My Child Is Having Difficulty In School

[vandylocks]

Happy Mother's Day!

I spent most of my day crafting a 3 page letter to my son's principal, explaining that my child has an invisible illness called Secondary Post Traumatic Stress due to his father's military service to his country. Although I have had several conversations with his teacher and principal over the year nothing has changed. Although they have spoken with our family social worker, nothing has changed. It’s obvious to me the school does not know how complex this issue of PTSD is. Recently, I have gotten the distinct feeling they just don’t care or have time for my son.

You see, for the better part of this school year, my son has felt like his is being picked on not only by his classmates but by his teacher. He have been singled out in class and berated for not having his work done or for taking too long to do his work, and scolded for losing school books that were actually in another student’s desk.

My family is not perfect by far. We have problems due to the PTSD we are trying to overcome. But what we don’t need is added stress from a school that appears uninterested in truly helping.

His teacher and school are concerned with work production for assessment purposes instead of the overall health of my child. He misses one day a week to attend counselling sponsored by Veteran Affairs Canada to help him cope and understand how his father’s PTSD affects him and what he can do to get healthy and strong. However most of these sessions are consumed with my son’s perceived mistreatment by his teacher, and we are not delving into the root causes of his Secondary PTSD. We haven’t even talked about his nightmares about dying and war or his feelings of sadness and anxiety.

The school wants us to move these sessions to accommodate his teacher. Although, they say changing the time of his therapy sessions would provide consistency, I argue that the year has been very consistent. My son cannot and does not attend school on Tuesdays so modify his class work to reflect this. Instead of asking a sick family trying not being swallowed up by PTSD to make changes.

So I have had enough. I will be homeschooling him for the rest of the school year. As his emotional wellbeing is my primary concern.

I have decided that I am done with being nice, and done trying to resolve the issues on a school level. It’s time to go to the school district.

 

[Jline]

Hi vandylocks. Home school is fine but make sure your child still has socialization with other kids his age. Childhood is hard enough without PTSD, I feel for you and your family.

 

[Still Trying]

Vandylocks,

I'm so sorry your son and family are struggling so much with both PTSD and the school system. I'm a teacher, and unfortunately I know that while schools can sometimes be the wonderful helps, they can also make everything incredibly difficult, as well. In the US, many cities have advocacy groups that help families deal with this kind of issue. They facilitate communication and help design education plans. I'm not sure the best way to find them, but I would hope your counselor or social worker might have some ideas on how to contact them. It might be worth checking into.

I noticed you said your son missed one day of school per week for counseling. I've found it very frustrating trying to work and get counseling. It's a no-win situation. Counselors seem to work only during school hours. Counseling makes it possible to work, but I have to work to pay for counseling. I hope home schooling can help your son learn both how to cope with the PTSD and the skills he needs. Hopefully it can provide the stability and continuity he needs. We have reading program for high school students who are reading significantly below grade level. Literally every student in the program has missed a lot of school, usually a day at a time once every week or two. By the time they reach 9th grade, many have missed the equivalent of an entire year of school, a day at a time. Those gaps start adding up after a few years. Their peers pick up on that, too, and make it even harder.

I don't want you think I'm judging you for choosing to home school. It doesn't sound like the counselor and school have left you much choice. But, please do keep up with the schooling, because those gaps can cause so many more problems later on.

 

[AmyO]

Vandylocks,

I feel your pain so acutely it hurts. I know the frustration of trying to get them to understand what they could be doing to make it worse. I am going through the same issue with my youngest and his school to the point that just today I reported the principal to Child Protective services for leaving marks repeatedly on my son from "restraining" him.

I am working with the state because that is where his counselor is and I told them they have one day after the report gets investigated and if my son gets triggered in any way he is out of there. I did find out though that (in the US) that they are by law supposed to provide free and adequate education for all children. If the school system can't, or won't make concessions for emotional disability they are the ones that have to pay for alternate schooling. I hope the best for your little guy and your whole family. You are in my thoughts and if you need to talk feel free to pm me. As I have also declared war on the school system. Cheers to another Admiral in an ongoing battle for recognition of the broken kids of abuse, war, and other trauma.

 

[Brontie]

Welcome! vandylocks,


Sorry to hear about your difficulties.
School is tough enough without having to deal with the powers that be.
I hope you find it helpful being here.

 

[enoughisenough]

I totally understand. My child can't deal with her PTSD in therapy and I can't deal with my secondary PTSD in therapy cause we are constantly day and night (seriously I get no sleep now) dealing with the screw ups her school is causing which are causing her to have mental breakdowns twice a week when she never did before.

