My father- again..

[Movingforward10]

Yeah, all those family dynamics are really really painful.
It sounds like you got pulled into the usual dynamics.

They will never change.
And trying to get them to change, or make other decisions , or to hear you, or to consider you, or to not blame you.....all you are doing by engaging in that is hurting yourself. As they are never ever going to.

The golden child is not going to give up their status.
They are always going to put you in the scapegoat box. Whatever you do.

Stepping out of the game is the way to go.
Don't justify yourself.
Don't get pulled into the dynamic.
Question them back. Put it on them. Get them to solve their problems.

I mean, in all honesty, what does weekly check in calls actually do?! Nothing. It's not as if they listen to you or keep anyone safe. It's just a method to bring you back in to the fold.

 

[KA60]

Thank you. I was educated in these dynamics in domestic violence treatment and family systems theory in psychotherapy. I reviewed scapegoat golden child and I think my brother may be quite bitter as the consequences of his role are playing out. He has my father one of his daughters is not married just a child via C section the incision is infected. The other daughter is married but I think needing financial assistance. Of the course he is doing this for the other daughter too. I am not responsible for the timing of all this. I call out my dad's driving cancelling his home health me needing a break setting boundaries so I am at fault. Don't care anymore. My dad has savings etc but I really want this for his care. I do not want any inheirtance nor expect any. Thank you for your support. My brother has no way to contact me. I blocked deleted his number and emptied my phones trash. My father's number on my husbands phone is blocked. He can't remember mine so yesterday he called my husband. I was really concerned but manipulating. I can call my father from my phone- but my agency. When I am hydrated rested not engaging with my dogs husband or something else. But.... I am considering no contact again with my dad. The stress from this is unacceptable. My husbands elderly mother- the sane mess is playing out. The youngest adult children and his son live with her in her house. My husbands father passed in September 2025. The youngest son hopes to buy the house but probably not realistic. He is self employed does not report his income has SUD- alcohol. Guess who is paying the bills? My husbands mother who has parkinisons non compliant with her meds is hallucinating. I listened not intrusive lyrics as his siblings discussed the unfairness of it all and how the house should be sold $ money split 4 ways. OK. My husbands mother may soon need assisted living or nursing home care. So the house will be sold for her care and then if it exists medicaid will step in. Also grandson just graduated from high school so if when this all falls apart this young man is at risk of homelessness. This crap is terrible.

 

[KA60]

Please if my posts about my father help anyone avoid the consequences of the transmission of transgenerational trauma then that is good. To do so is incredibly difficult and in my case it took me getting life threatening sick in a coma on a vent cardiopulmonary arrest to get help and learn about this shit. I am the scapegoat who got free . I am not a victim . But I will be forever at risk of being sucked down in this dynamic. People are ugly.

 

[KA60]

My father and brother narcissistic a

Holes of the poltical party of disordered minds.

 

[KA60]

Today this am I called my father from my phone. I wanted to. I watched observed any codependent thinking before I decided to aka you have too you are shamefully etc. I wanted to call him. He said he is ok. His home health provider was coming at 100pm to drive him to PT. Conversation 5 minutes. I was calm hydrated rested etc. I had already set the boundary that if my father brings up my brother I will say something to the effect of I cannot discuss that. I called to talk to you. My brothers number remains deleted. Not many family members left. Many live far apart from each other hurt by the transition of transgenerational never addressed..I have enough domestic violence treatment and trauma therapy to know this hard lesson..sometimes that is the healing for this. I really appreciate this community the support. Thank you.

 

[Muttly]

So he says what are you going to do just have fun?

I know this manipulation well. The manipulator thinks if they aren't having fun, no one else should. And they will do whatever they can to make you fell bad about it.

Live to forgive hard at this point with him.

Are you saying it's hard to forgive? If so, that's ok.

My other repeated error is seeing red flags of various traits of unsafe people not honoring my instincts in this case but waiting for facts.

I know this well. It takes a lot of time and effort to change this pattern. I am better, but I still struggle with it.

 

[KA60]

Another issue. My father again. My post is part political as my transgenerational trauma is linked to my families core beliefs. Their Christian core beliefs racism etc. Ok. I know I am responsible for some of this. My father has narcissistic traits. Is controlling. As a child my emotions- anger tears sadness were taboo. As was getting to root causes of my emotions. Everything was projected back onto me. I have been contacting the senators and congress members in my state- NM - advocating for repair of SSA. Trust fund is exhausted in 73 months. Per CBO report benefits will be cut 22% per month. I tell my dsd today I am tired upset about the UFC fighter horrible comment linking Jesus christ with Michelle Obama is a man. I did call 2 senators today. I told my dad this. He says there is nothing you can do. And that I have an anger problem I am allowing to eat me up. He said the UFC fight is just a way those people earn money. And if they cut SS people will die the govt won't let that happen OK. SNAP medicaid being cut . And a lot more. Both my parents voted for trump in 2016 2020 2024. My fathers core beliefs were evident in our talk. He is telling his daughter you are powerless worthless an emotional basket case everything is your fault etc. He is also telling me that he has the same core beliefs about himself. He is a Bully and a coward. Yes. My brother and father have narcissitic traits. I am not responsible for my father. I am halting calling him . Probably will decrease to weekly or every 10 tens. Any comments are appreciated. The US is in a sewer. I have no zero tolerance for the entertainment in streaming movies. The violence the doomsday movies etc. My husband is upset with me because I won't watch these with him. We'll here is an issue I just told him about with this. He always picks movies like this and if I used my agency for another type of film he would get bored and change it. The consequence? I would rather read books or diy home decor magazines listen to educational podcasts or psycho education podcasts. Listen to calming music or take a nap in bed with my husband and our dogs while he watches these movies. I told him yesterday I never had much agency in our movie selection so I just accepted this.