Modify Thinking To Change Emotions?

[PTSD_4Life]

Hi all, I'm new to this forum. I have complex PTSD, panic attacks, generalized anxiety, agoraphobia, socialphobia, etc. I've been seeing a master's level therapist since late June & she does EMDR.

Short story is, I was physically & sexually abused within my home growing up & watched it happend to my other family members, sexually abused by my adult male babysitter at age 5, brother tried to drown me at age 4, & victim of a night-time home invasion about 10 yrs ago, and the list goes on...

My therapist says that if I would just change the way that I think, then that will change my emotions and I should be fine. In fact, she seems to get angry with me when I tell her of my anxieties and what leads me to panic attacks. She said before it happens, just change the way I'm thinking of a situation and it won't happen. But for me, it seems like I can't control it - it's automatic and just happens. Any insights? She looks at me like she doesn't get it. Why can't I change the way I think. I tell her that it's all wrapped up together, the thinking, the emotions, the response, etc. Please help.

Thanks!

 

[therapybankrupt]

Try putting a visual boundary an arms length away around you every morning some bright color you love. When these people,thoughts begin to appear in your head. Imagine throwing them out into the universe. If it is just a thought think about writing that thought on a a piece of paper set it on fire and shoot it out of your boundary. Helps reduce the round and round thoughts. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Brighten your boundary so no one or nothing can get in. This is your space. You are not allowed in any one else's and they are not allowed in yours! Its worth a try it has helped for me.

 

[digger]

My therapist says that if I would just change the way that I think

I think I might be inclined to 'just change' my therapist.

How long have you been seeing her? It doesn't sound like a very good fit for you to be honest.

 

[digger]

Sorry, I just saw you said you've been seeing her since June. Assuming you've been having regular appointments with her, I'd say that's enough time to know whether you think she's helping you or not. It's all very well telling you to just change your thinking, but if she's not giving you the tools to do that and/or not listening to your feedback about her approach, then it's probably best to find someone else.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Just because a therapist has a masters degree doesn't mean s/he will be amazing or particularly good with trauma issues - especially childhood sexual abuse. I'd generally agree that maybe looking for another therapist would be great and if you availability to choose, to try a trauma specialist.

 

[Valentino]

But for me, it seems like I can't control it - it's automatic and just happens. Any insights? She looks at me like she doesn't get it. Why can't I change the way I think. I tell her that it's all wrapped up together, the thinking, the emotions, the response, etc.

You already have shared some great insights. You clearly noticed that 'She doesn't get it', your therapist does not relate to your experience. Either she hasn't personally experienced PTSD and recovered. Or if she has, she was marginally successful with this thought control strategy.

You are also correct with your observation that emotions, thinking, and response are all wrapped together. When a person has PTSD and gets triggered, all three often automatically and instinctually happen all at the same time, that's just how a trauma trigger often works.

Although technically in my personal experience and observation, it's the emotional energy that is always the leader. It's just that the mental story and reactive behavior are so habitually latched onto the emotional energy, that it feels like it's one big bunch.

There are a wide variety of strategies to use or manipulate thoughts & attention to try to change your mental stories. They have a marginal effect on the original emotional energy. Reactive response happens because you're surprised from a trauma trigger and fall back on instinctual survival strategies, instead of using psychological defense mechanisms. You become less reactive when you learn how to use your anger energy to create and defend healthy boundaries. And to resolve emotional energy, it starts with exposure strategies, to physically feel the raw emotional energy bit by bit, until you get used to it, learn from it, and eventually discover the underlying pains, and then you can grieve and heal those core wounds.

 

[ms spock]

Changing the way you think takes time and space. I struggle with that a lot.

Your therapist might be expecting too much too soon?

It doesn't sound like she has much of an insight about trauma.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

How bad are the thoughts? My thoughts are to the point of being very obsessive and once they take hold I can't stop them.

I swore I'd never go on steady meds again but it's to the point where the thoughts are destroying my life. So I'm back on medication, tonight is my first dose. It feels like my mind needs a rest. It's tired of going 100 miles an hour 24/7.

If you can't control them on your own, maybe medication would help?

 

[PTSD_4Life]

Wow, thank you all for your input. This certainly must be an active forum. I guess there's several of us out there with issues.

I am currently taking Klonopin & Amitriptyline.

My therapist actually specializes and only sees trauma patients & she said after yrs, she realized she had been a victim, herself, of childhood sexual abuse & she was also physically abused by her ex-husband.

She does think very highly of - basically that you can control your mind and in effect, that will lead to you having no issues. Really if it were that simple, I could just do it myself without any help. If all I need to do is simply just change the way I think.

