Sufferer Medical Trauma/Told I deserved it.

[OliveJewel]

have recordings, they are truths

To be clear, I explicitly believe you that you were abused whether you have recordings or not. The distortion is thinking that you have nowhere to go because the abuse happened from a doctor. “Nowhere to go” has many meanings. This is where a professional can help you do the work to challenge this belief.

There are people here on the forum and elsewhere in the world who were abused by all kinds of people in authority: police, military, teachers, clergy, and, like you, doctors and therapists. And many were told by their abusers they would never be believed, helped, etc. The work is facing that, grieving it, processing it. And this forum can be a great place to do that.

 

[MPH]

This is multiple cognitive distortions wrapped up in one. Very common to feel that your personal trauma is beyond help or repair. People sexually abused as babies by their parents, people trafficked as children and brainwashed to commit violent crimes, people abandoned by their parents and abused by predators—these are example of abuses where people repeatedly feel like they have nowhere to go. Not saying these are worse than your experience but that people understand feeling like they have nowhere to go based on their abuse history. There are many threads about just that here on the forum.

It is also very common to feel that you can predict the future by saying things like, “No one will ever listen, I will die soon and alone, my life is over because of the abuse.” Again there are many threads here about that.

Those are just symptoms. Feelings and thoughts are not truths, even if they feel like it. But I don’t think I could convince you of that. You are right to be angry. Understandable to most on here. But like Sideways said, what would you like from this forum? What do you need people here to do for you? Because if you share that then people can see if it’s something they are able to do.

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Everyone can be bullied. They know it is bad. They know it is in their workplace. They know it should stop.

 

[Starfire]

I have recorded much of what I am about to say. So this is quite serious and worse yet ongoing.

The following was told to me.

When my heart stopped twice: A Doctor told me I was not helped on purpose.
Told to go kill myself.
Told Doctors listen to other Doctors and don’t listen to their patients.
Told no one cares about you.
Told given prednsione induced diabetes 9.4 A1C, heart failure and kidney failure on purpose.
Told I deserved it way too many times.
Told by ethics: Doctors are screwing with me.
Told many times a certain Doctor is mad at you.
Doctor who harmed me, you can’t sue me.
Told by Doctor to stop going to Doctors.
Told by mental Doctor, I was lied to dating back to 2011. That a certain Doctor is mad at me.
Told by mental health provider they never heard of Such a thing in their 30 years in the medical field. They also knew it to be truthful.

Threatened multiple times as well.

Unless you say your Doctor did not understand mental health disease, you should fear what more Doctors could do to you.
Told unless you admit to the disease Doctors were screwing with me, you will never know what is wrong with you.

Many life threatening asthma events. Not helped with For 13 years running now. Found asthma on insurance papers, what Doctors are getting paid for.
Many things physically wrong with me. New things related to asthma or prednsione use.

PTSD diagnosed in 2018, not told. Told to seek care elsewhere with no diagnosis. New Doctor was going to send me to outpatient clinic with no diagnosis.
Received diagnosis in 2022, then found old diagnosis in my medical records. I have received no help.

Told by trauma specialist, the chances of getting someone to help with be next to nil. Due to how I received the trauma. This provider was going to help me forward by having me say I wanted the disease Doctors were screwing me with.

So I have on purpose I was harmed. I have fraud. Abuse. Both Mental and Physical. I continue to get gaslighted. I told a counselor in a state who could not help me, she said if you are getting abused by mental health people, that is serious. I am.

There is zero path forward in life. At least none I can see.

Have PTSD and depression.

Psychosis Was ruled out.​

Which means they know I am being truthful.

At this point, if I die it is not because of suicide. It is because of abuse. I have tried for 13 years to get proper medical care. But one mad Doctor (angry over something unethical) is controlling my care long after I left her behind.

Why angry Doctor? What she told me and another Doctor said it too. I talked about another Doctor and some Doctors don’t like that. Doctor then said, she no longer uses the Doctor I complained about because of all the complaints. Bad timing, I must have been the first.

Totally understand. That's why I don't tell my medical doctor of my psych dx. Even pay my psych Doc out of pocket, a real pain in my wallet, so insurance doesn't know and can't spread the info. Was recently unexpectedly hospitalized for a serious infection, my psych doc came to visit and offered a session to deal with it. an overlap.
Do know there are attorneys who specialize in mental health issues. Whatever. I hope things straighten out enough for you to get some real help.
Please keep us apprised of what's going on with you, MPH.

 

[MPH]

To be clear, I explicitly believe you that you were abused whether you have recordings or not. The distortion is thinking that you have nowhere to go because the abuse happened from a doctor. “Nowhere to go” has many meanings. This is where a professional can help you do the work to challenge this belief.

There are people here on the forum and elsewhere in the world who were abused by all kinds of people in authority: police, military, teachers, clergy, and, like you, doctors and therapists. And many were told by their abusers they would never be believed, helped, etc. The work is facing that, grieving it, processing it. And this forum can be a great place to do that.

