General Memory Loss Or Disassociation Or Just Denial?

[Sweetpea76]

If he would happen to have TBI, it can exacerbate PTSD symptoms. If he hasn't been evaluated for TBI, he may want to get checked out.

 

[BlueOrange]

The intense horror that I felt about violent and/or intimidating behaviour on my part has activated a number of symptoms in me; one of those symptoms is dissociation. (I don't think I've dissociated from anything in quite some time. But I'm careful to avoid being certain about that, because that kind of certainty closes the mind, which leads to dissociation, at least in my case.) I was completely unable to make any progress until I learned to have conversations about things I didn't remember, and to trust what I was being told about myself. It seems like that first step is in place.

'Minimising' behaviour (downplaying things, or the impact of things) is tricky. On the one hand, it might limit the amount of improvement that a person aims for, which is definitely not ideal. On the other hand, if minimising something means that it can fit into your conscious mind, then it beats total dissociation of the completely unbearable.

I wish I could give you some really good advice. I'm completely convinced that you've described a really difficult situation. Take care of yourself.

 

[Left Behind Spouse]

My husband left in April due to PTSD stress cup. He is undiagnosed and so far in denial.

He's forgotten both things he's said to me while being a monster and also kind statements. I've also been trying to keep him abreast of kids' stuff via gmail calendar reminders, and have had to resend them over and over..

He's a workaholic and travels the world doing pretty important work so I'm not sure how he's handling that.

What is TBI?

 

[Sweetpea76]

TBI is Traumatic Brain Injury. They are usually categorized mild, moderate or severe (from concussions to major blows to the head and penetrating injuries). A lot of Vets are coming home with them, then having to learn to deal with the symptoms. It just depends on the severity and number of TBIs, and the part of the brain injured. For instance, my Vet has some cognitive issues and memory loss at times. He will forget what he is saying in the middle of a sentence, or can't remember the word he wants to use. Sometimes he will hop from topic to random topic during conversations because that is just the way his brain is firing that day. Sometimes he has trouble concentrating, headaches and light sensitivity. He actually had three documented TBIs, two mild within a week of each other, and one moderate at a later time. He is supposed to get some cognitive therapy from the VA at some point in time.

TBI and PTSD exacerbate each other's symptoms, so it is not a fun combination.

 

[Sighs]

@Sweetpea76 - is the treatment different? Just wondering whether its worth pushing my vet to be assessed for a TBI. As I said, I know of several incidents of head trauma, but he has no documented TBI. What would the assessment entail? And what difference would it make to managing symptoms?

 

[Sweetpea76]

I don't think there is much treatment for mild TBI, besides rest and monitoring. The more severe TBIs may need more medical intervention at the time of the injury. After the immediate injury, I think a lot of the treatment is just rehab and therapy.

I'm not sure of the exact VA process for evaluating TBIs. My Vet was assessed before we started dating, so I'm not familiar with the process as a supporter. I have just had to get familiar with the symptoms and learn how he manages them, and research how it affects his PTSD symptoms. TBIs can effect mood, so its a little like tossing gasoline on a fire at times.

Here is a good basic link about TBI. http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/traumatic-brain-injury/basics/definition/con-20029302

 

[Sighs]

Finally got to talk to a professional about this. She said he is disassociating and he probably has no memory or at best a hazy confused memory of the outburst. No wonder he often says "Are you mad at me? What have I done now?"

Although he doesn't actually have DID I have found it very helpful to think of it that way. So instead of being confused as to whether he loves me I am realising that HE does love me. His PTSD alter hates everyone. No point being upset with HIM, when HE wasn't even there. This may not make sense to anyone else but I have found it a real breakthrough in my thinking about our relationship.

 

[Wastinglight]

I have set the boundary on physical violence due to my needs, not his ability to comply. My understanding of boundaries is that you set them for YOU not for others - after all YOU are the only person you can control. So the boundary is not "you must not hit me otherwise I will leave" the boundary is "if he hits me I must leave". Does that make sense?

Makes perfect sense. That's such a healthy way of viewing it.

Sticks and stones and all that rot is emotionally draining, no matter what you attribute the cause to. For all of you in verbally tumultuous relationships, with or without PTSD, the damage can be just as great as with physical violence

I completely agree with this. After I finally broke up with my ex, I did a bit of therapy then thought I was fine. It wasn't until I entered my current relationship that I realised how warped some of my beliefs about love and relationships were. It happens without you realising it. It's made things all the harder with my current love. As if we don't have enough challenges...

I understand that these sufferers are not necessarily bad people, but without some help at least for yourself, you may end up feeling crushed with time. No matter how well you steel yourselves, it can take its toll.

That sums it up perfectly. My ex's behaviour actually improved somehow after the accident, despite the fact that he acquired PTSD from it. Strangely, he became a nicer person afterwards (my T says that severe head injuries can result in unexpected changes to a person's behaviour), but it wasn't enough. The damage was already done, and I had to leave in the end.

I hope that doesn't sound like I'm saying you should leave. But I do think it is worth doing everything you can to work together with your partner to find workable strategies to address this issue. Keep trying til you find a solution that works for you. Don't just let it slide. Otherwise you may find that your resentment of his treatment of you eats away at you til one day you wake up and the love is gone. Not saying that'll happen to you - but it is what happened to me. And to think there was a time that I thought I would never fall out of love with my ex. It took a decade and a half, but it did happen.

Just my two cents based on my own experience. Sorry, I know you were asking more about his symptoms, but hope it helps in some small way anyway. Look after yourself :hug:

 

[Sighs]

Mmm - so... Last night he finally admitted to losing time and having no memory of events when he is upset. He is seeing his psychiatrist today and I urged him to tell the doc. He was worried he has dementia. I told him that its far more likely his PTSD. He didn't know that dissociation was a symptom of PTSD! But he agreed that in combat being able to compartmentalise and shut off from things is vital. He says he will talk to the doc about it, but I'm not sure he will. Anyway, at least he and I are talking about it openly now.