For example, a couple of my simpler issues are that I get anxious while sitting at a light if someone is right next to me. I feel threatened, like the person next to me is staring at me. Another similar issue is going into public place (typically where people are sitting around waiting ie a doctor's office). I feel like everyone turns and looks at me and, although this sounds strange - I want to go hide. And if there's no empty seats off by themselves I start to panic. She says to change the way I think about these situations and I'll be fine. Like, the driver next to me isn't really looking at me - they're just driving or the people in the waiting room aren't looking at me or judging me, they just happen to look up at me. Although, rationally, I can see her point. And she asks me, "Why do you think that you're always the center of attention? People don't care about who you are or what you're doing. They're just going about living their lives." When she says that to me, it makes me feel worse - that she thinks I'm putting myself on a pedistal and WANT people to look at me, when it's the exact opposite. She says that I must be just sitting around thinking of negative things. Then negative things will happen. But if I think positively, then positive things will happen. I disagree. I could be happy as can be living life, having fun, then all of a sudden I'm attacked for no reason. Is it because I brought it on myself? No. Bad things happen. Period.

I entertain the idea of getting another therapist, however, this one agrees that I shouldn't be working and I am currently on disability. I don't want to lose that because I can't function in a work environment. I'm afraid if I switch therapists, the new one will say that I'm OK to work. I'm feel like I'm stuck. :-/ I feel like she's expecting more than I can do right now. Yet, she seems to get angry & almost argumentative when I say, yes, I can say outloud, that I should think this way, but it's difficult or impossible to actually think that way & believe it. ie people are good and nothing will happen to you. From past experience, I know that's not the case. And other forces are also in action besides my thinking.

BTW, digger1 I like your profile pic, I would probably choose something similar if I set one up for myself. :)

 

[digger]

She says that I must be just sitting around thinking of negative things. Then negative things will happen. But if I think positively, then positive things will happen

I can see where she's coming from with this, kind of... I do think that thinking negatively makes you notice and focus on the negative things more and so you may feel that everything that happens is negative because you stop noticing the positives. But life certainly isn't as simple as saying if you only think positively only positive things will happen. I would ask her to clarify what she means by this because if she really thinks that, then I think she's a bit deluded (but probably in a fairly blissfully ignorant kind of way so maybe if you burst her bubble, do it gently ;))

I feel like she's expecting more than I can do right now.

Have you said this to her? If so what is her response?

she seems to get angry & almost argumentative

This is the bit that worries me. She doesn't seem to be hearing you and getting angry at you clearly isn't the answer. Maybe she is unaware that it is coming across as anger? Have you raised this with her?

BTW, digger1 I like your profile pic, I would probably choose something similar if I set one up for myself.

:D

 

[Valentino]

I feel threatened, like the person next to me is staring at me. ... feel like everyone turns and looks at me and ... I want to go hide. ... And if there's no empty seats off by themselves I start to panic.
...
When she says that to me, it makes me feel worse - that she thinks I'm putting myself on a pedestal and WANT people to look at me, when it's the exact opposite.
...
I'm afraid if I switch therapists, the new one will say that I'm OK to work. I'm feel like I'm stuck. :-/ I feel like she's expecting more than I can do right now.
... Yet, she seems to get angry & almost argumentative when I say, yes, I can say outloud, that I should think this way, but it's difficult or impossible to actually think that way & believe it. ... other forces are also in action besides my thinking.

You have very good instincts, learn to trust your instincts. Sounds like your nervous system feels unsafe and confused, it's still in an orienting process and is over-sensitive to any potential sign of danger. Honor your desire for safety and certainty, but at the same time use your rational thinking to add mental objective assessments of real danger or safety. And figure out a form of exposure therapy to allow your nervous system to 'test the waters' bit by bit, to build confidence and re-train your instincts to your current environment.

Your therapist is using aggressive mental strategies, she probably was able to hypnotize her brain to ignore her instincts, but at the cost of using her mental focus to over-ride her emotions with aggressive positive thoughts and beliefs. But that method has flaws, and you are on the receiving end of those flaws. She has programmed herself to automatically push positive thoughts onto reality, and as a by product can not listen or accept what your thoughts and opinions of your reality are. Instead she actively attacks your thoughts, essentially dumping some of her unresolved pain and emotions onto you.

Not only does this self-programming strategy require constant repetition and re-enforcement, it also creates giant blind spots to reality as it is, which can actually set up a person for a greater fall in the future.

But, you don't have to 'throw the baby out with the bath water', your therapist can still have many other forms of value. She may know other strategies that may work better for you. You get some exposure therapy and support from having someone to talk to about your trauma. She might be able to write prescriptions. And she can also be good to gain experience with dealing with another's aggression, you can slowly learn to re-trust your instincts, and stand up for yourself by creating new healthy boundaries.

 

[ms spock]

My therapist actually specializes and only sees trauma patients & she said after yrs, she realized she had been a victim, herself, of childhood sexual abuse & she was also physically abused by her ex-husband.

Perhaps see someone who doesn't have this background. It needs to be about you and not her.