My "Blackout". Anyone Experience This?

[wildfirewildone]

:eek:Last Monday evening a very scary thing happened to me! I had left my psychodoc's (Psychiatrist"s) office after dark. I remember that I made a turn on the road through an intersection. Before I finished it I "blanked out" (that's the only thing I can call it) . When I became aware again I was going down a steep hill with scary trees along the ridges. And it was very dark. I knew the that there was no such hill on my regular and only route back to the main Highway. A sense of PANIC set in! I went up the other side of the dip between two hills. There's another car right behind me and I'm trying to think of what to do next and real fast! So I passed several streets,then decided to turn on the next one to the right so I could turn around in someone's driveway.

I intended to try and go back down that hill and back up on the same road and hopefully I would get back to the spot where I went awry. Great plan I thought. I remember turning into the second drive on the left. Then "blacked" out again and never got back to those hills or road ever! I found my self driving down residential streets with houses set a bit back from the road and poorly lit. So I drove and drove trying (while in a continuing panic) to figure out what I was going to do to get out of this predicament. My first thought was to see if some one was walking near the road or crossing it so I could ask directions. I nixed that right away as I didn't feel I'd be safe talking to a stranger. ( I think I've watched too many "CRIMINAL MINDS tv shows) (here in USA) I also nixed going up to someone's house to ask for directions. ( Fearing as suggested by the shows, that I'd become the victim of a mass murderer who'd torture me for several days in unspeakable ways then kill and dismember my body which would be left all over along some dark road) At that point there didn't seem to be any other options (I find it hard to think of solutions when I'm in a PANIC!)

After passing through several stops signs (of course after stopping) I briefly entertained the thought of speeding through the streets and to hopefully attract the attention of the police. Bad idea as I'd get a big expensive ticket! So I stopped and did some deep breathing as I figured if I didn't get calmer I'd not be able to figure out a plan that might work. Then things started to go right. I found a road route sign that said EAST on it so I went the opposite way as HOME was WEST . I finally came across a gas station that had a woman attendant (less chance of a sexual sadist I thought!) I went in and was able to get her to call my psychodoc's nurse's number so I could ask her what to do. No luck as I kept clicking off the phone I think with my chin, so after the the 4th try I was too embarrassed to ask again. Then it dawned on me to ask her if she knew where the main highway that I needed to get on, was located. She gave me two simple directions. As I left the gas station my anxiety started to rise. I was fearing that I'd black out again and up driving and driving into the Twilight Zone and never be heard from again. But I pushed down enough anxiety so I could follow her directions. I ended up getting back home with out getting a blackout so that was that. I'm still not sure where it was that I got on the highway.....but that's not important now. I've had "blackouts" like this years ago but only in the daylight. This was the first (and hopefully the only) one after dark. Has anyone experienced " blackouts" like these? What did you do?

 

[Pixie]

Hi Wildfire

I've had blackouts but certainly not to the extent of these that you experienced on Monday evening and they are scary enough without waking up at night and not having a clue of where you are! I'm so sorry honey as that must have been terrifying!

I can't remember, but are you DID?

Rell

 

[anni]

Hi Wildfire,

I can honestly say I've certainly found myself at places on the road and no recollection at all of the intervervening moments. It's fortunately never happened on a freakishly spooky dark night with the right freakishly spooky spooky road to further enhance the anxiety! Whoa- that must have been AWFUL for you! I have to say that this sort of thing has happened to me a number of times over the years, but have been 'lucky' enough to have it occur in daylight, on an interstate or really public road. I guess one's subconscious must be driving, because had it been a true blackout with all the systems down we'd have driven straight into the nearest tree. It's REALLY upsetting, isn't it? I do know I genuinely felt as if I must be losing my mind-for real.

What did I do? There's nothing I did at the time, beyond resolving to dissalow a reaccurance. I had no idea on the planet how to even manage that, except to really address the PTSD. At least I was aware enough to realise that the wiring in my head must be even more in need of readjustment than I knew. My therapist at the time had me practice awareness, as simple as that sounds, and I still 'do it' when driving today. Just being conscious of every moment helps an awful lot, as in 'I'm putting on my seat belt, I'm starting the car, the air is cold, there's a blue car behind me,' etc.

I really hate to sound overly simplistic and hence unhelpful. It's just that I've had your experience with not knowing how on earth I got to a point in the road, and it's indescribably scary. I've been lucky enough to stay aware for quite awhile now and so far haven't lost track of one single inch, so am assuming my therapist's recommendations were correct. I'm really sorry it happened to you the way it did- I also watch way too much of those programs sometimes. We probably shouldn't-we don't need any help freaking out. :)

Hope you're feeling better, and take care,

Anni

 

[rjtransient]

Hi Wildfire,

Honestly, the awareness techniques Anni mentioned and your ability to push back the anxiety seem to be good ways of handling this. It's a terrifying situation. That can't be understated. Personally, I ended up buying a GPS. It was worth every penny.

