Mixed feelings

[BlueOrange]

Last week, I was really annoyed with someone. I could see that they were trying to help, but at the same time, they were doing it in an infuriating way. I switched rapidly between anger and gratitude, and then, I seemed to be feeling both emotions at once. Historically, I've know how I 'should' feel, and how I 'do' feel, I've not had this experience of simultaneous emotions.

I've been very tired since then, and felt a lot of pain, but I'm much more stable than I have been when in that much pain. I feel... integrated. I'm hopeful (once again) that I might have arrived at the root of the problem.

 

[FireSign8]

Well then, I have to tell you that I think you are lucky if you get to stay with those roots & get to know them. Why do I say this? Because it seems like every time I find a root, a damn gopher comes up & takes it away! Seriously, my mind just is no longer able to keep track when the world is so full of idiots running the show! It is the sole reason I am not renewing my Costco card. The customer service is worse than the customers fighting over free food samples & blocking the store aisles. There are no real deals there anymore. Just like real life...no more real people with real feeling & emotions. Just a bunch of robots with cell phones in their hands! Sorry for my rant. Is Australia anything like the US?

 

[BlueOrange]

I've certainly been fooled before, when it comes to deciding that I'm cured.

Today was hard. I was having 'flash temper' over stupid things (my wife not responding immediately when I spoke to her, for instance). But I didn't act on it, I just got really tired. So yay, I'm successful in managing my behaviour. I wish it was more satisfying. My son managed his emotions better than this part of me when he was 4. It's a comparison that makes it hard to feel good about myself.

Although, I raised my son. So I guess I raised him better than I was raised. And I'm demonstrating an ability to raise myself. I'd really like to have someone else raise me, though.