My Husband is Missing

[Nell]

Hello all, and thanks to whomever created this site. And please let me say that this should be on a recommended list for our miltary as they return from combat tours. My husband is missing. He has an 18 year Army career, with 2 tours to Iraq behind him. Retirement was on the horizon, and we were both looking forward to it.

He's suffered with ptsd since first tour, but it seemed to be quite mild. I'd encouraged him to seek some counselling, but he convinced me that he had things under control. He's only ever been a wonderful husband to me, we don't fight, and we completely enjoy one another's company.

Late October, he was given an Article 15 for being late to work. Sincerely, that was the inappropriate measure that was taken for his discilpline. This meant a strip of rank, and a severe cut in pay. It threw us into a financial crisis.. tho he'd not let on to me just how severe it was.

I believe that was when he 'snapped', for lack of a better word. I also believe that he's had a personality break. I am just so very lost and confused with this all. I'm trying so very hard to understand.

Can someone help me with how a dissociative personality can manifest itself without me being aware of that change? I need to know how best to help him when he is found, and that day is closing in on him. And how do I convince the authorities that this not someone who would toss away an 18 year career nor a loving and healthy relationship?

 

[Mina]

Hi, Nell,

I'm so sorry to read of what you and your husband are going through. I cannot imagine how hard your situation must be on you right now. I don't have any good advice, but I wanted to say welcome to the forum. There are some ex-military/LE personnel here...hopefully they can shed some light on your situation. Your husband is very lucky to have such a caring wife.

Have you yourself talked to a qualified therapist/psych professional about this, one who's dealt with PTSD and/or dissociative identity disorders? It might be a good place to get some explanations and recommendations on how to proceed.

Take care,
Mina

 

[fin]

Welcome Nell

I am so sorry to hear about your husband, and what you are going though at the moment.
There are, as Mina said some here that may be able to offer advice and there is a wealth of information available here also.
There is a carers chat here as well as the ptsd chat and there are others here that will be able to help, support and advise you
I am in agreement with Mina also about talking to a qualified psych. professional...am wondering if you have access through the forces medic or something like.

I am hoping that you are able to find the help that you and your husband need Nell.

Welcome Nell
~fin

 

[Ruth09]

I'd get a hold of your congressman, now. And find out what JAG has to say about the Article 15. And if he had been showing signs of PTSD at work, why THEY didn't recommend him for medical counseling. Eighteen year career soldiers just don't get Article 15's. They may have threatened him with a more servere punishment and he just signed off on the Article 15 to get them off his butt. If he did loose rank, there is more to the incident than just being "late to work".
Eighteen year career soldiers don't get Article 15's. They get letters in their files, but then its after a fight through JAG.

And again,...eighteen year career soldiers just don't go AWOL and walk away from their DUTY.

There is something SERIOUSLY wrong. And his Command is not telling you the whole story. Get a congressman and get him to help you look into this matter.

A member of Congress being digging his nose into the Chain of Command usually gets answers.

Ruth

 

[patrick]

Hi Nell,

Welcome to the forum. It's been a long time since I was in the military, but an Article 15 with reduction in grade sounds awfully extreme for being late for work, especially for someone with 18 years in the service. I wonder if there might be something else going on. If your husband has PTSD, you might try talking with somebody in mental health services, for your own support and to maybe see if you can find a way to help your husband get some help if he needs it. What you are going through shouldn't have to be done alone.

Pat

 

[epaklt]

Hi Nell,

I have PTSD and struggle with dissociation. I don't have dissociative identity disorder, and believe that you don't have to have DID to dissociate. It's something everyone can do at different times (often called day dreaming etc..) but I have had periods of dissociation lasting for weeks. I have been told that it is a way of coping with something that is overwhelming to the person and if you are inclined to, you can dissociate as a way of coping.

When I dissociate I can go through the day, doing 'normal' things but cannot tell you who I spoke to or where or what I did? Your husband (if he has dissociated) may also not be able to tell you these things. You may want to know, but do not be surprised if he can't answer your questions? He may even have his own questions, as I know it is very distressing. I could not understand how you can just "forget" a period of your life. It's not the same as not remembering what you had for dinner last week, it's the uncertainty of not knowing what you did, or said to people. I was always afraid that I did or said something to someone that might upset them.
When things come back to normal, I don't even realise that it has happened, and so it is like it never really happened. To everyone else, like yourself, it must seem like an eternity.

It is possible to suffer from a dissociative fugue state, that means you can just up and leave and go somewhere for no apparent reason you can even appear normal to others (even yourself). It is not something you did or didn't do, it is something that is not fully understood (I believe) as my doctor still can't tell me why I do it or what might trigger me to dissociate.

Good luck with finding your husband and just try and be there for each other when you do find him.

Keri

 

[midi]

Wow! How terrible. I hope you are able to find an advocate and find out what's really going on. The military is a mighty machine that does what it wants even to its own soldiers. May your husband return and get the help he needs.

 

[whitewillow312]

I'm so sorry about what your going through, and I'm sorry I cant be of much help. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

 

[notjustfriends]

My husband found me at home in a dissociative state and apparently I was acting like I was 14 (even clutching big bird, so perhaps younger?)... I do not recall any of this whatsoever and I am very fortunate (I went into the hospital).

I am so sorry about your husband, but I can relate... there is nothing he could have done to prevent it except perhaps seek help prior (HOWEVER I was seeking quite a bit of help and it still happened to me). My husband had no idea.

Even when I was in the hospital the doctors were doubtful that I had somehow lost my memory and continued on for about a day just as I was a regular person...

I hope he will be ok. I have taken a strong interest in the military and PTSD myself. While I respect our armed forces I really do think much more needs to be done in terms of PTSD help and diagnosis. May god be with you.

NJ