My Husband Just Told Me He's Leaving Me

[Deleted member 33052]

@Alice.in.Wonderland *Then go to town with that flower decoupaged baseball bat*

You just made my day. :)

 

[Deleted member 33052]

So, we have had a couple of good talks. He pretty much dragged out everything I've ever said to him that hurt his feelings. In every single case, it was something that triggered my abandonment issues. Unfortunately, when I'm in flight/fight mode, I fight. I fight like a cornered rat, because that's basically what I am. Now, finally, he understands.

Anyway, it's true that f*ck buddies isn't a good solution here, so today I told him that I am hiring a lawyer and letting him/her advocate for me. I have no sense of entitlement, and my brain feels muddled half the time, so I know I'm not capable of making wise decisions right now. I also told him that one of us has to leave, because this is too painful for me.

Now he's waffling. I get the feeling that this wasn't well thought out. I don't know if he was trying to scare me or if he really did/does want to leave, but he's not happy with my reaction. He says he's confused about his feelings now that he understands my side of our conflicts...

 

[atwistedfate]

I don't understand why he would do this to me now. I.Just.Don't.Understand.

I am so sorry kiddo I'm here for you

 

[Zanshin]

Do you truly feel that you want it to be over, or is it cognitive distortions reading into things too much right now because it's a high stress time?

If you're never had a serious discussion about your PTSD and what it means, this may have been a hell of a way for it to start... But can it help matters and let you both grow stronger from it as a couple? Or is it beyond hope because you're too hurt right now?

Maybe separate for the moment - even if it's different rooms - and talk things through before involving the expense and finality of lawyers?

I'm seeing hope that he wants to talk it through now. Absolutely horrid timing... But perhaps hope.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Well. After our long conversation today, he did some research - finally. He told me that he failed me as a supporter, and that he was truly sorry for that. He also admitted, with some difficulty, that he was self-absorbed and trivialized my suffering.

I don't know where we go from here, but at least he has gained some understanding...

 

[Zanshin]

I'm glad for him and you that he did that and made those admissions - and that you gave him the time to listen to him.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I feel like I can breathe again. And I still have one bottle of wine left! I don't know what the next few days or weeks will bring, but we have healed some of our pain, so that's a win. :)

I can't even begin to express my gratitude to all of you who have offered your support! For the first time in my life, I didn't feel like I had to watch my back, and, man, that was a good feeling!

((((((((((HUG))))))))))

 

[Deleted member 33052]

What goes up... sigh.

Does the fun ever end? Will I ever learn to enjoy the pain? Huge breakthrough yesterday. We spent the whole night talking and cuddling. Finally got to sleep around 6:00 AM. Then reality slapped me in the face, HARD! After our cloyingly sweet declarations of love, and our promises to honour the other's needs, I found out he had joined Plenty of Fish a month ago and had a lunch date with one of his fishies last week. After much gnashing of teeth, he admitted that she was plan B. My replacement. Then he told me that he wished I would hit him, so I did. He may have 80 pounds on me, and my hand was open, but I slapped him so hard, he still can't close his jaw. I'm grateful that I understood the depth of my pain and rage, because I had to make a conscious decision to open my fist. Otherwise, I would have broken some of his (and possibly my) bones.

Right now, he and my daughter are talking in the living room. He is admitting this and apologizing. I almost feel sorry for him.

I hate my life.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I sound like a f*cking soap opera. I hate this.

Next week's marriage counseling session is going to be a blast. Woo-hoo!

 

[mary1979]

:( He sounds like he is more of a mess than you are honey.

Break ups suck.

Many hugs xxx

 

[Teasel]

What a &$#@!
Oh that's harsh.

 

[EveHarrington]

Wow. Already got a "plan B" and he just met this fishie? Sounds like he just can't stand to be alone, needed someone to run to so that he would be ok (after abandoning his family). I wonder if she knows he's married. I'm not too sure of many women who want to willingly get involved with a married man like this (and it's not an affair of convenience/opportunity ie with a coworker.)