Relationship My Husband Has PTSD And Has Found Another Girlfriend? Please Help

[zazazawa]

Hi! everyone.

My husband has severe PTSD from being in the car and watching his mother get crushed by a semi tipping over.

He screamed divorce to me about 4 months blaming everything on me and our marriage. He keeps going in between "just give me time to fix myself and ill be back. Don't worry!" to "i cant stand you and I want a divorce".

I'm so psychotic about this and haven't been able to leave him alone. I love him more than anything and I refuse to let this go since we got married 2 yrs ago, after the crash. Well about 3 weeks ago I started questioning him again (he hates that). and he said he is IN LOVE with another girl that they fell in love just a couple months ago since they used to work together. He wants me to let me go he said. The same time I was on the phone with him he started hysterically crying talking about how his mother asked him to "help her" right before she died. All he could do was cradle her head and body he said.

The reason for dating this other girl is because she doesn't bring the anger out in him like I do since he is very sick. He finally made an appointment with a psychologist and a psychiatrist for tomorrow. He wants a divorce but I do NOT want one. I miss him terribly and this is seriously killing me.I cant eat and hardly sleep. We were madly in love for 7 yrs and he just went off the deep end completely. He's very violent when I talk to him or get near him. He's destroyed my car, his car and walls in our house, but he is moved out now.

I love him so much and want him back so we can work on our problems. Of course after he gets help. My therapist that has known both of us for 8 yrs says to NOT divorce him and that LOVE with the other woman is pretty much just Infatuation. She thinks I should NOT contact him for up to a year and see if things change once he gets his mental help.

What do you think? Im going psycho and its so hard to let him go. He's my best friend, companion and lover. Please help with any advice.

 

[Ursa]

For the most part, PTSD is not an excuse to abuse other people. So, you should not understand as such and allow your husband to be abusive to you or your belongins.

About the divorce, this is a decision that needs to be done with cool heads. Him and also you. You need to weight your relationship in what it is now rather than in what you want it to be.

Remember to love yourself first.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I did respond to you in another post you started, so I will copy it here too....

You may not like what I have to say.....Your husband has PTSD....It's real, it's awful, and it hurts.......He has told you that he no longer wants to stay in the relationship with you, and whether it is him talking or the PTSD talking, you simply must back off. By trying to hold onto him, and contacting him, it only pushes him further and further away.....He is asking for space, give him that respect and give him his space....I know this isn't easy for you, and I can empathize with your situation, but having PTSD myself, when people don't respect my boundaries, and give me space I have asked for, then THEY pay the price, because I have clearly stated what I need......I usually just walk away from the relationship, because my needs are being ignored, for their own selfishness.....

As far as his anger/rage and destroying cars, and the walls in your home...His behavior is unacceptable. We have a saying here, "PTSD is never an excuse for bad behavior." But the damage is already done, and he has moved out....I am sorry that you are going through this, I really am, but please give him his space... If he comes back, then try to work on things, but until then, take care of yourself, and try to get on with your life......

 

[zazazawa]

Thanks everyone. Yes Shecat I got your reply in the last one. I just reposted it in the section I thought better suited it.

What do you'll think of this girlfriend thing? I found out a lot about this girl and she's a manipulative awful thing. She cheats on every guy she's with and she just tries to get things out of them. All the guys that worked with them together warned my husband to leave her alone cause shes bad news but he is so NAIVE.

We were each others first and only one so I think he's just awestruck that another girl shows interest in him. He says that he still loves me but he loves her too but says that he hasn't slept with her. He's going to get enormously hurt fooling with this sl** but I cant say anything especially to him. I want him to get better and come back soooo bad but do u think that's possible when he's "in love" with someone else even if they don't work out?

He tells me that he cant be around me right now cause I bring out his anger but he says that he will be back if he can get better but I dont know what to believe. I certainly want to give it more time before a divorce but the last time he talked to me he said he is getting one but now im leaving him alone (what he originally asked for) but he hasnt brought it up again. So im wondering if that means that he dosnt really want one cause hes done this to me about a dozen times. When hes upset he wants it over with and by the next day he doesnt. AAArrrgghh! :(

 

[Deleted member 541]

My opinion.....He is letting his PTSD rule him right now. He is out of control like many of here have been at one time or another. It isn't easy, and believe me, I know it isn't easy for you either. The issue is, right now, he seems NOT WILLING to work on HIS issue. You represent some of his issues right now, so he walked away, and hooked up with someone that he has been warned about. He KNOWS and has been told what this person does. But, he is with her for whatever reason.

I think he will continue to stay with her, until she either gets rid of him or the whole thing just falls apart between them....I think then and only then will he look back to you....

I know that isn't what you wanted to here....But unfortunately, for now this is how things are going to play out. You have to make a decision here....Do you want to wait for him to return, and possibly have this happen again and again when he can't seem to handle the stress of things, or are you going to put your foot down, say NO MORE, and go on with your life. He has made his bed, so let him lay in it...... Your choice, because right now, YOU are the one holding the ball in your court, because the day your husband walked out, the game went in YOUR favor. He lost the set, you still have control of the game. Now it's your move....