My 1st relationship since ptsd

[420kitty]

(This might need to be redirected to journal postings, idk).

My last relationship was in 2015 to the middle of 2016, and was insane and rushed. I ended up with an abuser and my personality was very co-dependent. I have been trying my best to recover since then. My ptsd has gotten better, well, I guess I should say my coping strategies have gotten better. Also, my reaction time has delayed between outbursts. I went on the dating journey since I felt ready again. For the most part, it sucked. Guys just wanting pu $$y with no commitment. I turn 30 this year but sometimes still feel 21. Anyway, through the sea of dicks I found someone whom I connect with.

The first month we went ham (all out). We spoke to each other every day (practically all day). We saw each other every day also. It got tl the point where I would tell him each thing I was doing. He started to become my entire life, and it was very emotionally unhealthy. I started getting angry, frustrated and felt like he was using me. I had to stop and think what was really going on. I got him prepared (2 weeks prior) for my needing a break.

He got mad, thought it was him, thought I was cheating, etc. It was on the verge of ending, and he was very confused; as well as sad and anxious. The relationship started seeming extrememly familiar and I was dating how I used to date (before ptsd). Once I realized that it was not working this way I talked with him. I put up boundaries and stopped seeing him every day. He has thought about it and turned around. He understands my need for space and has even researched PTSD more in depth. He says breaks woukd be good for us. Plus we are still very new.

I thought I knew myself again but it is interesting how much I am relearning. I have changed and grown up a lot within these past 2 years. I'm now breaking my codependent habits, and exercising again. Finding things to do alone or with my sis.

I thought since I was now different that my dating habits would be also. I guess not, but I'm happy I know myself enough to know what I need. Plus, this site and some research helps a tremendous amount!

 

[Still Standing]

Sounds like you are making progress in recognizing what is healthy for you and what is not. Good restart in your dating life. Just make sure you can step back and evaluate the relationship every once in awhile to see if you are continuing to use good judgment and staying within your boundaries. But, it sounds like you are up for the challenge. Nice way to start a new relationship and nicer yet, in that your BF is willing to educate himself on PTSD. That is a real plus! Way to go!

 

[420kitty]

I ended up having to break it off. He had too many trust issues (was getting a little controlling) and I have too many body issues that I thought I had gotten over. We're still friends but need to get over our insecurities. We ended up arguing a lot towards the end. I also didn't realize how much space I would need and how emotionally worn out I would feel. He also had a hard time dealing with my outbursts at times. I didn't expect to be the better communicator. Although, working on myself still. Maybe we can be together again one day when our insecurities aren't in the way. In the mean time we're good friends who see each other once in a while. Still go out to eat, etc.