After 13 years. Multiple providers telling who is my Abuser. When it started. What was the abuse preformed. Multiple times being told I deserved it, that is multiple life threatening events. Multiple damaged body parts. Mental issues known from abuse.

Multiple states. 7 states including DC where harm has taken place.

I mean how can so many do nothing to stop it? Knowing the extreme harm it is causing.

What was the final idea they came up with?

I must admit I wanted to be abused.

Sorry if this is a trigger, I mean it. I told one mental health trauma specialist. Is that how you treat a rape or assault victim? They must admit they wanted the abuse before you will help them? Because that is exactly what your asking me to do. It is massively triggering me. It is trauma on top of trauma.

No, I don’t deserve it. No one does.

I thank you in advance for any help that is available.

As my wife says over and over. I am a good person Who had something very bad happen to them. I am at a total loss on any path forward, 13 years of abuse. Ongoing.

 

[Jade-]

If I was allowed to post pictures I could show you what is being told to me and what insurance said. They are different diseases.

It's pretty common for providers to use codes that best ensure payment. While it may not always seem right or ethical,it doesn't really bother me if that means it's less I have to pay out of pocket or it means a prescription will be covered.

 

[MPH]

Totally understand. That's why I don't tell my medical doctor of my psych dx. Even pay my psych Doc out of pocket, a real pain in my wallet, so insurance doesn't know and can't spread the info. Was recently unexpectedly hospitalized for a serious infection, my psych doc came to visit and offered a session to deal with it. an overlap.
Do know there are attorneys who specialize in mental health issues. Whatever. I hope things straighten out enough for you to get some real help.
Please keep us apprised of what's going on with you, MPH.

Starfire, I tried to do exactly this. I will explain In detail.

I went to a trauma specialist. One who does EMDR, which I was told to find. First appointment I told him what was going on. He told me he knows nothing of physical problems I may have. So he can’t comment on it.

Next appointment, he starts out the appointment explaining exactly what the Doctors are doing in detail. I gave him NOTHING to talk with anyone. So he goes on and on. This is when they were telling me I was a female with COPD. Taking me off the drug for asthma that worked, to COPD drugs that already have been proven to not work. To a drug that says, not for asthma.

How does he get such detailed information of coordinated abuse?

I will tell you how bad my personal records get handed around. Patient advocate UNC sent records to a Doctor in Virginia who was NOT my Doctor. I have proof, an email. He told me exactly what he did. I did NOT tell him too. I have emails to that as well. Those records did show up in Virginia as I checked. Patient advocate violating basic patient rights: privacy. Not kidding. By the way, the records he sent were bogus records To boot.

 

[MPH]

It's pretty common for providers to use codes that best ensure payment. While it may not always seem right or ethical,it doesn't really bother me if that means it's less I have to pay out of pocket or it means a prescription will be covered.

As the health coach from my medicare insurance company said. Doctors have been lying to you. I received a letter from the Vice President of the insurance company about asthma. Long detailed letter.

That insurance company sent a provider to my home. Went over my medical issues. I have a paper to that. It states asthma. Life threatening asthma.

 

[OliveJewel]

Recognize it harms everyone

How am I not recognizing it when I said

I explicitly believe you that you were abused

 

[MPH]

How am I not recognizing it when I said

It was not about you. It was posted because the AMA knows the American Medical system is broken. I have had discussions with a National Ethics board member. Email and phone. The discussion I had is about the broken system. That person can do something and should about it.

I told her I have recordings. She was told I am a liar. She was surprised when I told her, I recorded it all. I sent an email to her. Phones and some places of recordings. To prove one thing, I am no liar.

I have proof of the broken system. I have told them, there is nothing being done to stop the abuse. Nor will there. So I said, do you want the recordings when I perish. The least you could do is help future patients as you have forsaken me.

 

[whiteraven]

Patient advocate UNC sent records to a Doctor in Virginia who was NOT my Doctor.

Same thing happened to me, twice.

I have proof of the broken system.

You are right in saying the system is completely broken. Many people just accept it and move on. Not enough people speak up about how abusive, unethical, and damaging the system is.

My primary trauma over the last 40 years has been medical care/lack of care. I was a nurse, and I have many medical issues that are either not treated or improperly treated. So I do understand.

I don't think anyone here disbelieves you. We are about sharing, then learning ways to manage our reactions to our traumas.

What sort of help would you like to see from this forum?

 

[OliveJewel]

It was not about you. It was posted because the AMA knows

Ok. Not to derail the thread, but for future reference, if you quote someone—especially if you quote their whole post like you did with mine—then people will usually think you are responding to them.

 

[MPH]

Same thing happened to me, twice.

You are right in saying the system is completely broken. Many people just accept it and move on. Not enough people speak up about how abusive, unethical, and damaging the system is.

My primary trauma over the last 40 years has been medical care/lack of care. I was a nurse, and I have many medical issues that are either not treated or improperly treated. So I do understand.

I don't think anyone here disbelieves you. We are about sharing, then learning ways to manage our reactions to our traumas.

What sort of help would you like to see from this forum?

I say again, my hope is somehow I find someone who wants to go forward. Then maybe I find help here on healing going forward.