Marriage Worries

[Kunoichi]

Hi all,

I know this is probably normal of any bride-to-be but even more so for those with PTSD. I'm see all the threads in the carer section of how a lot of marriages are in trouble because the person with PTSD is hard to deal with or isn't getting treatment.

I'm terrified I'm going to ruin my marriage!!

Is this normal?

:crazy::dontknow:

Thanks all

Kunoichi

 

[tardis]

I reckon its normal to be concerned. I'm recently engaged and we both have PTSD. We've chatted at length about being worried it won't work out, that we'll sabotage our chances somehow. We're excited and hopeful but have fears at the same time.

a lot of marriages are in trouble because the person with PTSD is hard to deal with or isn't getting treatment.

Yer it seems lots in the carer's section have partners who aren't getting any kind of help. But that's different from you or I though, isn't it? I mean, you are here and working on yourself. I reckon if you deal with your trauma as best you can, your honest and open with your partner and there's mutual respect, it won't be as much of a concern. My girlfriend and I aren't perfect, but I like to think we try hard to manage ourselves and if your doing that, I think you have a good chance at things working out.

 

[Vickym]

I think as long as you both work at it things will be fine. Marriage is for better for worse but not forgranted. Everyone with or without ptsd has bad days. You are only going to get out of it what you put in it. My boyfriend needs to stop talking to people that are clueless about ptsd cause they all tell him they dont know why I am still here by his side. They have made him feel like he is not good enough for me. I tell him he has to go with what is in his heart and let me choose for me. I do think marriage can be successful with ptsd as long as the other person understands it and can be strong enough to not take the down days so personal. Congrats on saying yes!!! I hope the day is beautifull for you!

 

[Mina]

I think Tardis is right - you're not someone who is in denial about PTSD. You're getting help, reaching out, in therapy, working through trauma, writing in your diary...all things that in the long run, will only make you a better person and therefore a better partner. Your fiancee has also made it clear that he is capable of dealing with you when your symptoms surface, and that he is committed to you. That's a great start.

If it makes you feel any better, DH and I were going to marriage counseling before I got diagnosed. We just kept getting worse, as did I personally. One thing that has majorly improved our relationship is finding out I have PTSD, and getting help for it. My being in therapy and working on trauma has made a world of difference, as has his willingness to understand what PTSD does to me. Don't get me wrong, we still have plenty of bad days, but it's really different from before treating the PTSD.

 

[pandora]

At least you made it to the marriage part..i cannot seem to trust enough to go beyond a second date!!! Keep the lines of communication open and never go to bed angry...

 

[Nicolette]

I'm terrified I'm going to ruin my marriage!!

I don't know much about PTSD but the fact that you are concerned about your marriage says a lot in itself. If you want something and are willing to put in the effort while being aware of the problems I figure you're half way to a good outcome before you've even started.

Wishing you a long and wonderful marriage.

 

[Marlene]

I'm terrified I'm going to ruin my marriage!!

Not a new bride by 22 years...but, with PTSD I have felt the same way too many times to count. It comes from that negative little monster that lives in our brains and poisons us against ourselves.

There's a reason we take the vows of 'For better, for worse, richer, poorer, sickness, health...' ect. when we get married. Because life is all of those things plus. My husband has reminded me that the PTSD means that I'm sick...therefore it falls under the heading of 'In sickness and in health'.

One of the hardest things I've ever done is being married. The only thing harder is being a mother. Neither is for the feint of heart. It's a daily committment to each other. And even with PTSD, it's something that can be done. Each marriage is such a unique thing and the success or failure of each depends on the two people who are in it.

Talk to your future husband about your fears and concerns. Communications...pretty high up there on the important list.

Lisa