Medication -

[Jimmy1]

Mate, there is one person I have to thank for meeting Margaret. Nicolette, Anthony's wife. I wrote to her in a message one day as I could not attract anyone decent into my life.
Nicolette told me to concentrate on myself and make myself a nice person and then the right person would come along. So, I concentrated on me. gave up smoking, went to the gym no matter how much I hurt and abrakadabra look who turned up.

The hardest thing Sarg is finding that one thing to concentrate on. That one thing to keep you going, and learning to like yourself regardless. You have to turn all the guilt into regret.

Good luck mate.

 

[Fargo1]

The nice thing about 'shrooms and MJ is that they are au-natural. Although I have not done them in 20+ years myself (as I was fighting the "Drug War") I remember the feeling after LSD vs 'shrooms and it was night and day. LSD left me with a horrible 'chemical' feeling afterwards. But the bottom line is that they are drugs, same as any other. If used in the proper context, they can be hugely helpful. It just seems...well, criminal that with the proven benefits of MJ in pain reduction, eating disorders, etc. that it remains off limits. Especially when there are other 'prescription' drugs that are so much worse for you. It just boggles the mind.

Sarg,
Man I gotta tell you that you are a hero to me. You have gone through this shit for so long, but you are still here. Battered, bruised, f*cked three ways from sideways. But you are still here brother.

Hopefully this won't come across 'wrong' but I think you could also think about this. Your dog, your best buddy, he will go when his time is called. But you will still be around. You will not be able to replace him, but what about getting another fuzzy friend? There are plenty of dogs down at the pound. Old mangy mongrels (just like you) who need a buddy. As my therapist has kept saying to me (about my dead buddies) "If they could be sitting right here, what do you think they would say to you about what you are going through?" My answer is this, "They would tell me to put this shit aside and get back to being a happy, healthy guy." So the question I ask you is this, "What would your fuzzy buddy say to you after he is gone?"

Just a thought as I sit here wallowing in my own shit for a while.

Fargo

 

[Sarg]

WOW! Thanks for the kind words Fargo! A close friend of mine called my wife and I "consumate existentialists". We'd get knocked down, we'd get up and start the fight all over. I have no idea where it comes from; I'm an ordinary man, ordinary intelligence and definitely not a hero.

When you said, "What would your fuzzy buddy say to you after he is gone?", that hit home hard. Hadn't thought of it that way. The game plan I'm trying to sear into my psyche is, travel some, go fly fishing in Oregon and Idaho, fly back and see my brother, ect. until I get tired of traveling and then most probably adopt a furry buddie from the "no kill" shelter down the road.

An older dog, one that has made a trip or two through hell like me and treat him better than he's ever been treated.

That's the plan. Now if I can only summon the strength to follow through with it.

Sarg

 

[abnvet]

Good read. I've tried several types of meds through the years and right now am not on anything. Actually just had a conversation with my shrink about this as he wants me to try another. I'm just not in the right frame to start another for now.

 

[Jimmy1]

I have just been dissecting the medications I have been on over the last four years. I have only just read into them properly and was amazed. I have listed some of the side effects.

Zoloft - SSRI, Antidepressant. Major side effects, very stiff or rigid muscles, I see a physio every week and my hamstrings are like rocks.
Minor side effects - Insomnia, weight gain, low sex drive (Just those alone are depressing)

Epilim - Anti-psychotic. Used to control mood disorders and in high doses treatment for epilepsy.
Side effects - Changes in weight, depression.

Avanza - Antidepressant - Side effects - Increase in appetite, weight gain, nightmares and vivid dreams. Can have insomnia and anxiety.

And they wonder why we are f*cked up.

I watch my diet religiously (poor choice of words there), my portions are correct. I don't drink soft drink, I don't eat junk food and I exercise 5 days a week and have struggled with my weight for years.

I started my new medication yesterday. I will let you know if I notice any changes.

Valdoxan.

This is straight from the website.

