MJ Docu Triggering anyone?

[Bry]

I know it is not news, but I feel myself hugely triggered with this MJ documentary - especially so because a few people I know (and like) are acting like csa apologists.

I don’t think I’ll ever get through to anyone (my own family included) about abuse, and adding in my day and night fears for my children, now above all that, the even ‘semi’ MJ fans don’t wanna hear it: I just can’t.
I was only emerging from a deep depression too. ? No one around me even 1% understands the turmoil. I think they’re sick of my moods.

 

[Missycat]

Ive just watched the first part of the documentary and although i found it distressing i felt i had to watch it and not switch off. What upsets me the most is peoples reaction to it in that they dont believe the victims and that they but in to this attitude of ‘its MJ, he’s famous he wouldnt do that’ ..... or ‘well he’s like a little boy so be wouldnt have know what he was doing’!! Honest it makes my blood boil. Im a survivor of CSA and hearing how others have commented really helps me understand why i never spoke up about my abuser /abuse.

 

[EveHarrington]

What’s a CSA apologist? (I know what CSA means, just unsure of the whole term.)

I’m a bit upset about the role of at least one of the parents. She FED her son to MJ! I think she should have her ovaries ripped out, no anesthesia, just for that. My parents didn’t know about my abuse, but they weren’t handing me over to a stranger in the middle of the night, either.

 

[somerandomguy]

I haven't watched it and don't intend to, but listening to the crap from MJ fans is enough to make me very angry and disturbed. The guy was a pedo. Just because he made some good music doesn't make him not a pedo. It exasperates me that people just want to believe that he wasn't, so they attack his accusers.

I can tell you that there's even more anguish over at another message board I go to that is primarily populated by CSA survivors. I feel incredibly sad for people who are forced into reliving their own trauma because of MJ and especially because of the people who love MJ more than they think children should stay unmolested.

 

[Chris-duck]

I watched it yesterday. The actual documentary didn't trigger me. More the Facebook posts about it saying things like "give some actual proof then we'll believe it". It's kinda always the issue with famous perps. People will defend them cos they like their music/films/whatever. Nyeh

 

[Sideways]

"give some actual proof then we'll believe it".

Pfft.

If anyone knew their 40 year old single male neighbour had the walls of their home plastered with pictures of little boys, and that he routinely had 7 year old boys sleep alone with him in his bed, people would take the attitude, “Prove to me this man ISN’T a pedophile. Prove to me that all you ever do is fall asleep watching movies.”

Because it’s that inappropriate. Sleeping with little boys you just met?. All by itself that’s not okay.

That said...

It’s devastating to have MJ’s legacy destroyed. I loved his music. I still do.

But I can’t listen to it anymore. For a couple of decades I just told myself MJ was different, despite the evidence being there, in my face, every time MJ and his ranch were shown in the news. Despite being a CSA survivor myself - I wanted so much for it to not be true.

So, for people who don’t understand the way CSA unfolds for a victim as they age? Why we protect the secret with our life? How we can be in love with the person who destroyed our life? Why would you let these allegations destroy that legacy? The love you have for this creative genius that you grew up listening to. Way too hard. Way too painful.

Some radio stations here have openly removed MJ’s music from their catalogues. And I’m grateful for that because as a massive fan, but also a CSA victim, it’s confusing for me to have these 2 powerfully opposing emotions about the one guy. And I feel guilty for being so wilfully naive, and so quick to disbelieve other abuse victims. If you don’t have experience in this stuff? It makes sense to me you’d just keep disbelieving.

Watching the film, though, has evoked a lot of different emotions about my own abuse. Hearing these guys talk about the change they went through from denying to accepting and speaking out, using words and descriptions of how that feels, that I’ve said about my own abuse for years. It’s confronting. Validating. A relief. A devastating reality. So many different things.

Also some insight into why my family reacted in the odd and different ways they did, and how it may be affecting them.

Not something I’d watch again. And I’m gonna detox and flush it out of my system with a whole stack of self-care. But glad I watched it. And I hope I don’t let starpower make me wilfully blind again. I’m gonna bave to find a way to forgive myself for being so cruel in my mind to these victims, and the obviousness of it all which I was so quick to dismiss.

 

[EveHarrington]

Does anyone else still not want to believe it?

Yes, I’m a MJ fan, but the evidence can’t be denied anymore.

I feel like I’m betraying fellow survivors.

 

[Bry]

Thanks for the replies guys. I watched/read way too much than what I’m able for. Even though I pretty much ignored him for years - and I did love his music, and actually met him too -

Not sure how to quote properly sorry but CSA apologist is pretty much my made up term, not sure, he’s allowed away with it because he’s a “Star!”

Nail on the head - it’s the responses that have triggered me. I knew all about him. The responses are shocking, from some people and have turned me into quite the bitch this past week. I was groomed in exactly the same way, minus the rich and famous. The pain in Jimmy’s face. And Mac is also messed up even though he denies everything. Master groomer.

 

[Missycat]

Ive just watched half of part 2 and its so difficult to watch. So many emotions and feelings triggered this time. He was such a manipulator and he groomed the whole families ... got to remember this was the 80s and 90’s and he was probably the biggest star in the world so was so protected - no one at the time would have believed he was capable of what he did and i cant believe after everything that has come out that people still dont believe he did it. His family on a chat show in the uk quoted that the victims must be lying because they previously gave testimonies on his behalf ... well yea they were kids then, they were scared, they adored him and they were groomed. Even with all these high profile cases ( weve had a few in the uk) it still shocks me how peoples attitides are to historic abuse .... no wonder victims dont report.

 

[Emotional girl]

I watched it up until they started talking about their abuse but then I had to turn it off.
However like others have said the main trigger for me has been other people's reactions on social media.
I have seen many tweets which have upset me, especially ones like all sexual abuse victims are just making it up and they are just looking for attention.
I have decided to come off Twitter for a while as remarks like that make me both upset and angry but I don't feel I am ready to argue back.

 

[New]

Just want to say I understand. It is heartbreaking when you see others not believed and treated so badly.
Sadly I expect it though because it seems to be the normal thing. I think the abusers know it and I wish these people did. I try to stay away from these stories but many times I can’t help but read or watch them hoping for a different outcome.

 

[Starfire]

Thanks for posting this. Didn't know how to bring it up. Didn't watch the whole thing. Happened upon the the last hour. Thought it was a docu about MJ. It was oprah's interview afterwards that effected most. Related so much to their feelings. Part of me felt they were putting into clearer words the feelings I felt. Only change the perpetrator 's name.Therefore have taped it & want to be reassured by watching it again that my feelings aren't crazy, weird, invented. Another part, doesn't want any reassurance, doesn't want to hear it, be reminded it actually did happen.

I just tell people, MJ was a great musician & he was a paedophile. Can be both. See it all the time. A married renowned minister who has *saved* many people & has a mistress on the side. Successful/respected CPA who has saved the financial lives of many people & embezzled my from his company. A brilliant law student who helps everyone he knows & a serial killer. On & on

Does anyone else still not want to believe it?

Yes, I’m a MJ fan, but the evidence can’t be denied anymore.

I feel like I’m betraying fellow survivors.

I see no problem. MJ was a brilliant performer & he was a pedophile. He can be both. Happens all the time. Beloved minister & keeps a mistress on the side. Brilliant highly revered law student & a serial killer. Can be both.

As I read people's responses, I think I am more angry with the people who refused to see & stop it. Did they really think MJ would stop making music if he was pulled aside & told to stop & get help. A 30+ year old man sleeping with 7 year old boys. Duh! A wife who left him when she found out. Staff who gave tacit approval.