Relationship Meaning Behind Sufferer's Texts?

[caligirl03]

PTSD and my sufferer's refusal to get consistent help for it ended up ruining us. I called things off even though I really didn't want to and still love him. He didn't want it to end either and said he would go get help. I told him that while I really wanted to believe him, I'd heard that before with no real follow through, and we went completely no contact for a month.

About a week ago, I was out running errands when I got a text from him saying he'd just seen me on the road, which was so random since we live about 30 minutes apart in a large city where it would be highly unlikely to cross paths for any reason. After I recovered from the initial shock, I waited a few hours then texted back saying that yes, I had in fact been on that road during that time and how random, etc. He ended the convo by saying he was glad to see that I was still "alive and whatnot", to which I just replied "ha thanks, you too". The next day as I was getting ready, I had a morning show on in the background in which a Kevin Costner movie was a trivia question. They were playing the theme song, and I thought, "Where have I heard this song before?" Long story short, my ex and I have an inside joke about that same movie since we made out to it the entire time while the DVD was on the menu option just replaying the same song over and over. It was so amusing to me- and again so random!- so I shared it with him. He replied "Nice!!" then hours later added that it was one of the few movies he kept from his DVD collection due to the "good times" that were had during it. Then he sent me a cute animal video of a baby otter (he always used to call me his little otter) as a "gift". Since then, I've reached out a couple more times about random or funny things to which he's usually replied within minutes with the exception of once, but he himself hasn't initiated any more contact other than the initital text.

Based on those texts and our background, could he possibly miss me, or is he just being polite? Why even reach out in the first place? And why not continue the conversation now that his foot's in the door, and the opportunity is there? Any meaningful thoughts or words of insight are welcome. Thanks for reading!

 

[Deleted member 37474]

You left him because he wouldn't get consistent help for ptsd. That doesn't mean that you don't love him and him you. Until you know that he is getting help, it is probably best to not concern yourself with whether he still loves you or not. This is about avoiding a lot of heart ache and possible danger until he gets help. Once he has help and his therapist says he is ready, if you were meant to be it will probably happen. Just be strong!

 

[Justmehere]

It probably took a lot for him to initiate contact again. He probably is genuinely glad you are alive and well. Since he didn't break up with you, he may indeed miss you.

If you want to know what his imitating contact via text means in terms of what kind of relationship he is seeking to have with you, how he feels towards you, or if it is politeness/friendliness or he is seeking something more, then I'd suggest not trying to guess or mind read via text (we all do that to some degree) but actually asking him. Preferably over the phone so you can hear his voice. (They say 80 percent of communication is non-verbal.) Text is great for lighthearted matters and logistics. It's not so great for deep emotional or relationship discussions or inferring what a person might really be feeling. If not over the phone, then at least ask on text instead of guessing.

As for why he doesn't initate more, there are so many possible reasons. He may simply be following your lead since you broke it off. He may stink at initiating contact. He may be confused himself about why his ex-girlfriend who broke up with him is continuing to reach out to him on a regular basis and be wondering himself how you feel towards him.

You may need to think through and define for him what are your goals with initiating contact with him. Is it being friendly or hoping for something more? Do you want to be friends or be in a relationship again? Questions he may be asking himself right now.

Or not. Only he knows.

 

[Linzee]

I think I can sum this up in one word, 'BOUNDARIES'. I basically agree with what the others have said. You set out the goal posts and now you're moving them. I get that you're both keen to check in with each other and reconnect but by being the strong one to initially say "no, this isn't working, you need to go to therapy or we can't continue" (or words to that affect...) you laid out your boundary which was good, although I don't really like ultimatums.

By engaging in friendly communication back and forth, you kinda throw all that outta the window, boundaries are crossed and the vicious circle starts up all over again.

Be clear and show him that you really want him to focus on getting better for himself. Friendly flirting is light relief for him from all the chaos, that will only leave you confused and heartbroken.

 

[talon]

PTSD and my sufferer's refusal to get consistent help for it ended up ruining us. I called things of...

you have to ask yourself is this a relationship and if it's us or you and me situation. It's important . It doesn't appear to me that there is a spark there and you certainly don't want to be a habit where he just feels obligated to reply for old times sake. Life is a lot shorter than we think time you started living it with someone who is tormenting your emotions as a caring person

 

[caligirl03]

Thank you all for your insight. Yes, I suppose I search for meaning in everything, especially since I get so little in the way of cues verbal or otherwise as to what the heck is going on with him. Perhaps I'm assigning meaning to where there ultimately isn't much. And yes, I intellectually understand the end result will continue to be the same unless he takes the necessary steps towards healing. I just wish I knew whether he still cares at all. We were also childhood friends that grew up together before we ever dated so that's an additional loss I'm mourning.