My Family Hates My Ptsd Husband

[Kenze]

It has been about 2 months now since my military husband asked me for a separation. He mentioned being unhappy and needing his space to "find himself". My family have been there for me throughout the ordeal of me having sleepless nights and nonstop crying. My family is furious at my husband because they feel that the way he went about the separation was wrong. They feel that a man should never leave his wife and baby even if they have PTSD. I'm torn. I empathize with what my husband is going through but I'm soo hurt that my family hates my husband and told me that he would never be welcomed in their homes again if me and my husband reconcile in the future. I understand my family is trying to be protective of me but it's my life and marriage. I just wished that they were there for me and not so judgmental because it's not their marriage but mines.

 

[anthony]

Sorry to hear... unfortunately family tend to take the side of their own in these situations, and I agree with you completely, they shouldn't take sides. There is no need to take a side when what they need to do is simply support you. It places you in a position that basically if you do reconcile, then it will tear you away from your family as a result, as you then have to choose between them and your husband. It isn't a fair strategy for family to do IMO... and maybe you need to tell them just that. Maybe they can calm down and see that if you do reconcile, they will lose you and your baby as a result of their own actions, as you will have to choose yourself. Nobody is going to win from that situation, and they need to understand that, as you do already.

 

[shimmerz]

I am torn on this one - or in conflict. I would have loved to have had a family to stand up to one of my two abusive ex's for me but they had long since died. I float back and forth with these 'family protective things' because I would love to have this but never did so can't say I know how it feels.

I like the idea of you being able to go to your family and ask for support - not their own personal rallying for an agenda that is not yours.

 

[Kenze]

Yeah. It's hard to be torn between my family. I love and appreciate my family but they need to understand that it's my life and I want to be happy being supportive of my husband. He is the father to my child. He is not abusive. He is just going through PTSD and needs his space from me. I hope they change their mind in the future if my husband and I reconcile. I guess I'll see what happens a couple of months from now.

 

[Laurie McLaughlin]

It seems to me that your family is totally thinking they are doing the right thing by being supportive in the best way they know how.

And I totally understand your husband needing space to deal with his PTSD.

If I were in your situation, maybe when things cooled down a bit emotionally, I would talk to my family and teach them a bit about PTSD and how it works so that they are not so quick to judge your husband. From what I have learned, the more one learns about someone elses problem or situation, the more people can act with compassion and in my life, that has been done by helping people understand what the PTSD sufferer is really going through -

Obviously I am not in your shoes, so this idea might not work in your particular situation - but it has helped me.

Wishing that peace and harmony return back to your family -

Laurie