Money

[Need an Oasis]

I have been looking for a job here in South Africa, but so far I am being turned away for not being a citizen, or because they need to put a black South African into the position (BEE = Black Economic Empowerment). I have managed to get a part-time job teaching first aid and CPR though, through my husband's cousin. It's not great money but it's something.

Anyway, I have always made my own money and paid my own way, so it feels good to contribute again, even in a really small way. I hate asking my husband for money. He would never NOT give me money, that's not the problem. I just hate to be dependent on anyone. I guess that mindset has to change, now that I live in a foreign country and am married. There are things I just can't do by/for myself. Sometimes doing simple stuff has me stumped because things here are so different.

Anyway. Here is the thing. I was talking to a female friend last week, and she said that she never feels guilty or bad about asking her husband for money because in her opinion, husbands feel happy and fulfilled and needed when they can provide for the wife. It's how they are wired. So us (wives) asking them (husbands) for money makes them feel good. (And I don't mean "honey I need money for new diamond earrings" but "I need some money for a hair cut or [something practical].") Ijust HATE having to ask.

Input from you men, please?

 

[Stammer]

I believe it is all relative to the relationship and the husbands personality, to include how often and how much money.
In my personal experiences, I never had a problem providing every single thing possible to include any money that was asked for. But after a while i felt a bit used because I never felt any thankfulness or respect after a while.
So I guess my advice would be to keep pulling in what money you can, always and forever kiss/hug him when he hands over the cash/card! and always be mindful of how exactly you are asking or what you are asking for.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey, is it there yet????

I have the same issue but I am slowly wearing her down. Margaret wants to work so she can have her own money. I have told her that I will put money in her account every week if that is what she wants.
Telling her that she is my wife now and what's mine is hers was a good thing. The other issue is that I have not been good with money since coming home in 06. I just wasn't able to rub two cents together.

Now we both have new cars and are living comfortably. I can't wait till we both retire.

Am I waffling???

 

[Zipperhead]

I'm in a differant situation then most men. My wife makes more than me, and did so even when I was still in. My check pays the morgage and food. I pay for my own gas and insurence. So when my wife comes to me for money (almost every month) I do get bitter. I try not to let her know about that, but it's true. I guess it comes down to what you're using the money for. If you are being responsible, great. If you're throwing it away, he is going to feel used. We like feeling needed, not used.

 

[Anglesachse]

Me and my misses have a joint bank account, everything we both earn goes into it. and when well feel we need money for ourselves we talk about it first.

 

[Stammer]

I think Zipperhead put it in perfect terms at least to my self

We like feeling needed, not used.

 

[Need an Oasis]

Thanks guys, it all makes sense. It just helps to have a male point of view/opinion sometimes!

Hey, is it there yet????

Yes, indeed Jimmy!!! And it has been used already!!! You have mail. :D

 

[JarHed]

Me and my misses have a joint bank account, everything we both earn goes into it. and when well feel we need money for ourselves we talk about it first.

My wife and I are a lot like Angle and his wife. Sometimes I've made more and sometimes she has. It's never been an issue for us. We've always pooled our resources. We think like a team and pull together in the same direction. I consider that we're both lucky in that respect.

But I'd say what ever works as well. I know that having a job that you like and feeling like you're contributing can also make you feel better which is good as well.