Missing Piece

[Deleted member 37474]

So, my therapist said something that is making me really angry. She said that I may not ever get to know the "middle" of what happened to me. A lot of the stuff has come back in flashes, but there is a key moment in time where I knew that I had no choice in the matter anymore and submitted myself to him. I need to see this. I don't feel like I can ever heal or deal with this with out this missing piece. Why can't I remember? I am so angry.

 

[Justmehere]

Traumatic amnesia is the brain's defense to pain. It helped you survive the unbearable.

It can feel like another loss to not remember, on top of the pain of the trauma. For me, not remembering feels like something else being taken from me, my own memory, against my wishes.

It is very possible to heal without remembering all of what happened.

It's also possible it may come back at some later date - but don't push it. Working on building up skills to manage pain and distress and to feel safe in life now will help increase the chances your brain might let go of the wall of not remembering and fill in the gaps. Pushing to remember before being ready may just mean shutting out more.

 

[Keming]

Additionally, those memories may simply never have formed. Extreme stress interferes with the memory functions of the brain. That data just might not have been written or imprinted.

If you want to find it, I hope you do. But not remembering isn't intrinsically a failure. We can't control the biology.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Yup, I know this is an old post, too, but have you considered hypnotherapy? It's supposed to be quite effective in digging out the missing pieces.

I have to say that for myself, the emdr brought out a lot of stuff that I had buried. It gave me a much clearer picture of who I was as a child.

 

[Rumors]

I lost a lot of memories. It was stifling and felt like it hindered my journey. As time has gone by, those memories have resurfaced some of which I wish never had. I know it feels like you are watching a movie with missing parts, but be kind to yourself and very patient. If it is meant to be, they will come.
I did EMDR and I think it started shaking some of that loose. I am not sure I could do hypnosis. I am sure there are responsible therapist that know exactly how to do it correctly, however I would be afraid that my memories could be manipulated. I don't know enough about it to talk about it.
I really hope you are able to find some peace with where you are in your journey. Sometimes self acceptance of these things opens up the pathway to remembering. Honor where you are... best wishes.

 

[Suzetig]

Hypnotherapy isn't a great process for recovering memories because the very process itself relies on you being out into a highly suggestible state meaning you could end up with a lot of false memories and all the crap that goes with it.

It may be worth thinking about what it is you feel you need to know and why? It may sound obvious but your mind will have forgotten lots of things that you don't even miss so what is it you need in remembering trauma? Confirmation that it happened, validation due feelings that you have, - way of understanding? All of which are valid but knowing why the clear memory matters may help you decide on next steps.

I also tend to think that we remember things when we are meant to and if we don't remember, it's because we aren't there yet.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Update. I wrote this back in April. Much of my memory has come back since then. I am set up to do emdr in the near future. Going over history with my new therapist. Much of my memories that have resurfaced are pretty bad. Hoping emdr will file them away.