Relationship May Have Made Things Worst

[fac]

I have a special friend that I've known for two years that I suspect she has ptsd but she won't admit it .She has had childhood trauma and young adult trauma. but recently we were talking at least three times a day a since an arguement its down to nothing and its been almost two months. I lost my temper today and told her I would not text her anymore and that she was probably not reading them any way. Said some more things and now I'm worried

 

[sun seeker]

What would you like help with? We could probably answer this better if we had a better idea of what exactly is going on. In other words, what is the problem with the problem?

 

[anthony]

Having trauma does not mean PTSD. In fact, the majority who endure catastrophic trauma do not get PTSD. What leads you to PTSD vs. she is pissed off at you and not interested any longer? You are texting a person with no response for two months... you don't find that a little stalkerish behaviour?

 

[Seasounds]

My hunch is that she does not want to be involved. She may not deal with anger very well. There may be better mates for both of you. Many people withdraw from other people's anger. Other people cope fine with anger, and in fact, fire the anger right back.

Since it seems to fit the moment, I heard a little girl on a ferry today singing, "Let it go, let it go,..."

 

[fac]

I'm fine if she doesn't want to be friends anymore, but I have noticed some symptoms. Flashbacks, trouble sleeping needing alcohol to relax,thinking every whisper is about her. Etc. My texts were mostly for encouragement and to say I'm here for you, I said I would stop because I think she needs more space than I'm giving her and I wanted her to tell me. Not a stalking situation at all. Just don't want to make a friend worse

 

[fac]

My hunch is that she does not want to be involved. She may not deal with anger very well. There may be b...

Got up here because I thought I could have hurt a friend not for a smart ass remark like let it go.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think that if you don't want to make things worse, send one last text that says "I care about you and I'm truly sorry for upsetting you. I understand that you need space so I will give you space. You can message me if you want to talk again."------or something like that.

 

[fac]

I think that if you don't want to make things worse, send one last text that says "I care about y...

Thank you so much for this, so many others up here are such smart asses it makes you regret signing up

 

[Tinyflame]

I have noticed some symptoms. Flashbacks,

How would you notice that? You would be unable to know if she was having one?

 

[fac]

How would you notice that? You would be unable to know if she was having one?

she told me she was having trouble sleeping and flashbacks etc

 

[Tinyflame]

I did not even know the term flashback was how to describe what I was experiencing for decades.

My conclusion for that was I must be 'nuts'. I don't think anyone experiencing flashbacks could think they were sane.

it would be wise for her to get a shrink or T to help deciph what's going on.

 

[Sideways]

Thank you so much for this, so many others up here are such smart asses it makes you regret signing up

To be fair, the info in the OP was limited to: my friend had a traumatic childhood, I got angry at her, now she doesn't want to talk to me and I've been pushing her about that for 2 months.

Without further info, to me, that suggests that anyone with a traumatic childhood isn't allowed to exclude others from their lived even when the person they're trying to exclude wasn't very nice to them. Must be them and their issues, not me. The additional info changes that a lot, but the initial premise, from someone who had a traumatic childhood themself? If I decide to draw a boundary and not contact someone anymore, I expect that boundary to be respected - the fact I've had a traumatic childhood doesn't give others license to start stalking me, no matter how concerned they are. You know?

As for the situation now? I'd step back. I appreciate that your intentions are the best for your friend, but evidently she's indicating "Give me space". Maybe she's hurting, but she's an adult and entitled to have her boundaries respected. Pushing that, if it were me? Would make me run even further away.

Be there for her if she reaches out again. I think that's the best you can do.