purple butterfly
Gold Member
My daughter and her husband of three weeks are living with me and have been for about 8 weeks before the wedding. I have had grave concerns from the time they got engaged and probably stupidly expressed those to my now son in law.
There have been lots of issues leading up to the wedding starting from when he rang and asked for my daughter's hand in marriage.
My response was please reconsider,there is lots of stuff you don't understand, to his credit or not ??? he pursued his cause.
At the time I expressed my concerns about their relationship and the extent of family issues that were involved. Trying not to sound too negative he declared his undying love for my daughter, who had just lost her father to cancer and was in a mental health hospital to help her change medication for severe depression.
Although through no fault of his own he also comes from a very dysfunctional family.
The result of them living with me is I am drinking way too much. But in my daughter's eyes I am just not coping and should be doing much better.
To give a little light on the subject: my daughter is profoundly deaf and was the first prelingually deaf child in the world to have a cochlear implant at the age of 1 1/2. Her second implant was at 19. She is an amazing example of what is possible when you reach for the stars. She has achieved a Bachelor of Design ( Interior Design) with honors and now works in her field.
This achievement has come at a cost to me. I have always been there to support her but had an emotional, financial, abusive... relationship with her father, who has since died of esophageal cancer due to drinking and smoking.
But in her eyes I have to be perfect.
Trauma dating possibly from my birth is surfacing. Two tiny brother died ( both little bodies were interred at unknown sites, one body was just lost to the system). Possibly thrown out. I am so sorry that is gruesome but true.
That left me feeling unsafe and that I could disappear and no one would notice. This was a taboo before as a family,we adopted a brother and then my mother had another two sons naturally.
My daughter has sent me 2 lecturing emails today outlining what I need to do. In her eyes I have to be perfect and cope with the trauma of her total deafness and rehabilitation , my alcoholic husband (another story) my abusive father who I thought I could be in contact with this week( and failed miserably) the death of two brothers, who haven't seemed to matter to anyone else but myself and two sons who are alcoholics from their father's line and are sober and fulfilling their dreams and doing an awesome job. One has just completed his teaching degree the other is about to complete a PHD in history.
Tomorrow I am flying to Darwin from Melbourne for a week of respite. We will say at Lake Bennet and Litchfield park and I hope be out of range for mobiles etc. Will post some amazing scenery when I get back next week.
There have been lots of issues leading up to the wedding starting from when he rang and asked for my daughter's hand in marriage.
My response was please reconsider,there is lots of stuff you don't understand, to his credit or not ??? he pursued his cause.
At the time I expressed my concerns about their relationship and the extent of family issues that were involved. Trying not to sound too negative he declared his undying love for my daughter, who had just lost her father to cancer and was in a mental health hospital to help her change medication for severe depression.
Although through no fault of his own he also comes from a very dysfunctional family.
The result of them living with me is I am drinking way too much. But in my daughter's eyes I am just not coping and should be doing much better.
To give a little light on the subject: my daughter is profoundly deaf and was the first prelingually deaf child in the world to have a cochlear implant at the age of 1 1/2. Her second implant was at 19. She is an amazing example of what is possible when you reach for the stars. She has achieved a Bachelor of Design ( Interior Design) with honors and now works in her field.
This achievement has come at a cost to me. I have always been there to support her but had an emotional, financial, abusive... relationship with her father, who has since died of esophageal cancer due to drinking and smoking.
But in her eyes I have to be perfect.
Trauma dating possibly from my birth is surfacing. Two tiny brother died ( both little bodies were interred at unknown sites, one body was just lost to the system). Possibly thrown out. I am so sorry that is gruesome but true.
That left me feeling unsafe and that I could disappear and no one would notice. This was a taboo before as a family,we adopted a brother and then my mother had another two sons naturally.
My daughter has sent me 2 lecturing emails today outlining what I need to do. In her eyes I have to be perfect and cope with the trauma of her total deafness and rehabilitation , my alcoholic husband (another story) my abusive father who I thought I could be in contact with this week( and failed miserably) the death of two brothers, who haven't seemed to matter to anyone else but myself and two sons who are alcoholics from their father's line and are sober and fulfilling their dreams and doing an awesome job. One has just completed his teaching degree the other is about to complete a PHD in history.
Tomorrow I am flying to Darwin from Melbourne for a week of respite. We will say at Lake Bennet and Litchfield park and I hope be out of range for mobiles etc. Will post some amazing scenery when I get back next week.