My child is 9 and has had PTSD since she was 5 from sexual abuse. I love her very much and am a pro-active parent. I am disabled myself with several things. I also have PTSD and secondary PTSD. She didn't have much trouble in school and actually loved and excelled at school from Kindergarten through second grade. Then in the third grade we moved and she started having trouble.

Now she and I are both having trouble with the second school we've tried since starting the third grade. They are disorganized and have many communication problems. I have had many meetings with them as well as phone calls and emails. My daughter continues to get straight As but the teacher says she has problems with her everyday. I have proof the teacher has been lying on more than one occasion but the principal doesn't care.

My daughter is getting triggered there daily. She doesn't feel safe or protected by the teacher, counselors or principal. I have considered homeschooling. I don't know how I can with my disabilities. I hate how she loves and wants to go to school and is gifted and excels and is social and it has come to this because they can't do the simplest of things.

Now today she tells her teacher that she wants to die. She tells me she only feels that way at school. Should I move us? Should I homeschool? The school won't listen. They take everything you say and mess it up and make things even worse. It's ridiculous. I did not have problems with her first school.

I did not have problems with her second school after we moved (but it was private and she didn't like the different way they taught there and preferred public school and since I couldn't afford it but thought she would prefer it there because she excelled so well, we switched back to public-which she liked until they started screwing things up).

Her teacher calls her a liar when she is with proof not lying. Her teacher tells her to stop fake crying when she gets upset. She has never faked cried. The teacher told me this and then denied it when we were in front of the principal. The teacher can't write understandably when she emails me.

A different teacher tells her that boys can't be trusted and they are all mean and never be around them. This triggers her and she gets upset and cries and says she needs to call home. So they send her to the counselor's office who tells her to go back to class and kids aren't allowed to call home. Kids push her down and beat her up at recess. She tells the teacher who does nothing. She tells the counselor who does nothing. No one tells me till weeks later.

This kind of stuff and more goes on every single day. It's ridiculous! Help!

 

[Rumors]

Just wondering, but what does your son want to do? I think as a parent it is our instinct to protect our kids to the fullest extent of our powers which sometimes leads us to forget to ask our kids how they feel. Maybe he is ok with changing days? I don't know but I sure would get a feel for what he thinks about home school!!

This I would bet money on, you will rock as his teacher! Wish everyone were as eager to care for their kids! Good luck!

 

[sarahndipity]

Vandylocks,

Your letter might fall on deaf ears because the teacher and principal might not even begin to understand what you and your son are going through. Then you'll be more angry or frustrated. I don't think the letter is worth the pain it will cause you. Trust me, I know. As a teacher I know there are people in my building, principal included, who do not understand my pain from PTSD. I can't dwell on it, otherwise I'll go mad.

I do like your suggestion about modifying homework. If that is all it will take, find a school district official who will listen. But again, I have to warn you, this might take awhile. I am still looking for support in my school district when a student at my school assaulted me to cause my PTSD.

But don't give up, Someone will be on your side. I am. If I were your son's teacher we wouldn't be having this type of conversation. I already would have accommodated your son, BEFORE I was diagnosed.

Best of luck!

 

[discarded]

I am just now starting to see the affects of my husband's PTSD (military) on our children. We have 3 adult children and 1 still in primary school. The older ones are doing ok as they have not lived at home for most of the time since his PTSD was diagnosed. As for the younger one, she is feeling very much unloved by her father, especially since we separated 5 months ago and he has not really bothered to see her very often. I feel the overall affect has been more on her social side than school performance. She finds it difficult to relate to other kids from stable homes and avoids out of school social events, for example birthday parties.

Fortunately schools here in Australia have a Defence Aid in areas of heavy military presence that are able to help. I am not sure how many kids are affected, I haven't heard anything about the affects on children here in Australia. No doubt there are many who are not coping but governments tend not to want those figures to widely known.

I hope home schooling works for you. It is very disappointing that the staff at the schools your child has attended have not been at all supportive. You really should complain to the education department where you are.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I really feel for any parent going through this with their school system. We had a program called Ries where my children as teenagers went to school for an hour a week and did the homework for the week at home.

My son went to it and graduated valedictorian of his class. My daughter went back to regular high school and dropped out due to a problem with a boy. Later on she graduated night school and got her ged.

I say go for the homeschooling. Kids that are homeschooled are pretty bright and ahead of other kids. They will need activities with other kids though for their socialization.

I am sorry you are going through the pain of this ugly situation and I am sorry that it is so hard and they are being so uncooperative with you.

I wish you the best in all of this. I hope your kids do alot better. My kids have ptsd and it has not been easy.

 

[anthony]

People are responding to a two year old thread. Maybe looking at post dates may help!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Yup is my face red. I did it again. I saw that no one had responded. Thanks for the heads up.