Maybe I Should Just Wear A Sign Eh?

[Belle]

Shall I put a big sign around my neck, maybe it should say, 'well today I have PMT or I hit my head on the door and that is the reason I am not singing and dancing all day today?'
Or maybe it is just easier for you to say 'well she has PTSD therefore she can't make a rational decision ever again, we can't even talk to her as if she has a brain?'

Oh or maybe you can go to my line manager with your concerns cos you can't talk to me anymore because I am not a rational human being am I?

It is easier to think and say 'she is disagreeing with me or giving me a direction not because she is my line manager but because she had PTSD.' Oh and didn't she snap at me and slam stuff down too? Well she must have done because she has PTSD.

Why don't I just wear a T shirt or a sign or get it tattooed?

Oh my how innocent I was about mental health prejudice, I wouldn't have believed it if it wasn't slapping in the face everyday....

But I am not going to be bullied. Even when my boss insinuates that I should maybe give up my leadership role because maybe it is too much for me? Maybe it is too much for him to accommodate me? And he can't in one breath praise me for leading meetings so well and then try to suggest I can't manage when I suggest that maybe a person who triggers me could be moved from my team at least until I have completed CBT?

Because I am trying to move forward but I can't do it all alone and without a bit of slack. But I am not giving up because I have learnt something from this. I am worth it.

 

[Sabrina71]

You are very worth it! Keep up the fantastic work! :tup:

 

[Belle]

Thank you Sabrina :)

But I wish people would come and speak to me directly if they have a question instead of whispering and pulling my list of things that will help me instead of saying 'we can't do x, y and z'
I only asked for you to take turns in meetings, write things in the diary or on paper because I can't hold stuff in my head and understand if I need a minute to ground myself. And if I need a lunch break to get about from the scene of my truama then i don't think that is too much to ask!!

 

[Sabrina71]

It is not too much to ask at all! I actually went to work every day with my rapist for years. Sometimes just a few moments to collect yourself, or your thoughts make all the difference in the world. I know there were times when I just could NOT make myself go to work due to panic attacks and my bosses told me that "sometimes we just have to make ourselves go to work even when we don't feel our best." I knew at that point, I was on my own. They have no comprehension and what is worse than that, they refuse to educate themselves. Hugs to you Belle. You will be in my prayers and let me know if I can help you in any way.

 

[Belle]

(((((Sabrina))))) Oh that is awful, I can't believe someone said that to you, I have certainly found out who my true friends are.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I so like your energy and determination in the face of it all Belle. Don't let them get you down.

 

[Middle of Nowhere]

Belle
If I could like your post twice I would. Amen Buddy and keep standing up for you.

 

[Belle]

Thank you for your positive comments they mean so much :)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

WoW!

Actually, I'm quite proud of you for being able to work in such an environment.

Just think...IF you had a physical disability there would be less discrimination in that everyone is aware of the ADA in which accomodations must be made for those with disabilities. But PTSD is just as much a disability that requires accommodation.

Thanks for the eye opener. I'm not working ATM but I know what it feels like to have EVERYTHING blamed on my PTSD rather than a "symptom" simply being something that has nothing to do with PTSD. (yes, this happened at the hands of overly zealous therapists who instead of realizing that I simply misunderstood something, insisted that I was dissociating). But I digress...

Anyway, lots of (((((hugs))))) coming your way.

(Again, I'm proud of you!!)

 

[Belle]

((((((SOL)))))) Thanks so much. I have to hang on in there because I really love my job (well apart from some ignorant ppl) but it is like a dark cloud is over me (and vultures are circling) and feels like wading through treacle. But I just have to rise above it and be strong and keep fighting :)