Missing My Family

[crazytrain]

It has been 3 months today since I have been able to see, talk to or correspond with my children and I have seen my wife once during this same time period. It doesn't look like it is going to get any better soon, either; today I received two Father's Day gifts from my boys, from artwork they did at their schools. I barely made it home; I cried the whole two miles home and then for about 30 minutes in the car in the driveway. :cry:

My wife doesn't get why I am so depressed, yet she had Post-Partum Depression for a good three months after our first son was born. Apparently she doesn't remember how lousy you feel when you are depressed, even though I have told her how I am feeling many, MANY times. So frustrating!

I am working with my Dr to get the depression under control, but no luck so far. I feel as though I am sleeping better, but I still wake up every morning exhausted. T says she believes it is caused by the depression. I believe there is more to it than that, but I don't really know either.

Either way, I am stuck for now and pictures from my boys, pictures OF my boys and pictures of my family going to the beach, on camping trips, etc., without me, are very depressing as well. Again, the wife just doesn't seem to get it, or care, or both. I think she is in denial about the PTSD/DESNOS diagnoses and simply chooses to live life like nothing has changed for her.

That's fine for her, but my ENTIRE life has been turned upside down in the past three months. I have like $10 to my name, I have no work, I live with my mother and oldest brother, my Mom is depressed and anxious as well; yeah, life has been rough lately. It has been for a LONG time, actually, which is probably where a lot of "us" fit in, eh?

Okay, enough complaining about life for now. I needed to vent for a minute to some people that actually can understand and empathize with me. Those two traits seem to be missing from my "normal" friends, so maybe I do not want to be "normal" after all!

Thanks for "listening", my friends and "family"!

Peace out,
CT

 

[Jen93]

(((((CT))))) We're here for you. Everything will turn out all right. Is there a way that you could see them more regularly? Work on maybe meeting them regularly every week for half a day or something?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi CT. i appreciate the rant and the vent. I hope that there is a way to see your kids more often. I can not imagine how hard this is for you. I was supposed to have my grandkid over for the weekend, but she decieded that she did not want to come over. I know it is boring here for her and she is a pre-teen and has other interests. But my heart is breaking because it is a highpoint for me to have her for the weekend.

So my heart goes out to you. I understand why you cry so hard. I am sorry you are having to go through this ecperience. It will not always be this way for you. change comes slowly bt it comes. I am glad you felt safe enough to post it here. Here is a big hug for you. Can you call them on the phone? I do not know the details. I know that you are struggling. I hope you will be able to see and be with your children soon. My heart really goes out to you, on this one.It is really a big thing to go through.

 

[^^FlyingSolo^^]

HI CT,

Dad's really get the short end of the stick sometimes, and it's not fair to good dads! I can see how those colored art pictures from your kids wrenched your heart. I'm sure they miss you.

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. I truly hope things improve for you soon.

Solo

 

[crazytrain]

Thanks everyone; I at least am not sobbing like a baby any more! No, I can't call or write or send any communications at all to them right now. Not sure how long it will be, but like they say "the anticipation is killin' me!". Not ever really knowing what is going on is what bugs me the most. Obviously with an anxiety disorder, we like knowing what to expect, right? PTSD is not a real great reason to keep me out of the loop and guessing what is going on. Seems rather cruel, in fact!

Well, I guess this too shall pass, but when that is I have no idea...

Thanks again for the replies, peeps! I can always count on someone relating to me here! You are a blessing to me in so many ways!

CT

 

[zbztster]

CT

I can relate to that. I'm divorced and had to move several hours away from the family.

I think one of the worse things in the world to do to someone who suffers pstd is to pull a rug completely out from under them such as no contact rules for family. I feel for ya man. I really hope this is not a long term thing for you. Is there anyone who could do an intervention, convince the family how much you need them?

On the other hand I know from experience how hard it is seeing the kids occasionally. Saying goodbye always tears me up inside.

I wish you the best.

 

[crazytrain]

Thanks; I don't think there is an easy answer or an easy route out of this mess, unfortunately. The best things in life don't come easily, though! Something great is waiting for me at the end of this trial; I just need patience and perseverance to push forward through the BS to the other side!

 

[Philippa]

There is a lot of emphasis given to post natal depression, but it often goes unnoticed, the amount of depression amongst males out in the community. I think in Australia it is a huge issue with men suiciding.

Because women are traditionally the 'emotional' ones, and men have been conditioned to remain stoic and "tough' and place less importance on emotions, women tend to write them off as having no emotions...which isn't true.

I didn't learn that men even had feelings until I was at least 18.

Maybe your wife just thinks that you are supposed to be her rock, and isn't taking into account that maybe you need her to be yours for a while? It doesn't sound very equal, or understanding.

I know what it's like to be depressed and not receive the support you feel loved ones are supposed to just give you, and it can make depression that much harder to get through, feeling invalidated on top of all that.

At least you can come here and be heard, and understood.

 

[crazytrain]

Exactly right! This is a great place to go for understanding and wonderful, listening ears!

 

[Philippa]

Yeah, I sure wish I'd known about it, and had a computer when I was going through deep depression years ago. I found this place when I'd moved past the really hard stuff.