My abuser contacted my therapist - considering seeing a new therapist

[CatInTree]

Sweetleaf did post the email. I think

I would like to cancel my future appointments, and I would like to try seeking therapy from someone who has absolutely nothing to do with the situation, and is completely removed from having anything at all to do with [abuser's name] in any way, shape or form.

is clear.

Unethical Ts attempting to talk their way out of being fired is not unheard of. It's just another huge red flag.

 

[ButterflyBean]

@Sweetleaf and @CatInTree my apologies for overlooking the above post. In that case, I would absolutely block all opportunities for future contact. Change your phone number and email if needed. Depending on her licensing body, this is the reportable incident. Best of luck!

 

[EveHarrington]

I still think it was a bad decision for her to take you on as a client given that she already had a professional relationship with your abuser. This tells me that she is 100% clueless when it comes to the idea of safety (as most people who haven’t been abused or traumatized are....the whole “safety is a locked door” concept). Knowing your abuser as a former client means that the critical element of safety and trust could have never happened with her. Shame on her! She should have known better. She should have referred you to someone who could have provided you a sense of safety!

I say report her ass for the confidentiality violations AND say that it’s a sensitive issue because he is your abuser whom you still fear.

 

[Angrylittlebird]

I’ve never regretted trusting my gut. I’ve almost always regretted NOT trusting my gut. Bottom line: you don’t owe her any explanation. If you drop her an email or message explains you won’t be seeing her for a while, that would be a courtesy on your part. Simple.

 

[Sweetleaf]

This tells me that she is 100% clueless when it comes to the idea of safety (as most people who haven’t been abused or traumatized are....the whole “safety is a locked door” concept).

Ugh, yes CLUELESS is the perfect description of her handling of me, and her understanding of those unsafe feelings I was having, if she thought reading one of his emails to her would make me stop worrying...

I say report her ass for the confidentiality violations AND say that it’s a sensitive issue because he is your abuser whom you still fear.

I am going to -try- to talk about it with my new t/pdoc today.
I just don't want to report her, if it's going to alert my abuser that it happened. That is way too unsafe, that's like, maybe even going to encourage him to try f*cking with me more, or some shit. I also just, don't want him to know that he got to me.
It's scary to think about.

I really f*cking despise how my fear of him prevents me from doing pretty much anything about his shit. Can't report my old t because I'm afraid of him. Can't do a police report on him because I'm too afraid of him. He just gets to be a f*ckass and there is no

Having the nervousness build up from the anticipation of that appointment so, not really able to type much right now.
Having the anxiety chest pains starting to roll in. Uugh.

I want to respond to some of the others who posted, because you made some good points, but - I'll drop in and say stuff after the appointment today, or try to. I want to see what she has to say about reporting my old t, and just what she has to say about that whole situation.

Thank you all for the support and advice and everything. This thread has been a big help to me in dealing with this situation

if she thought reading one of his emails to her would make me stop worrying

if she thought reading one of his emails to me*

lmfao. How did I even f*ck up english that bad? Referring to myself in the 3rd person.

 

[Justmehere]

I just don't want to report her, if it's going to alert my abuser that it happened. That is way too unsafe, that's like, maybe even going to encourage him to try f*cking with me more, or some shit. I also just, don't want him to know that he got to me.
It's scary to think about.

I’d check the laws in your area with how reports are handled against therapists in terms of confidentiality. In my state, a report I would make about a therapist breaching privacy regulations would be kept private. If she was held accountable, that would be public info, but not my info. My confidential status as past client of hers shouldn’t / wouldn’t be released to other clients.

In this situation, because she breeched his privacy (in a manner that f*cked up your therapy), he may be notified of the breech and that it was to another client.

But in order to protect your privacy, he shouldn’t be able to find out from her that you are even a client....

That being said, I wouldn’t trust her a bit to not keep breaching privacy. :/

It’s a real double bind you are in where the person who was supposed to protect you let in the abuser into your life again. It makes sense this is really hard and I’m super glad you are reaching out to your pdoc about it.

Try to not feel pressured to report or not report. You now get to take your power back and choose if you will or will not report. You likely have time (anywhere from 1-6 months) to decide to report or not as well.

And there is a certain power in choosing to just walk away and say enough.

I’d personally be quite twisted up about it if this happened to me, because reporting her totally illegal behavior would hopefully lead to some justice but could also lead to action taken but the regulatory agency to defend the damn abuser’s right to privacy.

Which is why it’s particularly f*cked up what she did!

I’m so sorry you are in this bind.

For what it’s worth, you have been working through this really amazingly well given the circumstances, and I think you should be proud of the good work you have done to claim your rights and safety from this idiot therapist and to get away from your father’s manipulative tatics and those who fall for them.

My own father sent emails to my school, my therapist, and others, long after everyone knew I had no contact with him, he even said so too ... ugh... Most of those he contacted, didn’t tell me. Now I see the wisdom in that. They understoood the need to set and keep their own boundaries with him.

:hug:s

 

[Mee]

Sweetleaf;

I am so impressed.

So,so impressed.

Paranoia after such betrayal ? Well, what has shown you different? I empathise.

