Mother's day

[Muttly]

@Sweetleaf you made me laugh.

In other news, just having a big wave of sad, at the moment. oh well.

 

[MyWillow]

My mother the enabler.

Messaged her for Mother’s Day. Asked her to let me know when she was free to talk. Given that I have gone no contact with the men in my family. Have been feeling so crap that it was an effort to get that far.

So she calls me. I answer. She’s in the f*cking car with my f*cking father. I freeze. I can’t even say Happy Mothers Day. I just say I’m fine. Busy. But fine. She expects me to TRUST her when she traps me into being in the same “space” as him??? Stupid f*cking idiot. Damn it but no wonder I discovered dissociation to survive therapy. Way too dangerous.

 

[Muttly]

@MyWillow I'm so sorry that happened. Ugh. What a terrible experience. How are you doing now?

 

[MyWillow]

@MyWillow I'm so sorry that happened. Ugh. What a terrible experience. How are you do...

Thank you. I’m ok. Waiting for the backlash from family. Because, you know, I upset them again.

 

[Muttly]

@MyWillow your family can piss off. No offense, I just know how impossible it is, when you have all the responsibility of pleasing your family but no power.​

 

[blackemerald1]

She expects me to TRUST her when she traps me into

@MyWillow - I am so sorry you have a manipulative mother.

I can understand I think. I have a mother that requires a lot of 'work' to be around and I have to give myself adequate respite away from her for my own emotional health...such that it is. She doesn't ever acknowledge any thing happening (or that happened) in my life. I do not expect her to anymore. It is painful but it is necessary to separate my own mental health from my unrealistic expectations of what my mother is capable of feeling or expressing. It's difficult but doable on most occasions. Sometimes I am not so strong.

I think I take solace in the belief that my own children are happy to have contact with me anytime and therefore I have not continued the cycle of dysfunction. So mothers day is a double edged sword. But then aren't all swords for us double edged?