Marriage Ending, Need To Get Healthy, Looking For Support

[ericaboo]

I have ptsd, can't stay sane with my mentally ill (not ptsd), husband.

We talked tonight - not sure he gets it - I think it's over.

Any supportive words appreciated...

 

[maddog]

Oh Erica, you have all of my support mate, and anything else of that nature that can be shared through a computer. We are all here to listen, empathise, advise and support as best we can, so feel free to post here as often and whenever you like.

Wishing you courage.

Maddog

 

[Whitneys story]

Not sure he gets it.

How do I say congrats without sounding mean? You are doing what is in your best interest. Please don't be guilted by others. It can't be easy, stay focused and take care of yourself. No matter how the decision came about, it is painful. Behemoth Hugs, Whitney

 

[Red Feather]

I know how hard this can be. Wishing you lots of strength and courage. (((hugs)))

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

So sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is to walk away even if you know it is for the right reasons.

Wish you peace.

 

[ericaboo]

Thanks for the replies. I moved into the spare room last night - he called this morning wanting to schedule an extra marriage counseling session for tonight.

That's going to be awkward. I guess I show up there with all my most honest reasons - hope I still get a ride home when it's over...

 

[Tifanee]

Good luck ericaboo!!! Divorce and separation sucks, and everyone feels like they failed something they made a commitment to. I know I felt like I had failed. Sometimes, it is necessary to have a separation so each of you can get your stuff in order. I was separated for over 2 years trying to make it work with my ex, when I finally accepted the fact that I will never be a priority to him it was emotionally easier to call the lawyer and finalize paperwork. Today, the divorce still sucks, but I had to get out of the relationship before I completely lost "me". I am happier today and doing the things I enjoy doing again.

You are doing the right thing by taking a step back in order to gain more control over "you", especially since it appears difficult for your husband to be the support structure you need. Not his fault, he has his own stuff to work on. I send you hugs and all the support the written word can offer you :)! Make each choice as it comes and continue to make decisions based on honesty and you won't go wrong.

 

[The Albatross]

Sending warm thoughts today Ericaboo, hope the session goes okay. Glad you're going and are willing to state your issues.

 

[ericaboo]

I tried everything I could figure out how to be a healthy caregiver. I just can't balance my own needs with his demands and controls, and I'm getting so triggered whenever I try to be assertive and he blocks me. It's making me physically and mentally ill. My job's in jeopardy, and my quality of life just isn't where it needs to be...

I need to "get a life"

Glad you're going and are willing to state your issues.

Thanks - I hope I can hold my head up and stand up for the little girl inside who wants to get into a more healthy environment... I hope the appointment won't seem like a mistake

 

[The Albatross]

Ericaboo, it is never a mistake to state your issues honestly and openly as you can. But having done that, we can never control the outcome or how a person reacts. (Act or accept is my motto along with "to thyne own self be true"). Better to be candid and up front than pay for a session and clam up. I know if I clam up I feel like I'm just wasting everybody's time and end up beating myself up anyway because I was a coward.

 

[ericaboo]

I think I'm going to have to write down what I want to say ahead of time or I won't be able to get my brain to work.

 

[woundedsoul]

ericaboo, I am sorry to hear you are going through this, but I am so impressed with the post you left that said you cannot be a caregiver to your husband and take care of your own needs. Most insightful and important to you to be able to begin your own healing process. I relate to so much of what you've posted. I wish you the best of luck. Separation and Divorce are extremely difficult, but you have clearly identified your own needs and that the marriage may be preventing you from healing. Wish I had the guts and the financial means to take care of myself in this way because I need it too, in order to *begin* healing. Thinking of you and hoping the very best for you.