Me and sex - advice needed (inspired by sex and ptsd thread)

[Anana]

@Simply Simon , I'm impressed. It sounds as you really feel very well what is going on with me.
Yes, some time i realised it was for inducing dissociation.
Yes, just recently I discovered a new great way for "keeping in touch" with myself(though it causes hmmm.??additional challenges because it became like obsession and uncontrollably a lot.)
"Carting before horsing" that was completely right saying. Just yesterday all of a sudden It happened. Sex. And it was very different. I didn't have no dissociation nor thoughts to escape but gosh all the time i was wondering what actually is going on my head and in reality.
But I have one failure: I again almost lost the unity of three me. And again I have a lot of contradictions in desires. So to be continued....

 

[Anana]

Proceeding with my new life and therapy. Sex has become not so emotional issue...and it is upsetting because it had to be smth very special.... But as for therspy issues we found out I have some fears in sex. I can't explain them cognitively but i have lots of emotions when I see eyes too close in front of me and try to escape. I definitely can say what I'm afraid of but I have no idea why I have these fears...and that is even worse I guess...not to know what actually might have happened to you.. it is not anymore about trust .that is physical feelings in body.

 

[Anana]

EMDR has brought the first results. I had believed there is another explanation of my unexplainable feelings in body but no. I came back to that age, forgotten names appeared, pictures seen.
My state became worse. All work done seem to have disappeared. My reactions to everything is abnormal.

 

[Anana]

Proceeding with the therapy. It works well. It seems as a big portion of mess has been finally integrated properly in my mind. Free as never before)) I will surely describe the full process one day. There is a big hope I'll be normal)