 2k.

Ha, I've just learnt how to do this quote thing. Doesn't sound daft at all,it makes sense. I'm just having to do this on my own. So I need to know what I'm doing thats right and wrong. I've not had a therapist sit and tell me or give me much insight into the ptsd diagnosis. For example: I struggle walking down the street, im. Constantly looking potenial problems, i took the door off the walk in cupboard in my porch because some could hide in there,the other cupboard i cant the door off, so i leave the light on in there and have a catch on the outside of it so ill know if someones opened it and could be inside, i leave a piece od paper or a hair on handles when i have to go out so i can check its still there before i go back in, people walking behind worries me. If there's a van parked near the pavement with an open door, I'm inwardly panicking and want to run home. Lots of things I call myself paranoid and stupid for. A lot of my symptoms in the last few years I didn't realise were ptsd symptoms. I just thought I was weird and difficult. I have always had mental health issues but couldn't understand where, (what I'm now finding out is the ptsd) were coming from. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say. I'm 60 and and don't have family around me, so there's been literally no one to tell me much of anything. I've read some stuff online but found it over whelming or too deep and complicated, especially when my heads full of all sorts.