Sufferer Me And Her

[Iusedtosing]

I was diagnosed with DID in 2012 and have had three long spells in hospital since. I suppose the crux of the matter is that when I disassociate I have an element of memory loss so it's very difficult to work out what happened as I have no recall of the events. After my last episode I was left with a stutter (I have never stuttered before) and severe and sudden weight loss even though I was eating normally. I wondered if anyone else has had these events ?

 

[shimmerz]

Did they put you on new meds?

 

[zeckster81]

Not a stutter, but a southern accent for a few months.

 

[Iusedtosing]

Thank you for the replies....yes they are continually changing my meds...the 'withdrawals ' is almost harder than the illness at times .... my accent hasn't changed and my speech came back after around six months although I still stammer when anxious. Another question is that when I am told about the dreadful self harm I have apparently inflicted I cannot find any emotion to attach to it as I have absolutely no recall ? I want to be sad and sorry but it's as though someone I don't know from Adam has done it and I feel sorry for them recaps but nothing else ...I feel very alone and sad at all this

 

[joeylittle]

I want to be sad and sorry but it's as though someone I don't know from Adam has done it and I feel sorry for them recaps but nothing else

It's OK. Emotions are really tricky things, and most important is that you not judge yourself for being where you're at. I'm often surprised by how I just don't have negative thoughts or feelings attached to some really tough stuff I've been through - and then, sometimes, they just bubble up. Try and be gentle with yourself, and welcome.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Welcome to the forums! If I understood right, you forgot a lot of stuff that happened to you while you were dissociating, about same with me, I dissociated a lot and there are very few memories I managed to recover that were from that state, a total of two short ones, one actually just a bit of memory after dissociation part of it stopped, and the other is 1-2 seconds of dissociated thing and the rest is normal state, so yes, really hard to figure out what happened for quite a lot of stuff. I also suffer day to day memory loss, and everything beforw today is a mush, I don't know what happened first and so on.

As said before, emotions are really tricky, and when you got plenty, you wish you had none, and when you are empty, depressed, you wish for anything at all, thats how I and many others here are. When overwhelmed by emotions I self harm to numb them out, when emotionless I self harm to feel anything :(

Well, welcome to forums and hugs!