Marriage 50/50 partnership?

[NewBeginnings]

I think that's totally legitimate. But, maybe keep in mind that you're not sure. (yet) I'm not fond of...

Do you have kids?

 

[scout86]

No. I have step-kids though. When we got married, the oldest was graduating from high school and the youngest was entering junior high. We stayed on good terms after the divorce and are on good terms to this day.

Something they have said to me, that surprised me, was that they thought they'd learned a lot about marriage from watching their dad's marriages & divorces. (He was married 3 times & died a few years ago.)

 

[NewBeginnings]

@scout86, @shimmerz , @EveHarrington , @Nessa7 ,@She Cat ,@valkeasisu ,@Friday @Beemo3780

Thank you for your suggestios and thoughts. I thought it would be weeks before I had an opportunity to seriously talk with a friend but instead a unique opportunity presented. Sorry for the tangent of this post. And my long rambles.

My moms birthday is this month and my sister and I have really hard time visiting her. A couple of days ago we realized we would be able to visit together this weekend. (Visits are so much easier to handle when we are together although we live hours from one another so usually highly unlikely). We all spent the day on the beach and my sis and I took a very long walk. Not sure how it really came up but somehow I let my sister into my world a little bit.

I asked her to be honest and blunt with me. Her response shocked me. She told me she was worried about me - my safety and my health!! I assured her that I was safe and that I have never been hit - this came up around my husbands angry outburst that are never directed at people but he has punched walls or thrown things. She told me I am a different person without him around versus with him and that I had been more relaxed this trip than she has seen me in a very long time. (Often visits are when husband is around too.) She pointed out that I don't put myself first. She acknowledged the few times she has seen me be a little assertive that I would be pushed until I gave in to his request/ way. I told her that I am afraid of my husband - not because I think I am in danger but because of bad experiences with father,,,I was shocked to hear the words come out of my mouth.

My sister and I spoke about our lives growing up in the same house which we have NEVER done. We spoke about so many things. We live hours apart and I don't have a chance to see or visit her often. This was a really wonderful talk in so many ways- she lived our childhood too and we could connect on what happened. We are 7 years apart but both had our own share of bad experiences. I have never been in a place to open up. She validated me. I don't know how I really did it. When we did eventually get interrupted, I thankfully was able to run into the ocean and take a cold swim. I had dissociated at times during our talk but my episodes when I fully check-out are short lived. The cold swim definitely helped clear my mind and get me into my body. We said we would continue to talk.

I am not sure where this leaves me now other than seeing how i have not been honest with myself about my situation and it is not ideal.
Thanks for listening.

@The Albatross
Thank you too - not sure why you were missed in above.

 

[asadafagahajakal]

Everyone is different but I am struggling with the concept of marriage being a 50/50 partnersh...

It's more like 100/100. You both gotta give it your all and you both gotta recognize each other's strengths. That's what I've learned from being married for 2 years.