Sexual Assault Most recent sa anniversary

[Kintsugi]

Hello Forumland.

I'm just writing to say that I'm obviously beginning to really struggle as the anniversary of my most recent sexual assault incident is upon me. Last year, I was assaulted on the Fourth of July at my friend's boss's house. There were police reports (for the first time). There was a lot of court. There was a hearing. The judge wanted to nail him with two counts of felony sexual battery (my best friend was also assaulted).

About six weeks ago, my best friend (I haven't seen one personally, but my mail situation is FUBAR) received a letter saying that all charges were being dropped instead of pursued in criminal court.

I'm crazy dissociative. Self-loathing keeps smacking me around. I want to die.

 

[Esterio]

I am sorry for the way that the Criminal Court System does not work for victims of sexual assault. It seems to continue to traumatize the victims and let the perpetrators go free. I wish you strength that you need to get through this.
Peace be safe

 

[Esterio]

I never reported any attacks. Because of fear of out come.

 

[scout86]

I hate that the system works so badly! But, you're one of the good guys, you're not the one who deserves to get beat up for this.

Good to see you around BTW. Just wish is was to report in on all the good stuff in your busy life these days. How's your friend doing?

 

[Sideways]

Have you thought of creating a grieving ritual? Some people find that a helpful way to give expression to some of the emotions that otherwise get overwhelming around anniversaries...?

We survive, in spite of the legal system, rather than with the courts as our ally. And you will survive. It takes time, but you aren't in it alone.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Another travesty of justice @Simple Simon, so sorry. doc who assaulted (sex) me in his office well I was not believed go figure. Believe me or the doc. The doc of course. Rape kits lying on shelves for decades while perp walks around raping more; and I recently saw where out of 1000 rapes/rapists 994 will walk free. Sad but true @Simple Simon so you hang in there.

 

[Kintsugi]

I actually feel fairly positively about how things went in court. I didn't want to report; rather, it would have never occurred to me to do so. But my BFF's husband (BFF#2) freaked the f*ck out when he found out what had been happening while he wasn't around that night, and he was either going to go kill that man (for real--I'm not exaggerating) or we were going to report it to the police. It was all that would placate his murderous rage.

So that's what happened. And that really sucked for me. And then I had to go to court a lot. And that sucked really bad. But when the hearing actually happened, I got to call someone out in front of God and everyone, and I said the truth of the matter, and it was heard, and the judge believed me, and the defense attorney was totally bamboozled by my ballsy countering of his totally inane line of questioning. And the judge wanted to seek the highest penalties. It felt so f*cking good to actually have someone in authority be like, "Yes, he totally assaulted you. Let's throw the book at this motherf*cker" (paraphrased :rolleyes: ).

I don't care too much that it got thrown out of criminal court. I'm sure they have more important cases. The only thing that bothers me is that that night, when the police went to collect reports from the perp and his girlfriend, his girlfriend was totally wasted (and he was so drunk they couldn't get him out of bed :banghead: and then the f*cking DA has the balls to ask how much I had to drink--FFS). So she couldn't write a statement. So she gave a video statement. I didn't see it, but my friends did, and they said she told the cops he had abused his sister and several other young relations throughout his adolescence and young adulthood. THAT f*cking bothers me (incest [brother] victim here).

But then, however I think I feel about it, my body is telling me I feel things right now. When I think about the 4th, I don't feel excited. I feel very anxious. My paranoia/hypervigilance is cranked up. And I have a lot of suicidal ideation and feelings of worthlessness. It just sucks, you know?

Thanks for reading/responding/being here.

 

[anonymous]

Simply Simon, I have really missed you the past couple of weeks. I am sorry that you are going through this. It isn't fair.

I am not the best at responding to these things, and hope that I dont say something wrong.

I do, however, feel the need to try to say something. I know that the brother/sister incest is a HUGE deal. This jerk, according to his girlfriend, was guilty of that. You are a sweet person and always there for others (at least that is my perception). Can you consider that you may have given a voice to his pervious young victims by your testimony? Regardless of the outcome of the court's decisions (which so often are not fair), you may have at least validated something for them by taking him on in such a public manner. It is not a good consolation prize, I realize, but maybe it is something???

We are here for you and listening....

 

[Kintsugi]

Can you consider that you may have given a voice to his pervious young victims by your testimony? Regardless of the outcome of the court's decisions (which so often are not fair), you may have at least validated something for them by taking him on in such a public manner.

This is actually the only reason I didn't fight the subpoena. And also, when the DA asked me if I would consider prosecuting at a lower charge (misdemeanor), this is why I told him that I wanted to see nothing less than jail time on the table.

Thank you for the boost. I needed to remember how this was ultimately bigger than I. I wish someone would take MY brother to court (except not me... because Simon is scared).

ETA: I think this anniversary is why I can't stop thinking about my brother.

 

[anonymous]

I was not trying to minimize the impact it has had on you. Sometimes I have to settle for small victories.

I know if people who have been tried, yet not convicted for child molestation, etc. Despite the lack of a conviction, others now look at them with suspicion, don't leave small kids alone with them, etc. They may, or may not be innocent, but it doesn't erase the nagging thoughts in the back of the minds of others. Maybe your testimony will at least cause others to be cautious around him, and could protect future would-be victims?

 

[Kintsugi]

The really big problem is dude is a f*cking plumber. I wish he had to register (again, why I sought felony charges), because I do NOT recommend letting him in your home.

Unfortunately, the judge elected to hear our case after court was technically closed, so we had no audience, which was lucky for me in terms of my anxiety level (although I dissociated through most of it, so) but unlucky in the sense that the community didn't bear witness to the accusations. Because this is a very small town. Although he was put in the paper as being arrested on charges of two counts sexual battery. Bail $250,000. Bastard.

 

[Esterio]

I admire your courage to stand up and face your perpetrator In court. I am please that you feel you got your day. I just wish he was out of the public and in jail where he belongs.
To many never pay for there actions against us. I have watch a few trials go forward on CSA and watched as the person got off and it just kills me everytime I here of another one getting away. This has f*cked most of my life why not theirs.
You are a strong courageous person @ Simply Simon. I wish you all the strength to get thought this anniversary.
((((((((Simply Simon)))))))))