I am so mad on your behalf. .

 

[Sweetleaf]

away from your father’s manipulative tatics and those who fall for them.

The specific abuser here is my psycho ex, my father (who did subject me to sexual abuse as a kid, and was just a shit father and an alcoholic) trying to contact me, just makes me laugh at how pathetic he is, and feel satisfied that he feels so bad about the fact neither of his kids will communicate with him. It's a real "BAAAAHAHA! LOSER!!!" thing for me. Lol.

In regards to the appointment:

Well, I don't really know what to think. Apparently I still will be seeing my pdoc for meds? And yet this new pdoc/emdr-giver person wants to put me on meds as well? So it kind of feels like I have two cooks in the kitchen - though I think they will sort it out and go with one of them only, tbh. They're going to talk together before prescribing any of it (which kinda sucks because I'd really love some anxiety relief like right now lmao). I don't really like any lag in the process so I wouldn't mind having like, -just- one person handling my meds, whoever it is.

She wants to give me prazosin for nightmares and propanolol for anxiety.

I am kind of like "hmm..." about that, not sure what to think. Like, I said I want to try them - I just am wondering how/if/how much they will change things for me. It would be great if that shit works but I'm a bit nervous to be trying new meds. I don't like the thought of trying a new medication and maybe winding up with negative side effects going on, like when I had my bupropion dose increased. (that was f*cking horribad, I was a total mess till it got out of my system)

I'm not going to let one bad experience stop me from trying other medications, I am just going to go into it with that possibility in mind and hope it doesn't go poorly. Still makes me nervous lmao.

But, she has to talk it over with my uhh.. other pdoc first? Lol. See what I mean? Confusing. Too many cooks in the kitchen. I would rather see just one of them for psych meds. I don't care which lmao (I do like the original pdoc though). Just one of them, rather than two of them.

This person is definitely better than my old T - I will say that. I don't really know what to think of her though. She did shit that my old t never did but -totally- should have. e.g. offering me the hand buzzers just to hold while I'm talking, doing slow pulsing, to help me have an easier time of it, which worked. She also reassured me that we would work on stuff and not just lollygag about it, like my last T did. It was really annoying to have a bunch of EMDR targets, and a T who would prefer to talk about shit instead.

She seems to definitely know her shit better. She totally understands PTSD better, way better than my old T, which is great. It's kinda funny to see the difference in regards to that. Also refreshing. The further I get from my old T, the more I see that she was just shitty.

She didn't really have any help to offer in regards to reporting my old T. That's okay. I think she's too green in regards to that sort of stuff - I think I will bring it up at the next trauma yoga session, because the people there seem to have better knowledge of such things.

I am also realizing just how hard it is to start opening up to a new care person. Lmao. Like holy shit. I feel like the experience with my old t, has also made me have a -much- harder time opening up and feeling trust/safety - because I have never had this much trouble with that stuff before. That is actually pretty shitty but I hope it goes away and I start feeling safe with her and start being able to open up more. It's much more pronounced than how I felt when I first started seeing any of my other mental health care people, and I know it's not like, anything wrong with her that is causing it.

Sorry, wanted to reply a bit more to the above posts. I am f*cking -tired- right now lmao. Physically and mentally, though not so much sleepily.

I’d check the laws in your area with how reports are handled against therapists in terms of confidentiality.

That is a good suggestion - one thing I have thought about though:

What if this was actually like, part of his meta-play? Like, what if he sent that, in hopes she read it to me, in hopes that I would report her? That kinda seems like it's a little too farfetched, maybe, but, I don't know. I think that sounds too paranoid.

He does hate her though. So, I know he would get enjoyment if he were to find out she was in hot water over reading one of his emails to me.

I feel like a crazy person, with this f*cking like paranoid ass thinking.

Try to not feel pressured to report or not report. You now get to take your power back and choose if you will or will not report. You likely have time (anywhere from 1-6 months) to decide to report or not as well.

I should probably just wait so as to lower the chances of stirring my own pot and increasing my stress. Maybe this would be another one of those "best to just leave it alone" things.

But I am kind of upset at what she did, and it really has f*cked with me, and I really hate the thought she can just go on to suck at being a therapist.

My own father sent emails to my school, my therapist, and others, long after everyone knew I had no contact with him, he even said so too ... ugh... Most of those he contacted, didn’t tell me. Now I see the wisdom in that. They understoood the need to set and keep their own boundaries with him.

That really sucks, but I am glad that most of them didn't tell you. I would hate to have my abuser try to contact me so much - I am glad I have a restraining order that forces him to have to do shit like manipulate my T to get to me, rather than just directly bombard me with his shit.

My own father doesn't even know how to contact me. He doesn't even remember my age. He just tries to contact me through my sister, who never replies to him either, lmao.

Paranoia after such betrayal ? Well, what has shown you different? I empathise.

True. I've only had 1 therapist and she totally sucked and screwed me over, and completely failed me.
That's my entire set of experiences with therapy, aside from the one appointment I've had with this new person.

 

[littleoc]

(You don't sound crazy. You've been through crap. :hug: )