Mri Tomorrow

[Venusian]

I have a Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) test scheduled for tomorrow. It is a scan of my brain, ironic that I have had abdominal pain for almost 2 years that doctors can't figure out and haven't asked for this test yet. One doctor noticed that I blinked one eye slower than the other a few months ago and referred me to a neurologist. I saw him and he doesn't think there is a problem as my blinking returned to normal and the partial hearing loss cleared up. He thinks it may have been a bit of inflamation but he is doing scans to make sure. So now I am having the scan tomorrow and I don't see another specialist about the pain I do have for another 4 weeks, if that doctor thinks I need an MRI because that is one of the tests I haven't had done, then who knows how long before I have to do this all over again.

I am trying to calm myself down, I was doing great until today but now that the day is tomorrow all I can think of is that white tube thing I will be in for at least a half an hour. I am not claustrophobic, I handle small spaces okay. What triggers me is small enclosed white spaces. The crazy part is that I didn't have a problem until after my memories returned. Once they started coming back I had to quit using a shower curtain that I had for years. It was an opaque white, I have to use one I can at least see colours through.

I spoke to a nurse about it and all she could tell me was to get medication from my doctor, but that would mean that I would have to have someone with me for at leasst 6 hours after the test. I have no one. So I will go in and try and do this with only the grounding techniques that I have learned here. I dissociate when I go to the dentist and maybe that will happen. Maybe I will just go away until the test is done. I just want it to be done. I am trying to get the surgeon to see if he or she knows I am having this test done so that if I need one done for the other pain I can get it done at the same time. I just haven't heard back yet. And I just want to get this over with without freaking out at the hospital.

 

[Phenioxrising]

I had severe abdominal pain for three years. Later to find that it all was somatisation pain. After talking about my trauma again, I am free from the pain. It's undeniable your emotional pain registers as physical pain also.

 

[SNS]

It will be over before you know it. I know you will hate it while you are there but try to think of how it is only a little bit of time in the grand scheme of things and that you will be back home very soon. Also think about suffering a bit to have a better healthier future. Think of it as an investment.

I really hope the time flies by for you and that you feel better when it's out of the way.

Hugs.

 

[cdg]

I have had 3. It is not as bad as we envision it to be before hand. You can still see the outside of the room. Just look down toward the outside of the machine. When they tell you to be very still.. Just close your eyes. Think of being somewhere else entirely. It goes by faster than they tell you to prepare for. If anything consider it easy prolonged exposure therapy. They only put you in as far as your shoulders. You will be fine.

 

[Venusian]

Thanks for the pep talks. I think I just needed to vent and acknowledge that I am having issues with this. It helps to know I will be able to look outside of the machine. As long as I will be able to position my head so that I can do that I will probably be okay. It is in my medical files that I have PTSD and a few details of what caused it so hopefully, I will have a technician that cares and doesn't just want to get it done so they can go home. If I have to explain, I will and maybe that will be enough to keep the anxiety down to a manageable level.

The nurse said that I will have a button, I guess a panic button, in case it gets bad and someone will talk to me. I don't know if I will be able to talk if I have to keep perfectly still but that may just make the trigger worse. There is a very specific memory that triggers this and I wasn't able to talk then either.

 

[cdg]

You can also take a benzo if it helps. You just let them know before hand. They generally ask.

 

[ninja]

I have had many, all of which have been in the newer machines. I thought I would have no room at all, but there was enough space above my body to stack 3 more of me! We didn't try that, of course. :P My technicians were wonderful and I was so comfortable, I ended up falling into a meditative trance. The 45 minute scans felt like 5. :)

Wishing all my best to you for tomorrow!

 

[Venusian]

I will have to stick to relaxation and grounding techniques. The nurse suggested drugs but only if I had someone who would make sure I got home allright and stay with me for several hours and I have no one that I could ask. No family that lives near here and no friends. The only people I know here are the people I work with and they don't have time for something like this.

I have been able to "zone out" when I go to the dentist, before I knew that I was dissociating, and maybe I will be able to do that tomorrow. If I close my eyes maybe I won't react like I did in the past. small enclosed white spaces have my body tensing, waiting for the pain I couldn't see coming. I wish I could say I can control that but even just sitting here imagining what it is like my body is reacting. There is still a lot from that part of the trauma that I don't remember. My head knows that white doesn't equate to pain, my body just doesn't believe it. I need to see something else, anything else, to snap out of it.

 

[cdg]

That seems to be our biggest adversary... Our conscious knows there is no trouble but our mind and body seems to disagree. It would be nice if we had an all clear button we could push.

 

[DharmaGirl]

When I have an MRI, I ask for a washcloth to put over my eyes. It sounds like it would be worse, but since then I can't see at all, I don't get claustrophobic. It makes the whole process easier. Maybe you could bring a colored washcloth from home to use.

 

[Venusian]

monster..., that sounds like a great idea:) I will try that.

 

[ninja]

Thinking of you today, Venusian! Sending strength and support. :)