I am not the biological Dad. That dead beat is exactly like this! He beats women to a pulp and manipulates those around him to get things, that has lead to many turns in jail.
Oh gosh, I almost feel like saying 'my condolences' only nobody died. That's a heavy thing to sit with...to not even be this persons blood relative, but have basically inherited him with his wife when you got married. I was almost going to suggest you both discuss the possibility of sending him to be with his dad and they can be peas in a pod, or birds of a feather, or whatever...just not near you, or your wife...but that is pretty much just giving up right there and saying there is no hope. Maybe there isn't at this stage. It sounds like he has inherited his fathers abusive streak, and he feels completely entitled to flash it around and isn't scared of what you or his mother might throw at him.
That's scary stuff to have a kid have that much power over your household. I feel for you both. I feel for you that you have inherited this issue through no other action than falling love with his unfortunate mother, and I feel sad for your wife, who I'm sure blames herself in some way for how he turned out, even though it is scientifically probably provable that it's more just that he inherited the 'bad genes' and it had nothing to do with her. If he'd inherited her good genes, he might have turned out better, but these things tend to be dominant from memory?
I am very sad about the son my wife and I have raised together, yet wonder how much of this may be DNA?
I wish I could back it up scientifically right here, because I'm almost convinced that is where it stems from.I think that if you were to really look into it, you would learn lots about dominant genes and how abusive personality traits...if they are deeply ingrained in a persons mind, so it was actually a part of their personality, and not just some learned behavior that no one ever taught them not to act out. It might be too easy to then just sign it all off on a genetic rotten apple. I will say, that if he is 18 and these characteristics are only growing stronger in him, then there isn't much chance he will ever change unless HE starts to see that it is unacceptable, or that there are dire consequences for HIM if he does not start conforming to some basic pre-requisites for joining the human race.
Our other two children boy and girl also teens (raised same way same amount of time) are nothing like this at all. They have normal teen defiance and boundary testing. We are all scared of this older teen, yet a dumb counselor told Him "he did not need rules", What?!
It sounds more and more like genetic to me. When you and your wife are scared of your teenage son, then there is a huge problem there...which needs addressing. I know it is easier for me to say because I am not involved emotionally, or in any way really except for my level of engagement that I have chosen here on this forum right now...but if I were in your position I would be getting ready to play hard ball with this camper, because this is about control...all the way.
The other two get ground, don't like, but except, him verbal or physical threats zero exceptance.
I couldn't quite make this out, but I think you were saying that the other two children don't like the way he behaves, but accept that he is like this,but do not accept any of the behavior. What is essential is that you ALL refuse to pander to his demands anymore. He's a kid who has monster genes. Teach him what he will NOT get away with under your roof.
