My abuser contacted my therapist - considering seeing a new therapist

[ILoveLife]

Sorry for being harsh, but I do consider this a sort of abuse. See all my points above, this therapist person is not to be trusted at all. I dont understand why she read you that email.

Don't blame yourself though, you're learning from this and it won't happen again.

 

[Sweetleaf]

Yeah, I just need to take care of the email.

How's this for the email text:

"Hi [t's name], after last session, with the email and all of that, I started to feel really uncomfortable with how close you are to the situation, in that [abuser's name] used to see you for therapy, and I just feel too unsafe not distancing myself from him as much as I can. You have been very helpful, and it was very kind of you to see me without charge, but it's all too connected to my trauma, for me to feel comfortable continuing therapy with you. I still want to continue my healing, and you've given me a lot of tools that will help me with that, which I appreciate. I would like to cancel my future appointments, and I would like to try seeking therapy from someone who has absolutely nothing to do with the situation, and is completely removed from having anything at all to do with [abuser's name] in any way, shape or form. Thanks for all the help. -[my name]"

 

[Suzetig]

I think that’s absolutely fine to send her. Clear and to the point.

I honestly don’t think you’ll easily find yourself in an abusive relationship again - each time we deal with this kind of thing it sets a new model for the way we think. You questioned what happened, sought views in a place you trust to some extent, and have really listened to what folk are saying. That’s quite a powerful agent for change right there - you have a way to check out your own sense that something isn’t right and you’ve used it well.

There’s so much learning in this situation that you’re really taking on board -you were right to listen to yourself. Keep doing that and you’ll not go too far wrong.

 

[mumstheword]

Definitely don't be hard on yourself for the way you're feeling about all this.
I completely understand and I think following your gut instincts will lead you to safety and healing.
I can't believe her insensitivity reading that emaiI to you. It's like she doesn't understand the effects and trauma of what you've been through with your abuser/ perp.

I've been struggling and unsafe and unwell just having to move back to the town mine lives in and I can't handle being around anyone that's friend's with him or talks about him, other than.the children we share and that's been really hard in itself.

I think your text/email was kind, honest, clear and it really minimises how destabilizing and hard her doing that to you was.

I really hope you can get into see someone truly understanding, sensitive and skilled, soon.
I'm still reeling at how insensitive that T was and what a terrible decision she made in doing that to you.

She clearly doesn't get how retraumatizing and destabilizing and unsafe that would make a person, anyone that's been through the kinds of things you've been through.

Unbelievable.

A sense of safety is primary in stabilization, that's what I learnt in my recent hospital trauma therapy stay.

Good luck finding someone suitable!

 

[Sweetleaf]

!!!!!!! I sent it !!!!!!!!
holy shit
I did it. It's done. I officially no loner have a therapist.

I really hope I fix that soon.

 

[Mee]

Sweetleaf: I think ending this is positive and shows you are recognising an unhealthy situation.

Paying for therapy is a difficulty; for me I feel it keeps me minded that I am paying for damage done too me; BUT it’s also investment. I am making choices to go without some things to invest in my mental health. That feels an appropriate response to a difficult situation for me.

I hope you find a good ethical therapist

 

[ILoveLife]

Great email :) good for you, excellent self care

 

[somerandomguy]

Congratulations @Sweetleaf. You did the right thing for yourself - the healing thing for yourself. That's a huge deal.

 

[Chris-duck]

It sounds like you made a really healthy choice for yourself in sending the email. I hope you find another T more removed from the situation soon.

 

[Suzetig]

Well done you - such a good decision. Now you get to choose for yourself the best person to support you.

 

[Sweetleaf]

Thank you guys. I'm both nervous about finding a new therapist and kind of excited at the prospect of eventually finding a therapist, who will be totally removed from my situation, and who I -might- feel like I can be totally open with, about so many things I felt too uncomfortable to talk about with my old therapist.

In the meantime, I've been thinking of trying to branch out some, and maybe go to some more support groups, and other things like that, in the area? Maybe that will help me deal with the gap in therapy by giving some more IRL, face to face support from people.

 

[somerandomguy]

I've been thinking of trying to branch out some, and maybe go to some more support groups, and other things like that, in the area?

Fantastic!! Great idea!