Relationship Moving on

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Peter75

or maybe it didn't work because she overreacted to something, wouldn't be the first time for supporters on this page. maybe cut him some slack for finding it hard to comprehend.
 

dcb2410

Not Active
think the point has been made that this is a page for supporters.

You've put the lie to your thread title by quoting private texts to you directly here, which I'm pretty sure is against the rules.

I'm sorry it didn't work out. But we don't need to see your private messages.
you might not. others who have but shut down by their partner with ptsd may well understand.
 
I might not be a supporter, but I would be horrified if an ex-supporter of mine put up my messages intended for her eyes only into a semi-public forum.

It's a huge betrayal. I understand you're upset, but I am not going to stand by as you try to get brownie points with other supporters by betraying your ex-partner. It's disgusting.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
Individuals have an expectation of privacy in their direct communications with other individuals. Because of that, we discourage direct quoting of someone else's texts or emails. Paraphrasing is always fine.

Posts have been edited to remove those direct quotes.

@dcb2410, you aren't the first member to not anticipate this guideline of ours. If you'd like to replace the content with paraphrasing, just let us know. But my advice would be, try and give yourself some time away from all of it. And you're welcome to return to the site, if it would be useful for you.
 
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EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
I think there is a very clear pattern in your relationships and why they tend to spectacularly go south. I’m not saying your ex is a saint, rather I’m saying that you should examine your own behavior. I think it’s quite telling that you gave up your own business for a woman.....please learn to put yourself first. I think you perhaps play the white knight and then don’t understand why things always go south.
 

dcb2410

Not Active
I think there is a very clear pattern in your relationships and why they tend to spectacularly go south. I’m not saying your ex is a saint, rather I’m saying that you should examine your own behavior. I think it’s quite telling that you gave up your own business for a woman.....please learn to put yourself first. I think you perhaps play the white knight and then don’t understand why things always go south.

No I walked away from my partnership in a law firm after I found out years of my life had been a lie. I didn’t give up my business for a woman. I had to walk away for my own health and to be around my family who were on the other side of the word
 

dcb2410

Not Active
Individuals have an expectation of privacy in their direct communications with other individuals. Because of that, we discourage direct quoting of someone else's texts or emails. Paraphrasing is always fine.

Posts have been edited to remove those direct quotes.

@dcb2410, you aren't the first member to not anticipate this guideline of ours. If you'd like to replace the content with paraphrasing, just let us know. But my advice would be, try and give yourself some time away from all of it. And you're welcome to return to the site, if it would be useful for you.

My simple point is that the sudden end and shut down was inconsistent with thousands of messages expressing a “love of a lifetime” from her. I have read a lot on this site. I understand isolation and hyper- vigilance are common among people who have been through trauma. The sudden shut down given the thousands of messages of love hurts. Simple as that. Not trying to get brownie points. Simply trying to explain how it is quite natural to be shocked by the complete and sudden shutdown which is completely at odds with what she said about what our relationship meant to her and her commitment to work through any problems. She didn’t introduce me to her daughter lightly. I didn’t come into her daughter’s life without being very prepared to work through problems so I didn’t become one of the men who had let my ex down. This has hit me hard. It would hit any person with half a heart hard. I will work through that hurt elsewhere.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
The sudden shut down given the thousands of messages of love hurts. Simple as that. Not trying to get brownie points.
FWIW, I didn't think you were looking for any kind of points. I understand why you quoted them, and simply wanted you to understand why they were removed, that's all.

You're welcome to return, or not - it's completely your call. I do hope you seek out some IRL support either way; talking with someone can help relieve some of the pain. But it'll take some time.
 

dcb2410

Not Active
FWIW, I didn't think you were looking for any kind of points. I understand why you quoted them, and simply wanted you to understand why they were removed, that's all.

You're welcome to return, or not - it's completely your call. I do hope you seek out some IRL support either way; talking with someone can help relieve some of the pain. But it'll take some time.

Thank you Joey. Well I just got my closure. My ex sent a message in response to my request for understanding. She said “I had an obsession with her daughter”. I’m sorry that is sick. That’s where her head can now go to. As the thousands of messages from and to her over our time together show I fell in love with my ex and was introduced to her daughter when my partner said she knew I was the one. And the only moments of miscommunication were where had felt insecure. I understood from where that insecurity came. Quite simply me wanting to be there for 5 mins on her birthday was to not be like the other blokes who only turned up when it suited them. I wasn’t going to be that sort of bloke. I knew in her opening up after what she had been through and what her daughter had been through she needed someone who would make them part of their lives. We went to an Elton John concert and afterwards sent me messages wanting to know if everything was ok. It was. She apologised. She apologised again for her insecurities about thinking I was hiding her from someone on Facebook. But for someone to twist my efforts to explain what I was trying to communicate about being present on her daughter’s birthday her having told me days before that she didn’t want her daughter hurt by me seeing someone else it beyond words. To my ex, I don’t know how many times you said to me that we were a family and that you couldn’t express how much it meant to you when I said that whilst I would never be your daughter’s father I would love her like my own. How you could twist my attempts to explain into something so abhorrent into something so foul. I’m sorry for the traumatic events of her life My family who treated her and her daughter like family - again reflected in many messages from her about how beautiful my family were to her how much it meant to her for her and her daughter to be part of their lives - are disgusted. It takes an awful lot for my parents and siblings to say such things. If someone can turn commitment and generosity of heart into something perverted they have problems I can’t deal with.
 

dcb2410

Not Active
My ex said her daughter always wanted family and it was something my ex could never give her. She could see it in her daughter’s eyes at times when she looked at other families.

She said that I had the most beautiful heart and that my parents had raised an amazing man, a gentleman with value with the most beautiful soul.

So let’s combine those two. A man with a beautiful heart who read time after time in messages and listened when we talked about the pain of her daughter not having a dad. Put yourself in the heart of that man who had never had the blessings of children himself and saw the amazing qualities of the woman he loved in her little girl.

Imagine the joy that man felt when he was told by his partner how she wanted them to be a family. Imagine the joy to him of the beautiful time at Christmas that they shared. Imagine how his heart was touched when for the first time in his life he got to watch a little one he loved (other than his nieces and nephew) open Christmas presents and experience the joy of spending Xmas with a little one who still believed in Santa. Imagine being told that his partner was feeling insecure and didn’t want her daughter to be hurt (thinking I was seeing someone else) because she had grown close to me.

What did the bloke do. He went out and bought presents that he thought she would love. He had taken them both to the ballet and carols at Xmas, to two circuses. He looked into horse riding lessons for the little one as she loved horses. She loved all animals because she had a beautiful kind heart. And that man had also wrapped a present that he bought some years ago whilst in Europe. A beautiful keepsake for her.

And somehow that gets perverted in the most disgusting way. It is no wonder people lose the desire to live in this world.

No I don’t know what it’s like to lose a parent as a child. I know that my dad’s wonderful commitment to his children is probably in part a function of him losing both of his parents as a young teenager. I know that the time and effort he has put into his kids is because his family is very important to him. And as I said to my partner My wish for my own family (whether my own biological children or a partner’s child) was to in some small part in repay the blessings I have had in my wonderful parents. She said she understood that. For her to pervert my efforts now is sick and twisted.
 
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