My Best Friend...

[Shumsky]

I'm starting to think that my best friend also has PTSD. I was diagnosed in November 2013, he is not diagnosed but he is definitely showing some of the symptoms that I have.
Dommie was raped by his ex boyfriend last summer. Since then he has been having nightmares, panic attacks, delusions and it sounds like he is describing flashbacks as well. He is on two anti-psychotic medications that seem to help a bit but other than that, he is a train wreck most of the time. He has been in my care now for about a month and my boyfriend and I aren't sure how to help him sometimes. About four weeks ago he attempted suicide and I decided he should come live with us so he can be supervised all the time and always have people to talk to if he needs it. Dommie is really clingy, and shares a bed with my boyfriend and I. I don't really see this as much of an issue honestly, and considering that my boyfriend is now sleeping in the same bed as a gay male, he is reacting very well to it and seems okay with it as well... but is this behaviour okay? Should we be allowing him to do this? I love Dommie so much, but sometimes I feel like my boyfriend and I are in over our heads with some of the things he does. He can never be alone, wherever I go or Kas goes he has to be following one of us. I'm not trying to sound angry with him, I'm not, I'm just very concerned. Is it okay for him to be this clingy or should I set stronger boundaries with him? He's not being selfish or disrespectful of my needs or Kas's needs either, he is just very needy and clingy and always has to be with us. Does anyone have any idea what we should do? Thank you :)

 

[Friday]

Hard lesson in my own life: When I'm out of my depth, I need to call in professionals.

Since he's not in crisis mode at the moment (911 not needed), I would start looking into either an inpatient facility, or intensive outpatient facility with your friend. Both often have wait lists, or you have to jump through a million hoops as far as insurance or scholarships/grants... So the sooner, the better.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think that you could start drawing some lines and boundrys. Needy and clingy people are very hard to deal with and I think he needs to be weaned off as what he is doing is not healthy, for him or for you and your boyfriend.

He needs to be in therapy and get help. He sounds very dependent on the both of you and that is not good.

I know you want to help him but encouraging him to become more independent is a start. He sounds very comfortable but I am concerned for you and for your boyfriend.

He also needs to sleep on the couch in my opinion. It seems like everything is revolving around him and what he needs is to get real help and stop depending on the both of you.

I agree with FridayJones that he needs to be in the hospital right now to deal with his issues and get on some kind of medication to stabilize him. He needs so much help and I fear he will wear you guys out. I wish you the very best in getting him into some kind of real help. He has to want it for himself and not just depend on you guys.

 

[Mystery]

I absolutely agree with what FridayJones and Gizmo are suggesting. It's really great that your friend has two such supportive friends in his life and he obviously needs that support but he also has to learn to get what he needs in a way that is healthier for his own sense of autonomy. You guys are just the right people to guide him into this understanding and hold his hand to get professional help and be there to support him while he does it.

 

[Shumsky]

Sorry it has taken me so long to respond to this thread. Thank you for the replies, everyone. I really appreciate it.
I will give a bit of an update- at the beginning of August, Dommie moved back in with his mom. We didn't kick him out or anything, his mom just felt that he was getting to be a problem for us and decided that the best thing would be for him to come home.
He has been seeing a therapist regularly and he had some of his medications changed and that all really seems to be helping him. He's doing a lot better. He still comes over here almost every day, but it's different and easier now that he isn't living here full time.
He also has chosen to identify as female now, gender identity was an issue (s)he was struggling with before. She seems a lot happier identifying as a woman instead so that has been helping.
So I just wanted to give an update about how Dommie has been doing, and to thank you guys for reading and replying :)