Massive Anxiety After Posting On Forum.

[PerfectlyFlawed]

Aww, I had this when I first joined, that is why I never fill out any personal information or "about me" sections are blank on my profile. Less information is better for anxiety. I do not mention names or anything personal when talking about my PTSD. For example, I never tell my story.

Hope you find peace.
PerfectlyFlawed.

 

[anthony]

For example, I never tell my story.

That is why things like the member diaries exist, as they can only be seen by logged in members, not guests, which includes search engines.

Any forum that has (Members) or (Private) in the title cannot be seen by guest readers or search engines, thus allowing members to talk openly about their trauma, without fear of that information being public or searchable.

Still... I would recommend to not use specific locations or real peoples names... if anything, create false names for use, which immediately ceases anyone connecting the dots to your real identity, especially when so many stories of trauma here near replicate one another as it is.

 

[Jezzryn]

Hey nicci,

I really understand how you feel. I was very, very anxoius about my first posts. I felt... I don't know... Stupid and ope to attack. After all, anything you post on a medium where many people can read it, they can also form oppinions or attack your views. Not that I really thought, this would happen here, but yeah, I aknoweledge, that I have really big trust issues. Just a few minutes ago, I did go to desktop and had a really hard time, telling my best friend for many years, that I was posting here.
I knew it was stupid, she knows about as much as I am able to tell anyone. She stands by me. Always. Still...

It's a safety mechanism. But not all of those are always healthy. 100% safety is sadly an illusion, but I think the staff does everything they are capable of to provide as much safety, as they can. And as mentioned before: as long as you avoid names, spesific dates and locations, I think it would be really really hard to say with certenty: Jep, this is this person I know.

 

[Lionheart]

I don't care who knows that I was sexually abused and traumatized as a child...
I don't care if everyone knows who did it...
I don't care who knows that I come here, and I don't care if others know that I have disabling PTSD...but what does scare me is humiliation, rejection, or abandonment from the owner/staff or members of this site.

For years, every time I post, I get the urge to run away and I will often log out right after posting too. Later, I will check my email notifications to see if anyone has replied and read it from "a safe distance."

I panicked though when I first posted my story and I can certainly understand why someone would want to conceal their identity and remain as private as possible. We shouldn't have to be exposed to any further danger than we have already experienced, still I think this site does a good job of protecting us if we use our common sense.

 

[maddog]

Lionheart, your post made me smile, sadly...

I too have done all the things you mention, and still, in various contexts, battle against those silly paranoid fears that lead me to do all sorts of things - post something and then log out and fear coming back, send an e-mail and then battle to open its reply, sometimes for hours or even days, reread something I have written over and over again in ever increasing fear of unnamed yet horrible consequences...

And I'm not only talking about this forum.

I'm much, much better with the forum than I was in the beginning, desensitised to some extent by the lack of negative backlash that has ever resulted from anything I've written here.

Still, cynical and mistrusting by nature, and also far too exposed, through my work, to the dangers that lurk on the Internet and in any place of public information sharing, I believe that others have given good advice about refraining from using identifying information wherever possible. And this isn't about being ashamed of our experiences or of who we are - it's not about denying what's happened to us or feeling as though we don't have the right to stand by our story or to tell it publically, it's just about simple safety and caution which applies to sharing identifying information on the Internet in any context whatsoever. They don't call it a world wide web for nothing, and unless absolutely necessary, my advice would be to refrain from posting personal or identifying information on the Net at all.

Safe is, as they say, so much better than sorry.

Maddog

 

[Lionheart]

Maddog,

Thanks for wording it so much better than I could have, I agree with you 100%!!!

LH

 

[Kintsugi]

And nothing is threatening about a bulbous panda (Anthony).

Just take care. This is a safe place for emotions, the dead past, everyday talk. Just not the real information about who you are!

 

[ClairBear226]

Nicci, the anxiety you re feeling is most likely a result of having "made yourself vulnerable" by reaching out. With PTSD we tend to block people out in an attempt to keep control, so no one can hurt us again. When we reach out, it scares us.

Posting here hasn't bothered me as much as you mentioned, but I've definitely felt like you've described, Nicci. I TOTALLY felt like I was going to flipping DIE when I first started therapy. I mean, come on, people PAY to do this? Wouldn't a pedicure and a massage be alot cheaper and loads more fun? It was the same reason Zipperhead mentioned. Vulnerability is SOOOO not my cup of tea. It's hard. Really hard. We've all been knocked down, and trusting that it won't happen again if we open up is a really tough pill to swallow. Being hypervigilant is part of the package. And it takes some getting used to. There's no reason for any of us to know anything so specific that you're anonimity is at risk, but there's lots to gain by taking small baby steps by unloading some of the crap. Just take alittle baby step at a time. And it gets easier, I swear (yes, Zip, I actually said that - shush! :p) .

 

[southernbelle]

nicci,
I'm new here too and I feel the same way. I hope I didn't make myself that easy to find. God forbid the person that triggered my PTSD finds these posts of mine or anyone I work with. Considering that this is also "normal" for PTSD I'm going to tough it out. Thanks for posting this! At least I'm not the only one!

 

[anthony]

Love the avatar SB...

 

[southernbelle]

Love the avatar SB...

Thank you! I thought it was quite fitting :)

 

[Schiaparel]

Certainly familiar to me, as I now realize that after I posted the first time and introduced myself I have been away for about a year because I got so freaked out. Well. Better late than never, I guess. A few years ago while in a bad, bad situation, I completely opened up anonymously on a forum ( not this one) and got sooo scared that a certain someone would find it and there'd be repercussions that I never went back and therefore I believe also missed on the support I am quite certain I would've gotten there and that might've made the situation then much easier and helped a lot. I do not want to make the same mistake again. Also while I'm not ashamed about my C-PTSD, I don't go around telling about it to just anyone, so I really, really understand.

Lots of love, hugs.