Most side effects are mild or moderate. They usually occur within the first two weeks of the treatment and are usually temporary.
The frequency of possible side effects listed below is defined using the following system:
• very common (affects more than 1 user in 10)
• common (affects 1 to 10 users in 100)
• uncommon (affects 1 to 10 users in 1,000)
• rare (affects 1 to 10 users in 10,000)
• very rare (affects less than 1 user in 10,000)
• not known (frequency cannot be estimated from the available data)
These side effects include:
- Common side effects: dizziness, sleepiness (somnolence), difficulty in sleeping (insomnia), migraine, headache, feeling sick (nausea), diarrhoea, constipation, upper abdominal pain, excessive sweating (hyperhidrosis), back pain, tiredness, anxiety, increased levels of liver enzymes in your blood.
- Uncommon side effects: pins and needles in the fingers and toes (paraesthesia), blurred vision and eczema.
- Rare side effects: serious skin eruption (erythematous rash), hepatitis.
- Other possible side effects: suicidal thoughts or behaviour (frequency not known).

I suppose they have to cover everything. So far, there have been no major problems with the patients my psych has prescribed too. The one constant is that all people report being able to sleep through the night. That in itself is a winner in my book.

 

[deborah l. boylan]

Jimmy, thanks for the info. I hope that this medication works well for you. It sounds promising. I got some good news yesterday. Looks like the regional jag (judge advocate general) office has recommended that the Navy let me retire as requested. Apparently someone finally looked at my file and realized that it wouldn't look too good in the court of public opinion for the Navy to kick out a 48 y/o mother of 4, grandmother of 1 with combat PTSD and Major Depression whose weight problem didn't begin until she was placed on an SSRI. Hopefully the powers that be in Washington agree with the regional office. My JAG is optomistic but we're ready if things don't go the way that we want.
More good news. My doc changed my sleeping med and I have now slept the last two nights without any problems. Wow, what a difference a little quality sleep can make! Today I feel good and I'm going to ride the wave until it crashes. I know that it will but hopefully I'll be better able to handle it when it does. The beast is never far away but for now I've got the upper hand, at least in this moment.
Looking forward to hearing how this new med works for you Jimmy. Please keep us informed. If it works well, we'll all be lining up at the local VA demanding Valdoxan. Hugs to all.
Deb

 

[Wagon]

Hey thats great news Deb. A nice turn for the better for a change. You'll probably get out as you want no worries now. I doubt if the muck mucks in Washington will go against the region unless it's a major policy issue. Which it's not.

And happy sleeping. I envy that.

Wagon.

 

[Jimmy1]

I am starting to think this medication might not be good for me. My sleep, even though I have been talking about it is getting worse and worse. My skin feels like is crawling and its 3 am. Everything is getting to me, or could it be just therapy yesterday.

I just want a break from all this.

 

[Ned]

How long you been on it mate? Was it a straight switch from the previous? Could it be the fault of the previous (withdrawal) rather than the current?
I don't know f*ck-all about it just guessing, but it hasn't been that long yet, has it?

 

[Jimmy1]

Its an add on. You don't have to go off one and on to the other, but me being the impatient prick who thought he knew it all tried going off the SSRI before getting head shrink orders. My own stupid f*cking fault, now I have to gradually build up the dose again until I can see how it goes.

 

[Ned]

Righto, see what you're saying. It's bollocks sometimes, isn't it. I'm continually fettling balances and tactics to get a better outcome, impatience is always there and very probably is screwing up the results.
Good luck mate and slowly slowly.........

 

[abnvet]

Follow-Up:

Just returned from another counseling session - and again - he is suggesting that I try another medication. After this time, I submit and try to make an appointment with the drugdoctor. She isn't available at the time and the secretary gives me a phone number to call to schedule an appointment with her.

I've been attending counseling via the VetCenter and because the main office is in Ft. Worth, the counselor travels to my neck of the woods - Denton - to use the offices of the local VA outpatient clinic. I've been attending these sessions via a combination of the VetCenter and VA resources. This has been good because the actual VA in Dallas scares the shit out of me. Now not much does this - I've jumped from perfectly good airplanes now. But shit, the Dallas VA.....Well I live closer to Denton and there they have an outpatient clinic and I bear this as it resembles any old urgent care facility. The only thing is this VetCenter counselor can't prescribe meds, he can recommend and he does continuously and then I must make a mental health appointment to see the drugdoctor.

Its not that I'm against medication. I've tried several and stopped several - "acting as my own doctor and guide". I've seen what meds have done to my own mother (she carrys a gym bag full of meds when she travels) and then again I've seen the good (my wife takes meds to fight the re occurrence of breast cancer. She was diagnosed in 2008 and is doing well)

So then WTF is wrong with me??? I know I need to be back on meds but can't pull the trigger.......