Yes, this has happened to me, although I'm not sure if I actually "blacked out" or lost consciousness. I was driving along a strange road at night trying to orient myself to the university, and I started to space out and had to pull over into a parking lot and lock all the doors. All I really remember afterward was that I ended up twenty miles away in Fergus, on a long country highway in the middle of nowhere with cars speeding around me. I tried to get myself to pay attention: 'I will get through this and in a few hours I will be home, I just passed an auto repair shop on the left, that sign says I'm on Highway 60; just breathe. The next goal is to find a place to stop.' It kept me focused on the moment so I didn't completely lose it.

I found a Tim Hortons and asked for directions. The woman behind the counter was blind, and I couldn't make sense of her answer.

I completely understand not wanting to stop at a house to ask for directions. It's a little risky, and we're already frightened and probably not completely coherent. ("So which road did you come down?" "Uh. . . I couldn't tell you. . .")

The most disorienting was finding myself on a strange road at night in the fog, and finally turning onto a familiar street where I used to go biking, only to find that the street dead-ended with a huge coil of wire and a U-turn sign. (It later turned out that over the summer, city workers had broken up the pavement and gotten rid of that side road entirely.) It was past midnight. I had the radio on and I was talking myself through it. Awareness techniques do help.

In addition to recently buying a GPS, I also carry a map and my cell phone with me everywhere. It really helps to have someone to call up who can talk you through this. Plan in advance. I'm so sorry to hear that you guys have had this kind of experience. As Pixie said, it's bad enough to wake up and not know where you are. When you're behind the wheel, it's much more frightening.

 

[Grainne]

Wow...that sounds so scary!! I occasionally have moments when driving when I will, all of a sudden, have no idea where I am or which direction I'm headed in. I'll be on a familiar road with familiar things surrounding me and I'll recognize everything...just won't be able to place it. Really disorienting, but nothing half as severe as what you faced. I can't imagine what I would have done.

I'm going to second RJ's GPS idea. My husband is on the hunt for a decent one for me so whenever I get lost, (in my mind) I'll be able to reference the map.

I hope that NEVER happens again. Well done finding your way through all the panic!!!
Grainne

 

[Perspective11]

This has happened to me numerous times, but I walk everywhere, which is usually when it happens... sometimes when I'm on the bus after a meeting with my counselor or dr... its scary, I lose track of hours and has gotten to the point I've needed to call someone a few times to know who I am, where I'm going, where I live, etc.

 

[anni]

Wow. You know, I tend to log in here on a regular basis because I realize I require 'grounding' with this stupid PTSD thing. Not the New Agey stuff, I mean being able to connect with the 'real world'. It gives me some positive momentum to be able to check in here and figure out that I'm not alone navigating the world with this wooden leg (personal PTSD analogy). There are of course other obvious perks to belonging here, but that is probably the main reason I value being here.( Yes, I SHOULD be healing, feel that is going forward, but seem to be stuck in the 'avoidance' dynamic.)

For some reason it's just hugely helpful to relate exactly to other's experiences. Not to become poetic ( and sorry in advance! ) but plugging in with others who have the same inexpicable moments makes this PTSD journey a lot less like traveling one of those dark, foggy roads with no GPS. :) Thanks for these posts, at any rate.

I warned you that would be hokey. :)

Anni

 

[wildfirewildone]

Thanks for your reply. I am not diagnosed with DID. I have the diagnosis "only" of CPTSD or Complex PTSD. I really needed some one's empathy and your post met that need.


Wildfirewildone

 

[wildfirewildone]

Practicing Awareness-Great Idea

:wink:anni I appreciate you reminding me about the Awareness Technique! I've used them in the distant past to handle panic attacks and hallucinations and this worked well. Once my van gets fixed I intend to practice it and so if I ever have a blackout again that technique will rise above the panic! I can't afford to get a GPS right now. Maybe, I'll put it on my Mother's Day gift list and my son will get it for me.

 

[DontGiveUpOnMe]

Never to this extent, I would "black out" for a few min. Then I came back and just would be completely confounded....didnt know the day, my name...nothing. I eventually snap back though. This post was very intense, I am very glad to hear you arrived home safely!

 

[sonickel77]

What are these things like blackouts? I used to get them all the time between ages 10-13 or so. Sometimes I'd be playing the piano while it was happening, then come to, not knowing if I'd finished the piece or not! Very confusing indeed.

 

[Lucky Laser]

Wow wildfire, scary experience! Did anything traumatic happen before that blackout? I've had moments where I'm driving home and not thinking, and suddenly realize that I don't remember making a certain turn or crossing a certain intersection, but nothing scary. After I got into a car accident my Dad came to pick me up and I don't remember most of the ride home with him. I was surprised when we were pulling into the driveway! I don't know what would have happened if I'd tried to drive immediately after that, but my brain definitely had a reason to be confused that night.

Sonickel77, at that age, I wonder about absence seizures. Have you ever heard of those? I had them until I was about 7 years old and time would jump ahead 30 seconds during one. If I was alone, I'd never know it happened, but others observed it and the description from others seeing you do it is what will really help tell you what they are.