My Friends Perp Was Found Guilty And I'm Rattled

[Justmehere]

I am posting this here because it's really about my PTSD, and not so much that of my friend... but I supported a friend with PTSD this week who testified against their perp and I think it's rattled me quite a bit. I was there in what capacities I could be there for her. Gladly.

The perp was found guilty today. They had confessed to many people what they did... We celebrated the verdict today.

I went back to ordinary life after that. Then a substitute security guard at my apartment complex made sexually harassing comments - I reported his ass to an apologetic supervisor. They actually handled it very well.

The perp that hurt my friend actually had a job as a security guard while waiting for trial... a mind boggling reality... and it was just so weird for me to bump into a jerk of a security guard tonight, of all nights. I know the regular guard well, and he's super professional.

Then the most triggering type of person in my life pushed a boundary with me. A doctor. They emailed me after confirming that they knew I told them to stop emailing me and emailed about breaking another clearly communicated boundary of mine...

I typed back a reasonable response. Blocked them from ever being able to email me again.

I also screamed at my computer screen. "No means back off ..." and then (more than a) few swear words...

I can't seem to find a sense of being safe tonight. I am actually pretty darn safe, but I'm revved up and unnerved.

Any suggestions on how to work this all through? I'll see my therapist in a few days, so I'll have that support.

 

[Fadeaway]

:hug: I think sometimes once our minds realize we are safe and a huge stress is no longer a concern, our brains allow us to feel all the things it couldn't handle while the situation is going on. It's like, "ok, I don't have to be extra strong now, and that was really hard so now it's time to process." In other words, I think how you are reacting and the fact you are feeling unsafe even when you are safe, is very normal and even expected.

I think it is just a matter of letting your brain go through the motions and being aware that you brain is dealing with some stuff that had to be put on until that guilty verdict could come through.

Glad that guilty verdict went through, and great job standing firm and following through with your boundaries.

 

[Parley]

Whooop whoop~ for the guilty verdict but not surprised he was a security officer. A profiler once told me that aggressors like being cops and when they can't become one they become security guards because they like the control.

this is going to sound really strange but i'm on the incline after a couple weeks of fog and I do little things to keep me thinking and in the moments. I bush my teeth with the opposite hand. I walk backward down my hall because the window is there and I've got issues with my security. I exercise in the dark. I do things differently than I do normally because it gives me a sense of power and sometimes accomplishments.