Mental Tricks For Dealing With Difficult People

[Angela Corgan]

PS I moved! :)

 

[angel2write]

Well... this isn't probably going to win a gold star as a "healthy coping method" (lol) but I often imagine murdering the people who are being mean to me in really creative ways. They are going on and on with ugly, abusive language that I can't (for whatever reason...in line, on public transport, stuck behind counter at job) avoid. So I imagine driving a rail road spike through their temple. Or gutting them with a ball point pen. How hard would you have to strike to eviscerate someone with a pen? Hmmmm....

They're, like, "Are you listening to me, b$%^&???" and I'm thinking, chopsticks through the ears and you'd never be a bully again... happy thought.

 

[aut555]

Well... this isn't probably going to win a gold star as a "healthy coping method" (lol) but I often...

Write a scary movie or book, looks like you gotta it going on there. I think l heard to imagine people naked, because face it, you would just be laughing at them.

 

[Gadgie]

Yea! I remember using that technique when I went for a job interview, there was one bloke there who was really giving me hard time.

I imagined him sitting there starkers, and I burst out laughing, never did get that job, which didn't really bother me, as that bloke would have been my boss, and I'm choosy when it comes to who I allow to boss me about.

 

[Friday]

and not having meltdowns when boundaries are crossed.

Just wanted to come back and hit this piece...

Have you looked at what your boundaries are? If the consequences you're laying down for crossing your boundaries aren't things you actually "want" &/or are able to do? That can cause freak-outs as well.

2 very different examples:

A long time ago I learned to never make threats I'm not willing to carry out. In the beginning of changing what I threatened people with (hyperbole to actuality) people got kind of a kick out of my "inventive and ridiculous" threats. Like, psssh. You wouldn't actually do that! :roflmao: ...Nope. Actually. I would. (Dude. She will.) Which is why I laid it out there. I'm not going to threaten to kill you, I will however threaten to wax your armpit, shave your head while you sleep, duct tape you to the propeller.

When making boundaries, my gut impulse is black and white responses / unilateral action. The problem therein lies with the fact that I either don't want to enforce those consequences -or- am far far far too willing to enforce those consequences. Like leaving. It either becomes a shite boundary, because I'm not actually willing to leave, or I end up losing important relationships over bullshit, because the first time something goes wrong? I'm out! Learning to gradient my responses? Has taken a long time. But toning down my all or nothing response into some thing I'm willing to do that's also not final but ad quod damnum? Has made negotiating complicated relationships a LOT simpler. So, yep. I am totally willing to "take my ball & go home" (even at the middle of thanksgiving dinner with my family, cross me, and TheKiddo and I are going home) not a permanently "we are done" but a temporary I am not going to deal with you anymore today / am leaving *today* (not forever), or "if you do X, I will throw and unholy fit". Or whatever. Things I'm willing to do. Without taking things further than I want them to go.

 

[aut555]

I think anytime you feel uncomfortable, a boundary has been crossed over, so you immediately have to identify why you feel uncomfortable, then you have to decide if, and how you will react to it. That's the best way to gauge your comfort level in any situation.

 

[I_will_recover]

Me: Don't. I just need you to respect my boundaries. "

Oh yeah. This is going in my repertoire for my mom. Thank you!

 

[Freedomfighter]

I'm wondering what sort of mental tricks people use in order to deal with difficult people.

I a...

I can relate, I absolutely hate people that cross mental and physical boundaries.

We should not have to be the ones that have to go out of our way in order to escape from such dysfunctional people. We should not have to be the ones that have to accommodate our lives in order to escape the bad people.

 

[Friday]

We should not have to be the ones that have to go out of our way in order to escape from such dysfunctional people. We should not have to be the ones that have to accommodate our lives in order to escape the bad people.

I'm confused by this. To my way of thinking that's one of the great benefits of adulthood, and where real power lies; I am able to structure my life as I see fit. If someone is crossing my boundaries? I get to respond as I see fit, including leaving, & they're no longer in my life. Voila. I get to organize my life the way I want it. The idea that I shouldn't "have" to? Doesn't make sense to me.

 

[Gs172003]

Just wanted to come back and hit this piece...

Have you looked at what your boundaries are? If the cons...

I needed to read this. As always you are right. Problem is...what do you do when you are scared of what somebody might do?

Example...I have a co-worker that on occasion will make remarks to me that make me uncomfortable but I'm afraid to say anything. He hasn't tried anything but I'm afraid of what his reaction might be. What then?